My Heart Is The Worst Kind Of Weapon

“I'm so sorry Lindsey.”

I smiled weakly at Gerard. Behind him, Mikey, Ray and Bob stood, looking upset.

“I knew he was going to do that- sing that song- but I didn't tell him no. We all thought it'd be a good way for him to get some closure. I'm sorry.” Gerard apologized again and gave me a hug.

“It's fine.” I said, barely being able to get the words out of my mouth, as they seemed to be stuck in my throat.

“Aw, geez, this is sad.” Bob said, stepping up to me and giving me a hug as well, “Saying goodbye is tough.”

“You guys are amazing.” I said, my head buried in Gerard's shoulder as Mikey and Ray joined the hug.

“I'll miss you.” Ray said sadly, “Stay in touch. Come see a show.”

“You guys will soon be so famous, you probably won't even remember me.” I joked through my tears.

“Never.” Mikey laughed, “You're one of a kind.”

We all let go of each other, and I raised a hand to wipe my eyes. I never would have guessed, seven months ago when I first decided to take this tour, that I would have become such great friends with all the guys. It was heart-wrenching, knowing that in half an hour, I would be packing up the laptop that I had not once put away, grabbing my suitcases, and taking a cab to the airport.

“God, I'll miss you all.” I breathed, feeling a fresh wave of tears overtake me.

“The feeling is so mutual, it's crazy.” Gerard grinned sadly, “Urgh. C'mere.”

He reached out and grabbed me in another hug, this time not letting go for a minute. I then gave an equally long hug to Mikey, Ray and Bob, feeling so sad. I could honestly not imagine my daily life without these amazing people in it. It was going to be tough, adjusting to my old life, after all of this craziness.

“Good luck with your wedding.” Ray said, kissing my forehead, “You'll make a great bride.”

“E-mail us pictures!” Bob said, engulfing me in another tight hug, “We want to see how it went.”

“Of course I will.” I promised, giving each of them a quick peck on the cheek.

“Bye, Lindsey.” Gerard clapped my shoulder gently, “Maybe we'll all fly down to Odessa one day.”

“You better.” I joked, waving as I watched them turn and walk away through blurred vision.

They disappeared around the corner to head into their dressing room. I sighed and sat down on a chair that had been left out, pulling my laptop out to type a e-mail to Georgina, letting her know I would be home soon.

“Hey.”

I looked up, surprised, to see Frank, looking at me with resignation all over his handsome face. My hands immediately stopped typing on my laptop and I felt my stomach flip over.

“Hey.” I gulped, nervous. I wondered if he was going to laugh in my face.

He remained, standing in front of where I was sitting, looking at me with a haunting and unblinking stare.

“Well,” He finally spoke, “I guess this is it.”

With his words, sadness overtook my body. A normal person would have taken his sentence to mean that this was it, this was the end of the tour. But I was wiser, and more venerable to his words. He meant not that this was the end of the tour, but that this was the last time we would ever see each other again. This was where the road ended for us.

“Yeah,” I mumbled, avoiding his eyes, because looking at them just made me feel worse than I already did, “I guess it it.”

Out of my peripheral vision I saw his arms move, and when I looked back up, I saw he was stretching his arms out for a hug. I placed my laptop on the floor and stood up, taking a step into his waiting embrace.

The hug was awkward, nothing like how it used to be. And I knew that was all my fault. The realization once again of what I had done smashed down on me as painfully as if a bus had just fallen on my head, and I felt the sudden familiar sensation of my eyes stinging with tears.

Frank let go of me quickly, grabbing a hold of my arms and gently easing me away from him. His face loomed right above mine, closer than it had been in weeks. His eyes were staring directly into my own, observing my un-fallen tears.

“I never did congratulate you on your marriage.” He said, still looking straight at me, “So congratulations.”

“Thanks.” My voice caught in my throat and I had to look away from his eyes. The tears were silently streaking down my face now, blurring my vision and causing me to feel weak and tired.

Frank let go of me and stepped back, but not before gently taking his hand and lifting my chin with it. He smiled very faintly at me as he wiped a tear that had just fallen from my eye.

“Bye.” He said, turning around and walking away.

“Bye.” I whispered after him, feeling sadder than I had ever felt in my life.

Because the fact that this tour was over had just become painfully obvious. The end of this last show signified so many things- the end of my time away from home, the end of the tour, and the end of my friendships with the guys in the band. But most importantly, it signified the end of my relationship with Frank.

This was it.