Black Cloaks, Red Clouds, Purple Nail Polish

It was nacho day. Nacho day wasn't a pre-determined day; just whatever day everyone couldn't settle on the same thing for dinner...or a two-thirds majority vote didn't work out. Usually Kohana fixed the whole meal on her own but since everyone was in their "hate Tobi's existence" mood from the day (High School Musical had its marathon on Disney thus robbing Tobi of his Hannah Montana moment needed to go through a day without causing too much damage)...She had gotten stuck with the unwanted good boy.

"So what can I do, Kohana-senpai?" Tobi asked.

She fought to keep from rolling her eyes. Never had one word irked her so badly before...well...not the word itself..."Well, you burned the stove the last time I tried letting you brown the hamburger meat by yourself." She smiled as an idea struck her. "You can prepare the cheese!"

"The cheese?" His eye widened. "Oh goody!"

"Okay, just get the Velveeta cheese from the fridge and heat it up in the microwave." She instructed while breaking up the hamburger meat into a warming skillet. 'Hell, even Deidara couldn't mess that up.'

"Okay, Ko-chan!" He saluted her then dashed over to the fridge, cape whipping behind him. Why they even permitted him to have it was beyond her. How many times had she seen him nearly suffocate, strangle, or nearly hang himself with the cursed thing?...Hm...Maybe that's why they let him have it...Kohana got distracted with cooking the meat and pondering other possible ways Tobi's cape could possibly do what Deidara had so far failed to do, thus forgetting Tobi's presence altogether.

Tobi found a plastic non-microwaveable bowl and put the cheese in it. Well, surely if it said "microwaveable" then it meant it could melt in the microwave. Duh. Tobi was a genius. Now how long did one have to cook it? Ah. Fourteen minutes. One. Four. Zero. Zero. Start.

With a ding, the plate began to rotate.

"Kohana!" Deidara yelled.

"Dear God..." She groaned. "What?!"

He came storming into the kitchen along with Itachi and pointed at the other. Kohana looked at the pair...and bit her lip to keep from laughing. Somehow, the dynamic duo had gotten their "off-limits" hair tangled up. Then again, nothing was really "idiot-proof" in the house..."H-how did you--?"

"This is not funny." Itachi hissed, cutting his eyes at her. Oddly enough, it was. It looked like someone had attempted to make a swirly ice cream cone...and succeeded.

"Well, how--"

"Okay, Itachi tried using some dumbass wind jutsu, yeah--" Deidara started to explain.

"I was training."

Deidara rolled his eyes. "And just who the fuck trains insidethe fucking headquarters any-fucking-way, hn?!"

"Those who prefer not to let the rain water frizz up their ultra sleek hair!" Itachi shouted back.

"You fucking dumbass." Deidara tried pulling away but, because Itachi was still attached to him, their heads smacked together...similar to a ball and ping pong paddle.

"Ow!" They cried out and grabbed their foreheads.

Kohana was so wrapped up in the elaborate "ice cream cone" that she didn't catch the meaning behind the event right away. Her eyes widened with fear as she paled. "Oh my God! Leader's deposit!!" She raced past them. Surely a wind jutsu alone couldn't have done that. If Deidara had been carrying any of his bombs...

Tobi stared at the cheese. It was bubbling. Should he take it out and stir it? Or leave it in and stir it? Or leave it alone? He turned to ask Kohana but instead found Itachi and Deidara brawling. "Um...?"

"YOU FUCKING TWITLESS JACKASS!" Itachi roared punching Deidara in the face a few times.

"YOU HAVE NERVE, YOU FUCKING NON-HOT LOSER!!" Deidara screamed shoving Itachi on the floor...and falling on top of him because of their hair. All this commotion drew other members into the kitchen. It wasn't often one got to see the two actually duke it out.

"What's going on now?" Sasori demanded. He had been booted from the kitchen by Kohana so he wasn't happy anyway...if he was ever happy. Kisame, Kakuzu, and Hidan all came into the kitchen behind the red head. Poor Tobi had forgotten all about the cheese.

"Senpai!!" He yelled followed by a Xena-like battle cry. Before anyone could stop him, he joined the fight.

"Ow! Tobi watch what the hell you're doing, un!!"

Kakuzu was an opportunist. "So...who's betting on whom?"

Sasori pulled out a handful of money. "Ten on Tobi."

"Same on Itachi." Kisame nodded.

"Betting is against my religion." Hidan folded his arms and turned away. "But I think Deidara will win this one."

Kakuzu smiled underneath his mask. "I'm putting twenty on Kohana."

"Kohana?!" Kisame looked at the man. "How do you figure that?"

"You'll see."

Someone hit Tobi so hard he fell back into the pantry, breaking the door. "That's it!" Tobi yelled and stood up. "No more mister Good Boy." He pushed his sleeves up.

Eyes widened and mouths dropped open. "Oh shit."

Sasori smirked. "Get my money ready. I need a new surgical kit."

Tobi merely wave his hand and the two flew across the kitchen. Hidan had to duck to avoid being hit by a flying S-Rank missing ninja. They both stood in opposite corners of the kitchen. Deidara felt his hair freely touching his shoulders. "I'M FRE--"

BOOM!

Itachi lowered his jutsu hand and smirked as the smoke from his jutsu cleared. "Fucking dumba--"

BOOM!

"I cannot stand you!!" Deidara hissed through his gritted teeth.

As the battle ensued (now including throwing available objects like pots, pans, and Sasori) various damaging jutsus were slung in all directions, even the spectators had to dodge a few. Kohana finally came back...angry.

"I can't believe you melted the paint off of the..." Her sentence died off upon seeing the destroyed state of the kitchen. "...What the hell?"

Kakuzu elbowed Kisame and held out his hand. Any outsider would believed all hell had broken loose or that Judgment Day had begun right there in the kitchen. There were several holes in the ceiling, exposing parts of Kohana's bedroom. Parts of the wall had been scorched. Deidara was holding Sasori's torso preparing to throw his head. Pots, pans, and other dishes were destroyed...and she had justcleaned the kitchen from yesterday's battle!! "The kitchen..."

"Get ready to pay up." Kakuzu whispered triumphantly.

Kohana's usually friendly eyes narrowed menacingly as she balled up her fists. "Someone's going to clean this up...and it won't be me." She brought up her hands preparing to fire off a jutsu of her own.

Ding.

The sound startled ex-ANBU member, Itachi, who from time to time had battle flashbacks, and he automatically sent a fireball towards the sound. "ITACHI, NO!!"

SPLAT!

It was so quiet one could hear Veronica's air bubble breaking the water surface in her bowl. Kohana blinked a few times then looked down. Cheese. Hot Velveeta cheese.

"Well, this is...awkward." Itachi made an uneasy face as he tried slinging the cheese off of his hands.

Deidara let out a scream." MY HAIR!! HE, LIKE, MESSED UP MY HAIR AGAIN YEAH!!"

Itachi's eyes widened as he touched his own hair. His Sharingan faded away as he prepared to scream too. Kohana still stared at the cheese that now covered everything. "Tobi...how much cheese did you use?"

"OH UNHOLY HELLLL NO!!" Hidan yelled wiping cheese off on his face. "I justexfoliated!!"

Really, these men's personal hygiene habits were frightening.

"Mmm! This is better than nachos!" Tobi commented while licking cheese off of his hand.

Kakuzu looked at their cloaks and nearly passed out. Leader made it an unspoken rule that their cloaks were to stay clean at alltimes. "SOMEONE'S GETTING THIS DAMNED CHEESE OFF OF MY DAMNED CLOAK!!"

Kohana put down her hands. "I guess it would be best if I tried hiring an assistant."

"An assistant for the assistant?" Kakuzu looked at her.

"A babysitter for the babysitter?" Hidan tilted his head to the side. For this Kohana cut her eyes at him. For some reason or another he refused to see her as helpful to them.

"Um," Sasori cleared his throat, "I hope this isn't too much to ask but can someone put me back together? I need to strangle the blonde one."

Deidara's eyes doubled in size and he dropped the puppet master to run for his life.