My Heart Is The Worst Kind Of Weapon

“Frank, I know you're going to hate me for this, but I have something I need to tell you. Remember a long time ago when you asked me if I was single, and I said yes? Well, the truth is-”

I paused, frowning at my reflection in the mirror. No matter how many times I worded it, I always sounded stupid, and heartless. I'd been practising my 'break-up' speech with Frank for the past fifteen minutes, but nothing I said was coming out right.

Then again, I don't think there was anyway to say what I was going to say and have it sound right.

I let out a breath and opened my mouth to speak again. But before I could utter a single word, there was a knock on my door.

My heart felt it had just jumped painfully out of my chest and I hurried to answer the door. I knew that Frank would be standing on the other side of that door, and that thought alone sent my nerves spiralling out of control.

“Hey Fr-” I stopped talking, seeing Gerard, and not Frank, on the other side of my door, “Oh, hi... where's Frank?”

“He and Ray went down for breakfast already.” Gerard told me, “And Mikey and Bob wanted to go to the beach. So I was wondering if you wanted to eat with me?”

I ran my tongue along the back of my teeth, mentally cursing whoever was up there, probably having a great laugh at my expense. It really was cruel, to have my nerves constantly spike up and down. But I guess that it was karma, in a way.

“Um, I really needed to talk to-” I broke off, realizing that it would be better to confess to Frank when he wasn't around his friends, “Actually, I'll be glad to have breakfast with you.”

Gerard smiled at me, “Great, I'll give you ten minutes to get ready? I'll be waiting in the hall.”

“Okay.” I closed the door and leaned my back against it. Then I looked up at the heavens again and glared.

“This really isn't funny.” I said sternly, before casting my gaze down again and starting to peel my pajamas off.

**

“So, tell me. What's wrong?”

I glanced up from my pancakes and looked at Gerard. He was frowning at me in concern and I immediately felt exhausted and sad.

“Nothing's wrong.” I lied, looking away from his probing eyes and taking a small bite of my breakfast.

“Lindsey, don't even lie.” Gerard said, “I've gotten to know you over the past six and a half months, and something is definitely up.”

“You'll hate me if I tell you.” I said quietly.

“Try me.”

I sighed and looked at Gerard. The one thing that I hated most about confessing my lie was the fact that not only would Frank hate me, but the rest of the band probably would too. And they had good reason. I broke their friend's heart and lied to all of them. After I told Frank the truth, the next two weeks were going to be plenty awkward and uncomfortable.

“You'll find out soon enough.” I told him, “And trust me, you will hate me. I did exactly what you said I shouldn't do.”

“Lindsey.” Gerard reached across the table and grabbed my hand, “What did you do?”

“You'll see.” I stood up, feeling my eyes sting with tears once again. It was hard, having Gerard be so nice to me, when I knew, in a few hours, he would hate my guts. “Look, I'm not hungry anymore. Thanks for breakfast. I'll see you later.”

As I walked away from Gerard, who was staring worriedly at me, I felt a tear run down my cheek.