My Heart Is The Worst Kind Of Weapon

June 19
It was another rainy day in Odessa. The weather had never been this bad in a Texas summer before. It had everyone feeling dreary and down, and who could blame them?

Outside, the clouds were an ugly gray as I pulled up to Bryan's Brides. It was the final fitting day for my dress.

I got out of my car and walked quickly into the bride's store.

“Lindsey! Good to see you again.” Eric greeted me with a kiss on both cheeks. “Come, come, your dress is ready for you to try on.”

He pulled me over to the dressing room where a beautiful white dress hung from a hangar. It was the one I had always admired whenever I passed this store. The one I always wished I'd get married in.

I stepped into the large changing room and, with the help of some assistants, emerged ten minutes later in my dress.

It looked gorgeous. The white, satiny material highlighted the tan I had received from my time on tour, and my months back in Texas. A olive colored sash hung around my waist, and it trailed down to the ruffled bodice of the skirt, blending into the white of the material.

“Oh, you look gorgeous!” Eric squealed, stepping into the viewing area and surveying me with tears in his eyes, “You are a vision, Lindsey!”

“Thanks.” I said softly, never taking my eyes off my reflection in the mirror. Somehow, I looked different, but not in a good way. I always envisioned looking healthy and shining the weeks before my wedding, but as I stared at myself in the mirror, I realized something.

I was sad. My green eyes dripped with sadness, and smiling felt forced and uncomfortable. I closed my eyes for a second and a sudden bright, hazel color flashed through my vision. When I opened my eyes, I only saw my reflection looking back at me. And how I wished that there was one certain person standing beside me.

“It's perfect.” I told Eric, “I don't need anymore fittings.”

Eric clapped his hands together and beamed at me, “Wonderful, wonderful! Oh, Lindsey, you look fantastic.”

I took the dress off and waited while Eric and his assistants placed it carefully into a protective carrying case.

“Just keep it in this until you get home.” Eric said, handing me the wrapped up dress, “Once you get home you can hang it up. It should stay unwrinkled until July 4.”

The mention of my wedding date sent a pang of some unidentified emotion through my gut. In fact, everytime something wedding related came up in my conversations, the same emotion would filter through me.

There was a small part of me, probably the most realistic part of me, that said maybe that feeling had something to do with Frank. But the much larger, more oblivious side of me said there was no way that was true.

After all, I hadn't spoken to, or even seen, Frank in almost two and a half months. How could he still be in my mind and my thoughts? No, the reason for my sadness had nothing to do with Frank.

I drove home through the rain quickly. When I reached my apartment and was safetly encased in my bedroom, I took the wedding dress out of the carrying case and hung it up on the back of my closet, admiring it's beauty.

After staring at my dress for another minute, I broke from my daze and turned to face my room. My stuff was mostly packed into boxes, and in one corner of my room was a suitcase, half-filled.

The suitcase was for my honeymoon in Hawaii, but the boxes... they were for when I moved out.

While I was away on tour, Dylan had bought a small house for him and I. As soon as we got back from Hawaii, we were going to move in together, and start our new life as a married couple.

I felt sad, as I stared around my mostly empty room. I had lived in this apartment with Georgina for four years, and to just suddenly leave it all behind was hard. There was a part of me that didn't want to go, but I knew that I would have to. The apartment was too small for three people, so Dylan couldn't come live with me.

And why would we want to be married and live in seperate apartments? That was impratical. So I was moving out, whether I wanted to or not.

I sighed deeply and moved towards my dresser so I could pack up some more stuff into the boxes.