My Heart Is The Worst Kind Of Weapon

“Wow.” I breathed as we stepped out of the airport and into the bright sunlight of Hawaii. “This is amazing.”

I heard the guys give noises of agreement as we lugged our bags behind us toward the taxi-van.

The warm, early morning air seemed to cling to our skin as we trudged towards the vehicle. The sky was a deep blue color, with no clouds blocking out the white sunlight. Palm trees swayed gently and carelessly in the breeze and I breathed in deeply, loving the scents of ocean water and sand that seemed to radiate off this paradise island.

“I don't even want to get into the van.” Ray said, “I want to stay outside in this place forever.”

I laughed, “I wish we could.”

Soon our bags were loaded in the trunk of the taxi-van and we were speeding towards our hotel. As we drove down various roads, the ocean never left our side. The vast, sparkling mass of water seemed to wink and gleam at me, and I felt serene and at peace with the world. The very last thing on my mind was telling Frank the truth tomorrow.

We reached our hotel and the welcome staff helped carry our luggage to our rooms. Like it had been all tour, Frank, Gerard and Ray shared a room, while Mikey and Bob got the other one. My room was only for me, and as I stepped over the threshold the first thing I noticed was the balcony, looking out over the Pacific Ocean.

Without a pause, I walked out onto it. The air tugged at my hair, and I rested my arms on the railing of the balcony, putting my chin on them. I let my gaze wander out into the seemingly endless ocean and tried not to think.

Everytime I thought about how I had to tell Frank, my heart ached and I felt tears well up into my eyes. The pain I was going through was unbearable, but I knew what Frank would go through would be a hundred times worse.

I let out a deep sigh and turned back to face my room. There was mini-bar right beside my television, and after a slight moment of hesitation, I walked back into my room and opened it up.

There were a couple of bottles of beer, and some wine bottles as well. I grabbed a bottle of red wine and popped the cork, taking a huge gulp of the bottle as I walked back outside.

I knew what I was doing was wrong, and defiently not the best way to deal with covering up pain, but I was too upset right now to care. Drinking was numbing my pain, and that's all I cared about.

Time ticked forwards as I stood on that balcony, occasionaly taking sips of the bitter drink. My eyes were beginning to slide out of focus when I heard Frank call my name from the outside of my room.

I dropped the bottle on the small table on my balcony and stumbled across my room to open the door.

Frank was standing there, in his swimming trunks, and I felt my eyes scope his exposed chest.

“We're going swimming.” He smiled at me, not noticing that I had been drinking, “You're not going to pass up a chance to go dive into that blue ocean, are you?”

I shook my head and smiled, “I'll get changed and meet you guys in the lobby.”

He smiled at me and kissed my lips. I felt my heart shatter at his gentle touch.

He started to walk away, but right before he disappeared into the elevator I called out to him.

“Frank?”

He turned, “Yeah?”

“Bring some alcohol.”