My Heart Is The Worst Kind Of Weapon

“Hey Iero.” Ray greeted Frank when all of us joined him, forty minutes later, on the bus.

He nodded in Ray’s general direction, his eyes focused on me. I looked at the ground and immediately felt my insides squirm with guilt.

“Where are we going today?” Bob asked me, sitting down on the couch and reaching for one of the many magazines that littered the floor.

“Virginia.” I told him as the bus began to move.

“We have another show tonight then?” Frank asked.

I just nodded, averting my eyes to Gerard, who was watching me. When his eyes connected with mine, he nodded his head a fraction of an inch, reminding me to be rude to Frank.

Mikey disappeared into the other half of the tour bus, muttering something about needing to catch up on sleep. Bob and Ray soon followed.

I was seated on the couch, my hands folded in my lap, looking anywhere but where Frank was sitting across from me, on the other couch.

Gerard sat down beside me and opened his mouth to say something. Before he could though, a sudden ringing cut him off.

“I think that’s your phone.” He said.

I withdrew my cell phone from my purse and flipped it open, “Hello?”

“Hey babe.” Dylan’s voice said in response.

I felt my stomach clench and I quickly glanced over at Frank, who was staring out the window.

“Hi.” I breathed back nervously, “Um, hold on a sec.”

I knew I couldn’t talk to Dylan normally in front of Frank, so I excused myself from him and Gerard and made my way into the bathroom on the bus. Once the door was locked tightly behind me, I resumed my conversation with Dylan.

“I’ve missed you.” I said quietly, so that no one eavesdropping on the other side of the door could hear me.

“Me too, it’s so lonely without you here.” Dylan said sadly, but then perked up, “But, hey Linds, soon we’re going to be married, and I can be with you forever.”

I grinned, my heart flip-flopping, “I can’t wait. How are the wedding plans coming along then?”

“They’re great. Just be sure to thank Georgina and Andy when you get back. I’d be lost without the two of them helping me.”

“I’ll be sure too,” I laughed, now speaking at normal volume, “God, I really miss you. Did I do the right thing in taking this tour?”

“Of course you did.” Dylan said firmly, “Don’t ever doubt that, okay? Even though we’re not together, we will be soon. Plus, the band your with is touring right through Odessa, so I will defiantly come to the concert just so I can see you.”

“Lindsey, are you in there? I need to use the bathroom.” Bob’s voice sounded suddenly from the other side of the door.

“Shit, sorry Dylan, I gotta go.” I said regretfully. I didn’t want to stop talking to him. When I could hear his voice it reminded me that much more how in love with him I was.
“I’ll call you soon.” He promised, “Love you more-“

“Miss you more.” I grinned, as together, we finished our phone call off, “- muah muah muah.”

I got out of the bathroom and Bob smiled at me before going in himself and closing the door. I walked back to where Frank and Gerard were sitting. They were in deep conversation about something and I sat down silently beside Gerard.

“No way, Black Flag is way better then the Smashing Pumpkins.” Frank said hotly, folded his arms across his chest.

“Are you kidding me? The Smashing Pumpkins have real musical quality, unlike some bands.” Gerard retorted.

They continued to bicker, their remarks getting stupider and stupider. Finally, when Frank mentioned something particularly immature and rude about the Smashing Pumpkins, I couldn’t control myself any longer, and I began to laugh.

“Is this really all you do all day on the bus?” I asked, trying to stop my laughter so I could speak normally.

“Nah, sometimes we play cards.” Gerard chuckled.

I just shook my head in amusement as Frank grinned, “Well, what else do you expect? Its just so boring being on a bus with these losers. All they want to do is sleep.”

“Oh, I see.” I said uncomfortably, darting my eyes over to Gerard, who raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah… so who was on your phone?” Frank asked me after a slight pause when he realized I wasn’t going to say anything else.

“A friend.”

“Oh.” Frank waited a second before saying, “So… uh, we’re playing a show tonight then?”

I knew from the way Frank was changing subjects that he was slowly realizing I wasn’t in the mood to talk. To him, especially. Right now, he was grasping at strings, trying to find something to hold on to in this awkward conversation between us.

I nodded, “You already asked me this, remember?

Frank flushed and let out a sigh before finally giving up.

An uncomfortable silence enveloped us as we sat, and I decided to pull my laptop out and plug in my headphones. Headphones shielded people from awkward silences, and they were really what I needed at this moment.