My Heart Is The Worst Kind Of Weapon

“It's so hot!” Bob said loudly, as we dropped our towels onto the sand and began setting up everything, including the cooler that contained our alcohol.

I flopped onto my towel and flipped the cooler's lid open, grabbing a bottle of beer and drinking it thirstily.

“Whoa, not too fast.” Frank said, reaching his hand out and gently pulling the bottle away from my lips.

I pouted at him and he laughed, “Linds, it's barely eleven.”

“Fine.” I stood up, readjusting my bikini top as I did so, “Let's go swim.”

I began walking towards the water, but I had barely gone ten steps when I was suddenly lifted off my feet.

“Frank!” I laughed as he carried me, newly-wed style, jogging towards the ocean.

I continued laughing and wrapped my arms around his neck. Frank let out a breath of surprise as the cool water touched his feet, and I giggled.

“Put me down.” I told him, but he ignored me, carrying me out farther into the water until he was waist deep in the ocean.

Frank pressed his lips to mine and my eyes closed. This must have been heaven. The warm sun on my face, the smell of the salt water, and the sounds of seagulls and laughing children.

Frank titled his head back and grinned secretively at me. His eyes winked with mischief, and before I could say anything I was suddenly dropped from his arms into the cold water.

My body felt the underwater waves agaisnt my skin, and it felt relaxing and perfect. If I could, I would have stayed under there forever. But I knew I had to get back at Frank, so I surfaced to be greeted by his laughing face. I couldn't help but join in with him.

“Come here.” I growled playfully, getting a good grip on the sandy ocean bottom with my feet and then launching myself forward.

I hit Frank and we fell both fell back into the water. Frank's eyes were open under the water, and so were mine. He grinned at me and I felt my heart leap. Frank kissed me, and I felt excitement at this unexpected way of kissing. I had never kissed anyone underwater before, and it was exhilarating.

The water pushed us to the surface and I tore my lips from his, using my hand to brush away his wet hair from his face.

“You're gorgeous.” He told me, running his thumb down my cheek.

I shivered at his touch and forced myself to think of anything but the heartbreak I would be forcing upon him shortly.

I smiled at him and brought my lips back to his, grinning into his kiss when I felt his arms wrap around me, bringing me closer to him.

If there was anyway that I could have postponed my telling Frank the truth, I would have done it. Jamia was right when she said I didn't deserve someone as good as Frank. But there was a part of me, a very small part, that knew that if I wasn't engaged, I would love to be in love with Frank. Everything about him was amazing, and I was giving all that up for the person I had to be with.

I wondered, vaguely, as Frank continued to kiss me, what the difference was, really, between just plain loving someone, and needing their love to live. I wondered what the difference was between having someone to always go back to, and having someone you couldn't live without. Was there a difference? A difference between thinking something and knowing something?

Before I could further ponder these thoughts, Frank broke the kiss and smiled at me. That same secretive smile I had gotten so used to seeing. The one that made his eyes crinkle with joy, and his eyebrows raise slightly. The smile that caused him to slightly tilt his head, as if he was considering something. As if he had an inside joke, all to himself, and he wasn't going to share that with anyone.

And I found myself desperately wanting to be let in on that inside joke.