Blood Bond

"Listen...I know that I get angry really easy but that's because...I didn't expect it to be like this. I thought you'd be smitten with me at first sight and we'd be in love irrevocably. I didn't think I'd have to try so hard—I didn't think I'd have to try at all!" Daryl laughed slightly in self-pity.

"Daryl—"

"Shh. I'm trying to tell you my how my heart feels." He paused before continuing on. "When I saw how hard it was going to be to sweep you off your feet, I got so mad. I had been wrong for the first time in so many years. I was completely in love with you, yet you only felt the same at certain moments in time...I didn't understand and when I tried to make you feel the same about me, you got hurt emotionally and I blame myself for all your pain. You've been hurt so much that it really is too much for me to bear when I share all this pain with you. I don't see how you can handle all the stress."

I was speechless for one of the first times in my life. That's what he had been hiding all along?

"You should really tell me how you feel more... I had no idea... I thought you were just an abusive man... Daryl..."

"Yes?" he asked, trying to get close to me without my noticing. It didn't work, but I let it slide.

"If we're being brutally honest...I had interest in you the first time I met you. I just didn't really like the first words you spoke to me. And I get mad at you so easy because I just never understood why you did the things you did. And now, I find myself forgiving you, but for how long, I wonder? What if we fight like this around the kids? They'd be scarred for life and I don't want that. I know I'll be mad at you some time or another..."

"I can't say I like hearing that...but it worse comes to worse, then I guess just try not to say anything bad that they'll pick up. We will have time to speak our minds—that much I do know for certain. There is no going back. I'm sorry, but you're not leaving me. I couldn't live with myself knowing you're out there alone with my children. I have to care for you and them. I'm a selfish man, and I know that, but I couldn't let you leave here. Not in a million years. Not in an eternity," he corrected.

"Daryl...you are one selfish man." I couldn't stop my anger because of words.

"I know," he choked out. I sighed. Why did this have to be so complicated?

"I understand you want to raise your children, but...I'm not sure that's really the best. But at least tell me before you have another episode." He seemed hurt by the first statement.

"Okay...now." His face turned from regretful to angry in a flash. "How dare you tell me it'd be better for my children to not know their father?" he screamed, reaching out and pulling me to him. I gasped, but he held me close, almost protectively. "I fucking love you, dearest," he hissed, his face twisted in a sadistic way. "And I'll be damned if I let the best thing that's ever happened to me walk out my door with my kids in her arms."

"Daryl," I warned sternly.

"Tonia, my love." His face softened a bit as he made me look into his eyes. "I swear I will love you until the day I die—if that ever comes. I can't imagine not having you in my arms, even if you'd rather be somewhere else. I'm a selfish bastard, yes, but I’m okay with that if it means I can have a family with you." He kissed me softly.

I had toyed with his heart from day one. How could I be a heartless...monster?

"I'll try to love you, for the kids."

"That's all I can expect." He tried not to use emotion. "I hate you hating me so much."

"I'm not sure if I hate you."

"Yes, I can tell. If you loved me you wouldn't hate me at times: you'd forgive me."

"Why do I hate you?" I asked, wanting the answer. "Do I just love hating you?"

"Maybe...or maybe because I took you from your old life so I could knock you up and raise a family with you that you don't want."

"I'm sorry," I apologized, frowning.

How much was this talk hurting him?

"Yeah. So am I..." He helped me sit on the bed.

"They're kicking," I told him with a slight smile.

He tilted his head, asking permission. I nodded and he put his ear to my bloated stomach. He smiled and kissed it softly.

"I love you more than words can explain."

"I know...I'm trying Daryl, I really am. But it will take some time."

"I know...but I will wait for you to come around. If you loved me I could rest easy."

"Oh, Daryl...I don't want to lie to you...but I—"

"I know. Don't say it until you mean it." He stood and walked to the door. "I never stick to my word when it comes to you. You can come out whenever you feel well enough. You may get some dizzy spells every now and then, so just tell me when it happens. I want to be there for everything." He stepped out the door after I nodded.