Give me Envy, Give me Malice, Give me Attention

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I walked into my next class a boy was sitting in the seat next to me. I knew who he was before I saw his face. I wondered what I did to make the universe hate me. I nervously took my seat next to the new kid. He had to be Bliss’s twin. There was no way it was a coincidence that two teenagers with fiery red curly hair and fair skin turned up on the same day. I could only hope that he wasn’t as bad as her.

Class began and the class settled down. Our teacher introduced him as Damien. He smiled politely at her when she mentioned at him and all heads in the class turned toward him. I carefully avoided eye contact with him throughout Biology. With five minutes left in the class and the lesson over, I figured I wouldn’t have to talk to him. I could save that for another day. Then Mrs. Webber walked toward Damien and I and I knew what she going to say before it even happened.

“Aspen would you mind being Damien’s lab partner? It’s only fitting because you don’t have one and Damien doesn’t know anyone here. I know you’re perfectly capable to do well in this class without a lab partner, but I think it would be nice if Damien could have one because he’s a new student,” Mrs. Webber said. I slowly nodded my head and suppressed a shutter. “Thank you,” she said with a smile and walked to her desk. I slid down in my seat trying to disappear on the spot. I didn’t need a repeat of what happened after lunch. My nerves couldn’t take it.

“So what did my sister do to you?” Damien asked casually. I was thrown completely off guard. I looked at him cautiously but he just smiled. “I know my sister’s a bitch. I can assure you her and I are completely different. Aside from the hair, we have nothing in common.”

“I- I thought that-”

“You thought I’d be just like her, didn’t you?” He asked, cutting me off before I could excuse my prejudgment. I figured the best way to get out of this situation was definitely not by making justifications for my actions.

“I’m sorry,” I said in a meek voice.

“Don’t worry about it. You’re certainly not the first girl who’s been afraid of me because of Bliss. She has a… big personality.”

“I think that’s a bit of an understatement.”

“Just a small one. Let’s start over shall we? Hi, I’m Damien,” he said putting his hand out for me to shake.

“Aspen,” I laughed and shook his hand. His personality was so much warmer than his sisters. It was surprising that they’re related. The fact that they’re twins was astonishing.

The bell rang and we both stood up and grabbed our bags. He let me out of the isle way first and we walked to the door together.

“See you tomorrow.”

“See you,” I said with a smile and we both disappeared into the mass of people rushing to their next class.

I didn’t remember about the seating arrangement in my next class until I got there. When I did I groaned inwardly. Brendon sat right across from me, making eye contact unavoidable. And of course we were in the middle of a project together. The ludicrous events of today just kept getting worse. Could Brendon have picked a worse time to kiss me?

I sat down at my seat with my head held high when I saw him. He was chatting with Spencer. Spencer obviously said something funny and Brendon laughed and looked up. His eyes caught mine and they lit up, just for a moment. My stomach did a flip but then he slumped and looked back to Spencer.

“Hey Aspen,” Spencer said with a grin.

“Hey Spence!”

“How are you doing darlin’?”

“I’m good,” I said with a smile. Spencer was a sweetheart. Class began and we had to work on our projects right away. Meaning Brendon and I had to work together after everything that has happened. We worked in an awkward silence for about ten minutes. We barely spoke which was contrary to our usual noisy banter that our teacher had to keep in control.

Brendon and I made eye contact for the second time and I looked back down to the papers in front of me.

“Can we please just talk about this?” Brendon pleaded breaking our uncomfortable silence. My heart skipped a beat.

“You can’t possibly have anything to say that will make this right.”

“No but just let me apologize. I can at least try,” Brendon begged.

“Not here,” I grumbled and went back to work. He sighed, knowing that I wouldn’t give in now, and got back to work.

“I’ll make it up to you,” he swore with a solemn look on his face. I just nodded, hoping he was right.

------------------------------------------------------

After my obscenely long day I drove home still upset. Bliss definitely didn’t need to move here and ruin my senior year. This year was supposed to be mine. I was supposed to hang out with my friends and have fun. I could just see her oozing through my pool of friends, infecting whoever she got to. Just the thought of it made me sick. I pulled into my neighborhood a little too fast in my fury. I cursed under my breath and slowed down. When I got in front of my house I stopped, jaw open eyes wide.

My driveway had the words, “I’M SORRY,” written in big bubble letters. I realized he must have written them in sidewalk chalk. I got out of my car and fumbled with my cell phone trying to call him. It rang once.

“What is this?”

“Open your garage door,” Brendon instructed.

“Brendon what-”

“Just do it,” he said and then hung up. I sighed and punched the code into the garage door opener and it opened, revealing Brendon sitting on a stool in the empty garage. His guitar was sitting on his lap and then he started playing and singing an acoustic version of Pieces by Sum 41. (lyrics)

I stood there silently as he put his guitar down and walked up to me, taking my hands in his.

“I screwed up. I am so sorry. I haven’t been thinking. I wish I could take everything back and not hurt you the way that I did, but I can’t. So I can only apologize and promise you that I’ll never do anything like this again. I love you like a sister, Aspen. And I’m not ready to cross any lines… okay?”

He looked into my eyes as he said his speech, sincerity ringing with every word. I looked down at our hands and saw how nicely they fit together. I sighed and look back at his eyes.

“You had to pick one of my favorite fucking songs didn’t you?”

Brendon’s eyes lit up completely and a smile formed on his lips. He pulled me into a giant bear hug and spun me around. At first I flinched at his touch, a natural reaction after the pain he caused me. Then I returned the hug. There was nothing I could do if he didn’t want me like that. I couldn’t change the way he felt, and I couldn’t change the way I felt. I was stuck in this vicious circle.

He let me go and just smiled at me. The question that had been nagging at me since the party slipped out of my lips.

“So who’s Bliss?”

The smile faded and he looked kind of upset. “Bliss is… a girl.”

“Oh yeah? You’re sure about that? I thought she was the devil reincarnated.”

“Ha, you think you’re cute. She’s really not that bad once you get past her, uh, spunk.”

“That’s like calling Freddy Kruger ‘misunderstood’,” I grumbled. He looked down at me and held his breath as if he was trying to hold back laughter. I smiled up at him and said, “Just let it out dude, you know you want to.” He finally just laughed and I laughed with him.

“I can’t believe you just compared her to a serial killer!”

“Yeah well the truth hurts,” I said earning another laugh from him.

“I really did miss you,” he said.

“I did too,” I said honestly. And I did. He was about to say something when my cell phone rang making both of us jump. Fall Out Boy’s “Dance, Dance” filled my garage, making Brendon jump and start dancing around singing the lyrics a lot louder than any normal person would have. I took a moment just to listen to his voice and then opened my cell phone. Caller ID told me it was Ryan.

“Hey Ry, what’s up?”

“Nothing I was just wondering how—is that Brendon?” Ryan asked, sounding stunned. Brendon was still in the background singing to no music whatsoever. He did that sometimes, getting lost in his own little world filled with notes and lyrics.

“Actually it is,” I admitted.

“You guys are okay again, then?”

“Looks like it,” I said and then laughed at Brendon… being Brendon.

“Is that Ryan?”

“You can’t stay mad at him even for a day!” Ryan teased.

“I know I can’t,” I sighed.

“Let me talk to him!” I looked up and shook my head, holding up a finger to signal him that we were talking. Brendon nodded his head and sat down looking intently at me.

“Well I’m glad you guys are okay though, I hate feeling like I had to pick sides,” Ryan said sounding relieved. I realized how unfair it was to him, us fighting. I couldn’t imagine Ryan and Brendon fighting with me in the middle.

“I’m sorry Ryan, I didn’t even realize.”

“No it’s okay! I’m just glad you two aren’t fighting!”

“Yeah me too,” I smiled then noticed Brendon trying to get my attention. I looked up at him quizzically and he mouthed ‘invite him over.’ I nodded my head letting him know I understood.

“How did he get you to talk to him?”

“He was very creative, actually. He wrote ‘I’m sorry’ on my driveway with sidewalk chalk, then he was in my garage and he serenaded me.”

“Tell Brendon that he needs to serenade me, too.”

“Ryan says you need to serenade him,” I told him, and he gave me a cheesy smile.

“Tell Ryan I’ll serenade him any time he wants.”

“Brendon said he’ll serenade you any time you want,” I laughed.

“I might just take him up on that,” Ryan laughed along with me.

“Do you think you’d want to come over?”

“Yeah! I’ll be there soon,” Ryan said then hung up. I rolled my eyes and closed my phone.

“He hung up on me.”

Brendon just smiled at me. We decided to go inside and wait for Ryan. For a few minutes we just caught up on everything we had missed in the last two days. There wasn’t much, but the separation seemed a lot longer than it really was.

When Ryan let himself in he jumped on Brendon and I, who were sitting on the couch.

“Ryan you fat ass get up!” Brendon groaned. He got most of Ryan’s weight on his lap.

“Fat ass? Aspen do you think I have a fat ass?” Ryan asked turning over so he could show me his butt. We groaned because of the weight change.

“No Ryan, your ass is perfectly fine,” I managed to get out.

“That’s what I thought,” Ryan said with a smirk and got off. He stood up and looked at us together on the couch and smiled. “I’m so happy you’re okay again!”

He jumped on us once again, only this time to hug us. We found ourselves in a group hug and I had one of those moments. Those moments where you know you belong, no matter where you are. You’re with the people you love the most and everything in life seems okay.

In that moment in time in the arms of my best friends I was home, for the first time in a while.