Give me Envy, Give me Malice, Give me Attention

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Brendon Urie’s hands cupped my face when his lips met mine. His lips were soft, oh were they soft. He gently moved his lips against mine, I guessed not to move too fast. It sent tingles throughout my body. My hands moved to his hair and I opened my mouth slightly.

But all too soon we broke apart. Our breathing was heavier than usual. We sat there with our foreheads pressed together.

Brendon broke the silence first.

“I think we should go to bed,” he whispered. I nodded and we untangled ourselves. Brendon shook Ryan so they could go upstairs. They had to be on a different floor or I wasn’t allowed to spend the night. Ryan stumbled his way up the stairs and Brendon followed.

“Goodnight Aspen,” I heard Brendon call softly from upstairs.

“Night,” I said with a smile and I closed my eyes. I could still feel Brendon’s lips on mine.

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The next day Brendon and I didn’t acknowledge our kiss. At all. Life went on the way it always did. We had breakfast, took Sammie for a walk, and did homework. Ryan didn’t even know, or suspect anything as far as I knew.

Around 7 Brendon left Ryan and I alone so he could grab a shower before the party. When he walked out of the room Ryan turned to me with an accusing look on his face.

“What happened between you two?” Ryan asked.

“What exactly do you mean?” I decided to play dumb.

“What happened between you and Brendon between when Rose Red started last night and today?”

“Ryan, you’re going crazy,” I laughed but didn’t look him in the eye.

“Look at me Aspen. Tell me nothing happened.”

“Fine! We kissed okay? No big deal!”

Ryan looked shocked, as if that was the last possible thing that could have happened.

“Y- you what?”

“Brendon and I kissed.”

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me? When? Are you guys dating? Do you like him? Does he like you?”

“Whoa there Ryan calm down! What question do you want me to answer first?” I asked feeling slightly overwhelmed.

“Okay are you guys dating,” Ryan asked looking intently at me.

“No.”

“Do you want to date him?”

I didn’t know how to answer that.

There were two arguments to me dating Brendon.

First argument: We were best friends. Dating could completely and totally fuck that up forever. After you date someone the chances of being friends afterward are slim, especially in high school with raging hormones and dramatic teenagers. Six years of friendship could go down the drain.

Second argument: It could go somewhere. If Brendon and I truly liked each other and we made it work we might make it further than most people because we were friends for so long before. We knew everything about each other and if we loved each other for that then we could last. It was also our senior year and we would soon be going off into a more mature less dramatic world.

Both of those arguments wrestled in my head every time I thought of Brendon and me dating.

“I don’t know, Ryan. Everything could be ruined if we do. We’ve been friends for too long to risk it. But it could work. It could be great,” I said with a sigh.

“Has he said anything about it?”

“No actually, he completely ignored that it happened,” I said and even to my own ears I sounded disappointed.

“Oh,” Ryan said looking down at his socks. I instantly felt nervous.

“Oh?”

“Well when a guy kisses a girl and he realizes it’s a mistake he,” Ryan said and then stopped. I looked up at him and I knew what was coming next.

“He does what Brendon’s doing.”

“Kind of, at least that’s what I did when I was in that situation. But Aspen this is Brendon we’re talking about here! He could be doing this for millions of reasons,” Ryan said but he sounded falsely hopeful.

“It’s okay Ryan it doesn’t matter,” I mumbled.

“What doesn’t matter?” Brendon asked walking in his room with just a towel on his hips. His hair was dripping wet and he was getting water everywhere. Holy shit. I tried to avert my eyes but… wow.

“Nothing, what’s with the towel?” Ryan asked shielding his eyes.

“You know you like this,” Brendon said with a sexual look on his face. Don’t look don’t look don’t look.

“Cover it up sparkie,” Ryan laughed and threw him a pair of boxers. Bren laughed grabbed a pair of jeans that were forgotten on the floor and headed back towards the bathroom.

“Does he do that with all of his female friends?” I asked still slightly phased.

“What female friends? Aspen, you’re the only one.”

I liked hearing that. I liked it a lot.

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When Brendon, Ryan, and I arrived at the party it was well under way. The house smelled strongly of alcohol and music was blaring throughout the house.

Everything was purple. I couldn’t look around the house without seeing purple. It was frightening actually. My outfit wasn’t nearly as purple as some of the people here.

Brian walked up to us with a drunken smile but I didn’t recognize him with his purple hair. And he was definitely not the only person there with purple hair.

“Hey guys! I can’t believe you’re actually here. I thought you’d chicken out on me!” Brian slurred. “Aspen you are looking hott,” he added then gave me an awkward hug and tapped my bottom. Ugh, gross. I grimaced and Brendon and Ryan noticed and their faces grew stony.

“Let’s keep our hands to ourselves,” Brendon uttered as he grew to his full height. Ryan pulled me towards him.

I would say they’re a little protective of me. Okay, a lot. If something happened with a guy or anyone that made me uncomfortable they took control of the situation. It was nice; they kind of took over for my big brother when he left.

But I’d rather not think about that.

Brian just laughed and shrugged it off. “Have fun guys; let me know if you want anything!” Then he walked off to a group of girls. That’s typical drunk Brian for you.

“I like him better when he’s sober,” Ryan grumbled.

“Join the club,” I sighed. Brian wasn’t too bad of a guy. When he was sober he was actually really nice. When he was drunk he got a little frisky.

“I’m going to get us some drinks,” said Brendon and he got lost in the crowd of people.

I closed my eyes and sighed. But then, I got a horrible feeling. One of those feelings that made you feel like someone put an ice cube down your back. It gave you the shivers and made you automatically uncomfortable no matter where you were. I knew that feeling. I had only felt it once before in my life.

Dread.

But I shook it off. Ryan gave me a puzzled look but I just shook my head. Sometimes I wondered if he could read my mind. He always knew when something was wrong. Just like how he knew something happened with Brendon without me needing to tell him.

A popular pop song came on and Ryan smirked at me and held out his hand and he asked:

“May I have this dance m’lady?”

“Why of course good sir,” I giggled and then we danced around. Most people were grinding but Ryan and I were best friends, so we were flailing around looking like idiots. He spun me around and we laughed. He always knew how to put me in a good mood. When the song ended a slow song started and we decided against dancing for that one.

Ryan and I mingled with the people we knew. But Brendon was always in the back of my mind. He still hadn’t come back from getting us drinks.

“Aspen! Ryan!” I heard and I turned around. There was Spencer and Jon both smiling with drinks in their hands. They made their way over to us and they both gave me a hug.

“You look great Aspen! I almost didn’t recognize you,” Spencer said. I raised my eyebrows at him and then a look of comprehension covered his face. “Not that you don’t usually look great, I mean you always look very nice. It’s just you’re all dressed up now and you aren’t usually dressed up. Look you’re even wearing heels. And I love you so much and you’re the coolest girl I’ve ever met and one day I hope to father your children,” Spencer stuttered. Brent rolled his eyes and hit the back of his head.

“It’s okay Spencer, I was just giving you a hard time,” I laughed. “Have you guys seen Brendon?”

“Oh yeah he’s right over there. See him with that chick?” Spencer pointed over in the crowd of people dancing and having fun. My eyes narrowed in on Brendon.

And a girl. A girl who happened to be dancing very closely to Brendon. A bit too close for my liking. She was beautiful, though. She had long curly red hair and she had great clothes. I saw her whisper into Brendon’s ear. His eyes opened slightly and he looked down at her and smiled.

“Who is she?” I almost whispered.

“I don’t know but she’s fucking hott,” Brent said and Spencer nodded his head with agreement. I looked over at Ryan. His face was a cross between sympathetic and pissed off. He looked like he didn’t know what to say. Then his eyes widened and he grabbed my arm and pulled me away.

But not before I got the chance to see Brendon and the red head in a heated lip lock.