Just Like That

An ear shattering shrill woke me up from sleep. It was me, screaming my lungs out. I woke myself up from a very- much needed rest. I grunted. It had been a while since I last dreamt a bad dream. Mostly because it seemed like my real life had been a bad dream, but to my dismay, this was not a dream. It was reality.

I swept the sweats on my forehead away. I could the footsteps drumming against the mahogany floor. My mom and dad purged through the door, and relieved as they saw me. I felt fine. I was fine… before,

… My eyes slowly closed and I floated. The weight of my body was lighter than the air.

When I opened my eyes, I saw my mom and dad’s faces hovered before me. My mom’s laugh lines were profound now. I wondered how long I had been here. I felt the bed. My bed.

I did not even bother to ask how long I had been helpless ‘cause I knew it wouldn’t make a difference. Not even the slightest difference.

______________________________________________________________________

It had been four agonizing months. I thought I would be dead by now but I was wrong. My body was stronger than I expected. However, putting the word stronger seemed oxymoronic.

I was weak now. My body lost pounds. I was puny, defenseless. I was like a living corpse. I was practically dead.

Few months ago, I was dying. Now, I was on the verge of death. The only thing that I was holding on was the love that kept me going on.

Of all the organs in my body, my brain was the only one living. My limbs had stop functioning now. My heart just beat, but not functioning. My lungs heaved. My reflex system was numb now. I could barely speak. Yes, of course my mouth moved, just inaudible. My voice was just too small. I could not put any effort to turn it up. I was the best mime that ever existed.

My head was the only thing that throbbed. It burned. It hurt I wanted to die, but I had to stay alive. I just could not even imagine the devastated faces of Rose, my mom, Frank, my dad and… Joe. I could not leave now. I did not want to leave now. This was the most precious moment in my entire life.

My left hand were inside my mother’s now. My dad held on my feet. Even if I was ticklish, it did not matter anymore. My parents were holding on every bits and pieces of me. Joe held my right hands, running his fingers along my palm. He kept writing on my palm over and over.

One day he wrote stay strong. I twitched my head, telling him I could not stay strong anymore. I had fight for my life far too long. Plus, you could not never have a fair fight when there was only one side fighting. I was the only one fighting and the tumors were winning.

I was staying alive for them. I was still fighting, for them. It would not be fair to die now. Especially after the entire tear they shed, the blood that poured and the sweat that they dropped, it just would not be fair.

But, honestly, with all this pain I was going through I would willingly put my hand up to die. This kind of pain was unbearable. I’d take a fatal car accident than to go through this any day. I’d drown in the Pacific Ocean than go through this hell.

At nights, I still slept. My mom slept. My dad slept. However, Joseph did not. He was a star, undefeatable. Again, my total contrast. He would stay with me forever. He would press my wrist every now and then to make sure I still had pulses. He would give me soft kisses on my forehead. He would talk to me through the nights. I realized what he was doing. He was not going to give up. He was not backing down. He had hope that I would live through this. His hope broke my heart into million pieces. At the same time, his hope mended my broken heart. Any guy would leave me at this point.

I was pretty sure I looked horrible. Anorexic, pale, papery, fragile, ugly, disgusting, revolting, dreadful…

“You’ll make it. I know it.” He sat beside me on the bed. He pulled me upright. Both, we leaned on the headboard. I must have been light as a feather. He put his arm around me. His warmth overflowed my icy coldness. “Stay with me now.”

I groaned. He pulled in closer to me. His ear was directly before my mouth.

“Let. Me. Go,” I breathed. “I. Won’t. Make. It.”

“Yes, you will.” Still cheerful.

I jerked over to bury my face on his chest. I was too tired.

He tucked my head over my ear. “Go to sleep now. But promise me you’ll wake up?”

“I. Can’t.”

“Promise?”

I curled my finger on his chest. I closed my eyes, and mouthed, “Joe, do you love me?”

I doubt he would hear but amazingly he did. “More than anything in the world.”

My lips moved. I was smiling. “Thank you. For everything.”

He patted my head and pressed his lips on my forehead. “I love you.”

If I were still human, I’d jump. “And I love you,” I whispered. I fell asleep, on his chest.