My Heart Is The Worst Kind Of Weapon

Because the guys in the band didn't trust having me and Frank sit near each other at restaurants, probably because of the whole Ray/ knife incident, I sat at one end of the table, and Frank at the other, so we were maximum distance apart.

This however, had it's disadvantages, because when I looked up, Frank was the first thing I noticed, seeing as I didn't have to turn my head to look at him. All I had to do was look straight ahead and bam, Frank was there.

“So tomorrow is the last day.” Ray said, “I can't believe it's all over. It sure didn't seem like seven months.”

The guys agreed while I kept my gaze on my salad. At the opposite end of the table, Frank was doing the same. I chanced a look up at him, trying to muster up the courage to apologize again, but the words died in my throat.

I had already tried to apologize to Frank, following the week after I had confessed to him. But he ignored my apologies as well as he was now ignoring me. What would be the point of once again trying to say sorry when I knew it wasn't going to be acknowledged?

“Okay, I can't take this anymore.” Gerard said loudly, banging his fork down onto the table, “Frank! Lindsey! Look at me!”

We both glanced up, surprised, at Gerard's sudden outburst. He was glaring angrily at us, shifting his gaze from Frank to me, and then back again.

“Are you guys even going to say anything to each other before you leave?” He demanded, “Anything at all?”

“Yeah, this is getting kind of ridiculous.” Bob agreed, “The least you could do is say something to each other. Even if it's just 'Excuse me' or 'Pass the salt, please'.”

“Or you could just look at each other.” Ray suggested, “I mean, come on...”

“You want to know why I don't look at her, Ray?” Frank said quietly, so quietly that I, all the way on the other end of the table, could barely hear him.

“Because everytime I look at her, I see another guy's arms around her. Everytime I look at her, I see her in a wedding gown. Everytime I look at her I'm reminded of the fact that the woman I love doesn't love me back. So no, Ray, I'm not going to look at her.”

Silence greeted the table after Frank had finished speaking. He calmly went back to eating his salad, while I felt my eyes fill with tears.

“I said I was sorry.” I whispered, “I know that it's the least I could do, but you could at least acknowledge that I'm not dead.”

Frank chewed on a piece of lettuce and then, miraculously, his eyes raised to meet my own. But only for a split second. Then he was looking at Gerard and calmly saying, “Pass the salt, Gee.”

I slammed my chair backwards as I stood up, my hands shaking.

“I need to finish packing.” I lied through clenched teeth, “Lots to do before I fly home to get back to my soon-to-be husband.”

And then I stalked out of the restaurant.