My Heart Is The Worst Kind Of Weapon

“Oh, Lindsey.” Georgina reached her hand across the table and grabbed mine. Her palm was warm and suddenly I felt like crying.

“Why didn't you tell anyone?” She asked, “I could have helped you figure all this out.”

“I was scared you would hate me for... for being a horrible girlfriend to Dylan.” A sob escaped my lips as Georgina looked at me.

“Well, only you know how you feel about Frank, and Dylan.” Georgina told me, “I can't tell you what to do. I know what you should do, but you have the freedom to make your own decision.”

“What should I do?” I said softly, “Please help me figure this out.”

“Lindsey, I'm going to be straight with you, because I think your heart has been through enough mind games and emotions to last a lifetime.” Georgina said, “And here's what I think: You are in love with Frank.”

I blinked at her, “What- what do you mean?”

“You love Frank, Lindsey!” Georgina said loudly, “Somehow, over the seven month tour, you fell out of love with Dylan, and into it with Frank. Don't deny it. You know it's true, just think about it for a minute.”

I did what she said, closing my eyes and letting my thoughts and emotions take over my body. I remembered the way my stomach would leap whenever Frank gave me a hug, or the way my heart skipped a beat when Frank smiled at me. I remembered the way our bodies seemed to match as we kissed. The way our hands fit perfectly together.

I remembered the jealousy I felt when I met Jamia. There was no denying it now; I knew the jealousy was because I envied the fact that Frank had once cared so deeply for her. Most importantly, I remembered the one night I lay on my bed, counting my emotions on the blades of the fan. Anger, jealousy, frustration, and annoyance. And then there was that last emotion, the one I later recognized as confusion. But I knew now that that was wrong. That emotion wasn't confusion.

It was love.

I was in love with Frank Iero, and the second that I acknowledged this thought it felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding in, a small smile coming to my face. Love. I was in love with Frank.

And then suddenly, that weight came crashing back down upon my shoulders, because how could I have forgotten Dylan...? How could I have forgotten the fact that I was getting married to my childhood love, in a litte less than six hours?

“Georgina...” I looked at her through wide eyes, “I love Frank.”

She nodded, and I continued, “But... I'm getting married.”

“Lindsey.” Georgina looked at me hardly, “You need to decide. Frank or Dylan. You can't have both. You are the only one who knows, deep down, who you really want.”

I listened to her words, and I looked deep down inside of me, going into crevices of my heart I've never ventured into before. And then I knew. I knew who I wanted. But as much as it hurt to admit, I also knew I couldn't have them.

“I have a wedding to get ready for.” I whispered, tears creeping up into my eyes as I stood up to leave.

“Lindsey-” Georgina looked surprised, “Are you sure?”

I nodded numbly, “I have... I have to.”

“No you don't.” Georgina grabbed my arms as I tried to walk past her, “You don't have to do anything.”

I bit my lip as the tears fell down from my eyes and across my cheeks.

“I... I have to go.” I said, pulling my arms from her grasp and leaving the Starbucks shop.

Because I couldn't waste anymore time in that coffee shop, talking with Georgina; I had a wedding to get ready for.