Just Like That

I felt suffocated, being in my room every single hour of the day and night. I hated it. I never took a good look of my room, now that I had no choice. I realized that my room was boring. Really boring, almost dead. You see, my parents only knew of one color and one color only for the walls. And that color is magnolia yellow. Soft buttery yellow seemed nice and cozy, but if you were in my shoes right now, you would happily buy me a bucket of paint and paint over these walls.

These walls, over-flowing with dark secrets and worn- out with brutal tears. Each second I stayed in my room, I felt as if these walls were going to collapse on me. Well, I thought, at least I would not mind dying like that. I would do anything rather than dying like this⎯ vanquished by… a disease. How humiliating. I was weak.

I fell asleep while wallowing in self-pity. I turned my back on the door. Since I got back from the hospital, my dad banned me from ever shutting my door. Ever. Honestly, I did not even mind. Privacy was the last thing on my mind right now. I did not mind how my father and mother had become over-protective nowadays. They would peek and check on me every ten seconds. By now I was expert on avoiding conversation. If there was any conversation I would like to get out of, I would just moan, shut my eyes and just like that they would just leave me alone. Then I would have a smug smile on my face, as if I had won an argument or something.

Moments later, a faint knock reached my door. “Hi. How are you feeling?” I would recognize that voice anytime, anywhere in the world. It would never get old. I would never get over his melodic voice, and I was terrified of that.

A sweet oceanic scent filled my nose. His cologne, I reckoned.

I groaned, “I feel like a million bucks”, which was an obvious lie and I knew it. He knew it. I realized that and let out a soft, weak laugh. “I feel horrible.”

“I’m sorry. I hope you get well soon.”

“Yeah, me too.” My face immediately fell. I was devastated knowing that this was never going to end. “So, what do you want to do?” I forced myself up to sit upright, leaning on the headboard of my bed.

“Uh, I don’t know.”

“Let’s just hang out, okay?” I smiled. “Now, tell me something. Anything. How have you been?”

“I’ve been somewhat… okay,” he started, uncertain. “I’m going out with Amelia. Did she tell you that?” He continued and blushed. He looked magical. The way he said Amelia’s name was beautiful. I was jealous.

“She somewhat mentioned. How’s that coming along?”

He started out with a sigh. A frustrated sigh. “Um. Great. Amelia’s cool. But… you know, she can be a little...” he drifted away.

“Yes?” I said, interested now. Anxious, even. I hated being masochistic. Amelia was my friend, but I just could not help myself.

“Never mind. Forget it.”

“Okay.”

“Hey, Delilah. I am just very curious. How did you get this pale?” He looked at my face. I was sure I was really pale.

“It shows, huh?”

“Yes.” He cupped his hands over my cheeks to get a better view if my tired eyes. “Are you that tired, Delilah? I can leave if you want to get some rest.”

“No.” I held on his wrist. “Please don’t go.”

“Okay, I won’t,” he said and smiled the most beautiful smile ever existed on a human. He ran his fingers along his shaggy black hair and sighed.

“What is it, Joe?” I said. Eyes closed, head laid back.

“Nothing really. It’s just… I don’t know.”

“Come on. What? You know you can tell me everything, right? Come on, out with it. You know, researches have shown that if you keep things piled up in your heart, there’s a huge possibility that….”

He cut me off. “Okay, okay. And I want you to know that you can, too, tell me anything.”

“I know that. Now tell me; what’s on your mind?”

“As I said, it’s not really a big deal. I was just wondering if I chose the right girl, you know.”

“No I don’t. What do you mean?”

“I was just thinking if Amelia… is right for me.”

“Oh” was all I manage to say. I tried hard to swallow a huge, dry lump in my throat. “What makes you think that? You two looked great together,” I lied. Liar, I told myself.

“She’s cool and all, but I… But every time I’m with you, I feel much more comfortable. Why is that?”

“I don’t know.” My cheeks burned. “I guess…”

“Shush. Don’t say a word. I told you, it’s no big deal. I was just thinking.”

Yeah, sure. No big deal, to him. To me, it meant everything.

“Go get some rest, okay? I think you desperately need it.”

“I’m fine. I promise.”

“Scoot over,” he said and flopped himself next to me. He pulled over the blanket over his legs and put his arm over me.

“What are you doing?” I said, frowning.

“Singing you to sleep.”

“I just woke up from my sleep. Plus, you would never sing. Not in front of me, at least.” I laughed genuinely, for the first time in a long time.

“Want to bet on that?” He started humming and started to sing the first verse of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Stars.

My skin blanched. I frowned as a response to his ridicule.

As awkward as this was, every single organ of my body felt alive, once again. Even my stupid, stupid brain.