Left Behind

Corey's leg jiggled nervously; the sound of passing cars, horns, and the buzz of people entered his ears. He pulled his long overcoat tighter around himself as he stared out the taxi's window and gazed upon the busy city streets. His thoughts were filled with visions of his family and an overwhelming encasement of nerves. He dug his shaking hand into his pocket and drew out his tattered leather wallet, flipping it carefully open to reveal the only picture that had survived his six month tour.

He smiled to himself as he stared down at the bright picture before him, a girl with long strawberry blonde hair and sparkling green eyes stared cheekily up through her paper containment, dimples grazed her chubby cheeks as she hugged tightly onto the mesmerizing lady beside her. The lady had sparkling green eyes like the girl, her blonde hair was tied into two plaits that sat neatly off her shoulders; her smile radiated from the picture as she stared happily up at him.

Corey ran his fingers gently over the two, a low thud pulsing inside him, growing quicker as he realised he would be seeing their smiling faces soon.

"That your family?" a gruff voice asked, breaking Corey from his trance. Corey tore his eyes away from the happy pair and looked over to the taxi driver that was shooting him glances as he led them out of the city, towards the parts on Iowa covered in corn fields.

"Yeah," Corey mumbled, looking back down at the crumpled photo. The taxi driver peered over as he stopped at a red light and gazed upon the pair.

"Cute kid, what's her name?" he asked, Corey grinned proudly and ran a finger over the girl; Slipknot or no Slipknot, his biggest conquest in the world had been helping to create this image of perfection.

"Abigail," he whispered more to himself than the driver.

"Nice name," said the driver as he took hold of the steering wheel once more and continued with their journey. Corey sighed and slowly closed his wallet, placing it back in his pocket. He leant his head back on the head rest and closed his eyes, Daddy will be there soon baby he thought as he drifted off into a peaceful doze.

"Hey Mr. we're here," the drivers voice broke Corey 's doze; his eyes snapped open as he stared around him, a grin attached itself to his face as he stared up at the two story house before him. The grass was lush green and neatly cut, contrasting perfectly with the mahogany colour they had spent last summer painting onto the old house. His eyes scanned over the entire building; the red mail box which Abigail had made Corey (attempt to) paint a dragon on, the purple and red flowers that filled the window boxes, the familiar car in the drive way - this was home.

Corey turned back to the driver and paid his fare and a tip before he hopped out of the car. He went around to the boot and grabbed his green suitcase and lugged it onto the sidewalk. As he waved goodbye to the taxi his insides once again began to build up with nerves, he thought at any moment his stomach may erupt like a volcano.

Corey mentally thanked whoever invented suitcases with roller wheels as he trudged up the sidewalk and up the garden path towards the front door. He yanked the suitcase up the three stairs that lead onto the porch and put it down with a soft thud next to the front door. He stared at the door for a moment, not moving just staring. His thoughts again began to rapidly spin around his head, his hands becoming slightly clammy. He drew in a deep breath of hair, gulping nervously.

He wanted to see his family so much, but he knew there was a lot of apologizing to be done. He was meant to be home two days ago, but he got delayed with extra interviews the band had been asked to do (Clown had been particularly pissed off about this), and to top it all off he had missed Abigail's fifth birthday. There had been a lot of crying and yelling down the phone, not just over the last few days, but the last six months. His wife Lucy was usually ok with the touring aspect of the band, as long as Corey remembered to call and tried to make it to important events such as Christmas and birthdays...but the last tour had been different, he couldn't remember a single week where she hadn't called at least once and broken down in hysterical sobs about how she missed him, the sobs soon turned into a rant about how he doesn't care, which usually ended up in a screaming match about how the other one was only thinking of themselves.

Corey rubbed his face tiredly as he thought back to what his friends had said.

"Look, it'll be ok man, she's probably just stressed out about something and misses you being there to comfort her all the time," Joey had told him as he patted his back.

"Yeah she'll be fine when you get home, she'll probably organize a babysitter so you two can go somewhere," Sid had added jokingly, winking at Corey teasingly. Corey put his head into his hands and took a deep breath; as much as they were trying to help he couldn't help but feel they didn't understand at all.

"It's different this time guys, she's really upset," Corey had sighed, his friends went silent for a moment as they shot each glances.

"Have you considered that maybe she's pregnant?" asked Shawn cautiously, Corey had frozen and stared up at Shawn blankly, wondering why he hadn't thought of that earlier. Of course later when Corey has asked Lucy it had turned into another fight about how Corey was never listening and he wanted to blame everything on anything but himself.

Corey bit the inside of his lip, balled up his fist tightly and extended his arm slowly towards the thick wooden door. He knocked twice before letting his arm fall limply next to his side. His foot began to tap on the floor beneath him as he waited for someone to answer the door, anxiety consuming him by the minute.

He waited for a minute of so before knocking again, this time harder incase they were in the back of the house or upstairs; but still as Corey waited nervously no one answered. He placed his hands flat against the door and pressed his ear to it, Maybe no one's home? he thought, closing his eyes he listened intently.

Just as he was about to pull away he heard the soft sound of an unmistakable sniffle coming from somewhere inside the house. He pulled back slowly and tapped gently on the door.

"Anyone there?" he asked softly; still no reply. He pressed his ear to the door again and waited, thinking perhaps it had been in his imagination, but as his ears picked up the sound of another sniffle he knew that he wasn't mistaken.

He pulled back again from the door and found his hand extending towards the door knob, surprised when the knob easily turned and the hinges on the door began to creek as it fell open. He peered into the darkness, noting that all the curtains were drawn and the smell of smoke accompanied by the hazy air indicated that someone had been smoking; but Corey knew from the smell alone it wasn't a recent puff.

He left his suitcase forgotten on the porch as he stepped into the hallway, the dark floorboards creaking slightly under his weight. He carefully walked down the hall, glancing into the lounge room as he passed it. He came to a stop at the entrance to the kitchen and held his breath as his ears let the eerie silence engulf them. He jolted suddenly as the sound of a single sniff met his ears. He stepped forward into the kitchen and looked around. The sink was filled with last nights dirty dishes, and by the looks of the table breakfast was still neatly laid out, though not touched.

Corey stared at the ground as he went to listen for the sound of sniffles again, but what caught his attention notified him that he needn't bother. He bent down onto his hands and knees and crawled over to the kitchen table; his hand was shaking more than ever now as he lifted the table cloth and met with the sight beneath the table.

"Abby baby?" he chocked out as he gazed upon his daughter who was curled up under the table, her green eyes glinting in the dim light, but not containing the same warmth they usually held. Instead they were empty and tear filled, the small girl cradled her blue teddy closer to her as she sniffed once again and stared up into the eyes of the man she saw more in pictures and on television than she did in real life.

"What's wrong?" Corey asked softly, he began to push the chairs out from under the table and climb under it, gently pulling his daughter into his lap and cradling her as a fresh set out tears erupting from her frail body.

"Shh its ok baby Daddy's here everything's ok," he cooed gently, rocking her back and forth; running his still shaking hand over her back soothingly. She buried her head in his shoulder and wrapped one arm around his neck, the other still clutching onto her teddy that she had named Zowey after Joey who had been the one to give her the plush toy when she turned two.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Corey asked gently as her tears began to subside, she was comforted by the gentle rocking motion and suddenly felt safer than she had before as he held her tightly in his arms.

"Mummy's gone," she mumbled into his shoulder, barely inaudible, but still audible enough for Corey to hear.

"Gone where?" Corey asked slowly, his insides tightening painfully with fear of the answer.

"Mummy's gone forever Daddy," Abby whispered, she turned to look at her father; he stared down into her green eyes and shook his head disbelievingly, shock settling over him like a blanket. Had she left him? But that didn’t make sense for her to leave Abigail here alone and for the car to still be outside.

"Where is Mommy?" Corey managed to ask as his throat tensed up, making it almost impossible for him speak. With a shaking hand the small girl let go of her father's neck and pointed up the stairs case, Corey’s eyes widened, he felt his heart beat increase painfully inside him. He held onto Abigail as he slid from underneath the table and got to his feet, his legs feeling like they would give way as any second.

He stumbled over to the stairs and placed Abigail on the first step gently, she clutched her bear tight as she watched her Dad ascend the stairs towards where she knew her Mother was.

Corey walked numbly up the stairs and found himself in a hallway, he clutched onto the walls as he staggered down the hallway, glancing in the rooms as he passed. He came to a complete stop at the end of the hallway as he stared at the door that led into his bedroom. The door was slightly ajar and a dim ray of sunshine shone through the cracks. With a daring move he pushed the door open and collapsed at the sight that met his eyes.

"Lucy!" he cried out as his body met with the carpeted flooring. He crawled forward and touched his wife's cold cheek gently as he surveyed the scene. His insides shattered as his eyes met with the single bullet hole that had gorged out a neat bloody hole in her chest. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he shook her limp body, trying in vain to wake her up. She's just sleeping, please God she's just sleeping he prayed.

His eyes fell onto her hand which grasped a small slither of paper. He gently pried the note from her stiff fingers and read over the messy scrawl.

To my dearest husband who I love now, and will love for ever.

I can't do this any more, it hurts so much to watch you on TV and see your face in magazines and know that I can't have you whenever I want. Your daughter has seen more of you on TV than she has in real life; you know what she asks me Corey? She asks me why her friend’s Daddy picks her up from playgroup, when she never gets to see hers.

Everyday she asks me if Daddy will pick her up from playgroup, and everyday I have to say 'not today baby, not today'. It breaks her heart when she watches you on TV, she adores you so much, you should see her Corey, she knows every lyric to every song, she knows the moves you make when you sing in all your film clips off by heart, she even knows all the jumps and movements Sid does.

I can't do this any more Corey, I tried, I did, I know how much this band means to you, and I never want to take that away from you…but baby, she loves you so much, I love you so much, she needs you as much as your fans and your friends, if not more.
I love you Corey, I just can't love you alone anymore.

Xxx your Lucy forever.

Corey clamped the note in his hand tightly as a fresh wave of tears met his eyes, he realised now as he stared upon the body of his wife, as his insides tore into tiny bits, that he had done this to her. He should’ve left the tour, he should’ve been there for his family when they needed him – he should’ve heeded the warnings. But he didn’t, and his Lucy couldn’t take it any more, she loved him too much to leave him, but she couldn’t bring herself to stay with him.

"Mommy's gone," a small voice whispered from behind him. Corey turned and saw the only shining light left in his life standing in the doorway, only now her light was even brighter than usual – making up for the one he had lost tonight. "Mommy's gone," she repeated sadly, pointing up to the ceiling with a frown.

"That's right baby, she's gone to heaven," Corey sniffed; he extended his arms out and Abby ran forward and snuggled into his tight embrace. They rocked slowly together, tears streaming down their faces; Corey vowing to love his daughter in person everyday from now on.