Just Like That

My eyes burned when I firstly open them. The light from the window scrambled my sight and I could not see a thing. I could feel someone holding on my fingers tightly. I looked down. It was my dad. I looked up to the ceiling. White and plain. The bed was hard. I did not recognize the scent of the pillow. It smelt of disinfectants. This was not my room.

“Where am I?” I wanted to say. My mouth moved, but there was no voice coming out of it. I tried once again. A timid, small sound came out instead. I could feel the heads jerking towards my direction. “Where am I?”

“Thank God.” My father voiced and let out a sigh of relief. “You’re in the hospital, honey.”
I could hear clanking footsteps coming towards me. Mom.

“Hospital? What happened?” I tried to sit upright.

“You blacked out.”

“Blacked out? When?” I could not remember a thing.

“That night when your mom and I were…” My mom shushed him instantly. My dad cleared his throat and whispered. “Six nights ago. You’ve been unconscious for six nights, Delilah. It’s good to have you back. Are you okay now? Do you want anything to drink?”

“No. I want to go home, please.”

“Um, I don’t think that’s possible right now. You just woke up. Rose, get the doctor, please.”
My mom slid out of the door peacefully.

I closed my eyes and heard the door swung open. I almost jumped. It was quiet, calming, and all of a sudden, the door open, letting fresh air came in. Familiar air, not medicated. I chocked on my breath. Well, I guess not that familiar anymore. How long was I in here? Six days, my dad apparently told me.

Smile eased on my mother’s face as she looked down to me. I felt defeated lying in that bed. Defeated, as if something won me over. But what could it be? What could it be? I was desperate. My head spun. It got heavier by the second. My head was thumping hard like some sort of a rock music- gone- wrong was playing in my head. “Dad! My head!” I crouched and held my head in my hands.

Then, it stopped. Just like that. Instantly stopped. I hated these constant headaches I have been facing. I hated it. It haunted me at night. I did not wanted to go to sleep that night. I did not want to swim in that endless stream of gloom anymore. I knew if I slept even for a minute I would drown. So, I stayed awake. “Dad,” I said. “Can you get me more coffee?”

My dad arose from the lounger and sighed. “Honey, but you don’t drink coffee.”

“I do now. I’m not sleeping. I’m not going to fall asleep. So, if you don’t want to get me more coffee, then I’d be glad to climb down this horrid bed and get some coffee myself.” Why was I threatening my dad? Why was I this horrible? What was happening to me? I didn’t know the answers to these questions so I just bit my lip shut.

“I’m sorry, Dad. I didn’t mean to be so rude I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, sweetheart. I understand how you feel. Laying in that bed all day long makes you cranky.” Then he chuckled to himself. “I’ll send your mom to get you some more coffee, okay?” He said as he caressed my hair.

“No, dad. It’s okay. I’m pretty tired. I’m going to sleep now.”

I fell asleep.

•••

The next morning I woke up, my head was heavy. I felt there was something living inside my head. Like, another person. It burned, it throbbed, it lived. It was killing me and worst, I wanted to die. I hated fighting the powerful torture. I was not anywhere near winning anyway. Why bother trying? Take me down. Go ahead. Take me. I lost.

•••

Days turned into nights, nights turned into days. I lay unconscious in that bed for so long my back was hurting. I could not feel my feet. I lowered my hands down to my feet level to feel my feet. It was still there, just not functioning.

I closely open my eyes and saw my dad and my mom perched over me. I frowned. There was also a foreign man levitated before me.

“Oh thank goodness. I thought you were gone, Delilah," my mom said.

“Rose, please,” my dad whispered.

“What is happening?” My throat was dry. My voice was coarse.

“Honey, I think it’s time you speak to the doctor, sweetie,” my mother told me. They were using too much pet names. I always hated pet names.

“What? No.” I murmured. “What’s happening?”

“We’ll leave it up to Mr. Jerry to tell you.”

“Who is Mr. Jerry?” I shot.

“I’m Mr. Jerry.” A man, probably in his forties, took my hand. This man had glasses on, white long robe. I laughed a little bit, because he was overweight with a curly light brown hair. “If you don’t mind leaving us alone, Mr. and Mrs. Crozier.”

My dad pulled my mom by the waist and went to the door.

“Okay, tell me,” I said, jolly. I still did not know what ahead of me.

“Listen, Delilah. Do not freak out, okay?”

“Okay, what?” I was getting impatient.

“Listen to me, honey. You have a tumor developing in your brain. Four brain tumors, sweetheart.”

“A what?”

“Tumors. Tumors are swellings of a part of the body, generally without inflammation, caused by an abnormal growth of tissue.”

“I know what a tumor is. That’s the cause of my headaches, right? I’m not stupid. But what I don’t know is that why is this happening to me? Can’t you get it away? You’re a doctor. Get it out.”

“Well,” he bit his lip. “It’s much more than just that. You need paperwork and a whole lot of stuff.”

“Then do it. Whatever it is.”

“When I said there’s much more, I meant time too. Since all those paperwork will take a lot of time… and well, your time is limited.”

“What do you mean limited? Huh?” I shut my mouth close. Then it hit me. “You mean I’m going to die?”

“Well,” he started.

“Answer me. Yes or no.”

“Yes. You have a few years left. Maybe months. I don’t know. It’s not in my hands to conclude. You stopped responding to treatment yesterday.” He sighed. “There’s no more chance, you can go home tonight, and you can live your life. Live your life to the fullest, I mean it, child.” He chuckled to himself and went out of the door. He thought this was funny. Just by those words he said, he ultimately ended my life. Just like that.

I put myself to bed, kicking everything behind me. I was numb. I did not know what to do. This was it. My life was ending. I shut my eyes, and sniffed. I tried not to bawl my eyes out, even though my heart wanted so badly to. I shut my eyes close.