My Heart Is The Worst Kind Of Weapon

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“How ya doing Honolulu!” Gerard was screaming into the microphone, to tumultuous cheers, “Are you ready to rock?”

The crowd responded by shrieking and yelling so loud that I thought my eardrums were going to burst, yet I couldn't help but smile at the enthusiasm that was flowing electrically through the air.

It was another gorgeous day in Hawaii; the sky was a bright blue and completely cloudless, and the sun was shining down on all of us. The palm trees stood tall, swaying ever so gently in the warm breeze, and behind the outdoor stadium that My Chemical Romance was playing in, the blue-green ocean was sparkling and winking at everyone.

I was dressed in a pair of jean shorts, coupled with a simple white tanktop. My sandy brown hair was lightly streaked with blonde, thanks to the sun and the salt water of the sea, and it was curling softly down my back. The air in Hawaii had done my skin wonders, and my usually clear complexion was benefitting greatly from being on this beautiful island.

I suppose if someone had seen me, looking like I did just then, they would probably comment on how great I looked. All of me looked pretty good actually... on the outside.

But on the inside, I was a wreck.

I was always a great liar. In highschool, I had perfected my ability to lie, which was espicially useful when I hadn't finished a piece of homework that was due that day. People could never tell if I was telling the truth or not.

The same went for emotions. If I was sad and didn't want people to know, I could push all misery from my body until I allowed it back in.

So right then, if someone were to glance at me, the first thing they would think would probably be, 'Oh, she looks so at peace with herself'. But only I knew how I really felt inside.

And how I really felt was terrible.

I still felt really bad over how things had ended with Frank, and if I had a chance to fix it, I would take it without a second thought. Even though I was with Dylan, Frank was still going to be a part of my life, whether he liked it or not. The fact that he had actually talked to me for the first time in two weeks was slightly gratifying, but that feeling went away when I realized that I would never see him again once this show was over.

“Alright,” Gerard was saying to the crowd, “Now, we're going to do, uh, something a little bit different for this show.”

I looked up warily at him from where I was sitting on the side of the stage. The band wasn't scheduled to do anything 'different'. What was Gerard doing?

“See, um, Frank here...” Gerard paused while Frank's fan-club screamed, “...He wants to say something...”

Gerard glanced awkwardly back at Frank and he smiled, stepping up beside Gerard and grabbing the microphone from him.

“Hi, guys.” He said into it, smiling as the crowd screamed.

I felt my pulse quicken seeing Frank standing there, holding thr microphone. This was not in the show's schedule.

“See, about two weeks ago, before we flew to Hawaii, I promised a girl I'd give her a gift, but only once we arrived here.”

My heart dropped.

“I meant to sing a song for her- she was, at the time, my girlfriend, and I wanted to do something sweet for her.”

The crowd aw-ed.

“But we broke up recently, so now my gift has kind of changed.” Frank was still smiling a tight-lipped smile at the crowd, who booed when he announced our break-up.

“This is to you. You know who you are.” Frank placed his fingers on his guitar right as he quickly glanced at me, letting me know that whatever he was planning, it was directed one hundred percent at me.

It was quiet for a moment, and then Frank started strumming on his guitar as he began to sing.

“Spent most of last night dragging this lake,
For the corpses of all my past mistakes.
Sell me out- the jokes on you,
We are salt- and you are the wound.
Empty another bottle,
And let me tear you to pieces.
This is me wishing you
Into the worst situations.
I'm the kind of kid
That can't let anything go,
But you wouldn't know a good thing
If it came up and slit your throat.”

I felt my face flush red as Frank sang. Every word he uttered seemed to be a direct stab at my heart. By 'past mistakes', Frank meant me. He thought I was a mistake. That I was a waste of time. That hurt more than I wanted it too.

Your remorse hasn't fallen on deaf ears,
Rather ones that just don't care.
Cause I know,
That you're in between arms somewhere.
Next to heartbeats,
Where you shouldn't dare sleep.
Now I'll teach you a lesson
For keeping secrets from me

Take your taste back,
Peel back your skin.
And try to forget how it feels inside.
You should try saying 'no' once in a while.
Oh once in a while

And did you hear the news?
I could dissect you,
And gut you on the stage...
Not as eloquent as I may have imagined,
But it will get the job done... and you're done.
Every line is plotted and designed,
To leave you standing
On your bedroom window's ledge.
And everyone else that it hits,
That it gets to,
Is nothing more than collateral damage.

Take your taste back,
Peel back your skin.
And try to forget how it feels inside.
You should try saying 'no' once in a while.
Oh once in a while.

Frank finished singing and stepped back from the microphone to insane cheers and screams. As soon as he regained his regular position on the stage, Gerard approached the microphone.

“Okay, so wasn't that a treat?” He said, casting an apologetic look at me as the crowd yelled. “This next song is called Famous Last Words.”

As My Chemical Romance broke into their song, I remained standing backstage, blinking unbelievably at what had just happened. Frank's words seemed to cut into my brain again and again, and the more I thought about them, the more sense they made.

'Your remorse hasn't fallen on deaf ears, rather ones that just don't care.' Frank was ignoring my apologies because he didn't care? He didn't care?

And what about 'Now I'll teach you a lesson for keeping secrets from me'? That must have been about how I kept Dylan a secret from Frank for so long.

But the kicker of the whole song was the one line that stated I should try saying 'no' once in a while. I knew, better than anyone, that Frank meant that I should have just said no when he asked me to be his girlfriend.

And no matter how upset I was that Frank had publically humilated me, I couldn't be mad at him. I couldn't be mad because I had known, all along, that going into this would end badly. And the fact that I had done nothing to stop it, or prevent it, just made me realize how mad I couldn't be. I was hurt at what he had done, but I knew Frank was more hurt by what I had done to him. And now he got the last laugh.