Cracker Jack

I came home right after school one day in mid-December. I hadn't done that in so long that it felt strange. Mom wasn't home yet, and I was looking forward to being by myself for a little while. As I unlocked the front door, I noticed the mail sticking up out of the mailbox that was bolted to the faded siding. I grabbed it quickly before rushing inside to escape the cold.

I tossed the envelopes onto the kitchen table without bothering to look through them. I couldn't remember the last time I'd gotten a piece of mail, so there was really no point. I shrugged out of my jacket and threw it over the back of a chair before digging through the kitchen for something to eat.

I found a granola bar in a cupboard and peeled off the tinfoil wrapper. I was about to head into the living room to watch some television when something on the table caught my eye. Curious, I pulled a thin envelope from the pile and read it. It was definitely for me, but there was no return address. I sat down as I ran a finger smoothly beneath the seal and pulled out the folded paper inside.

Hayley,

I have to assume that you're not getting these letters. I can't say that I'm surprised. Mom doesn't keep many promises, but I should have assumed that she was telling the truth when she said she'd never let me be a part of your life again. And I'm sorry for that.

I'm sorry for a lot of things. I wish I would have tried harder to take you with me. Maybe if you were around, I wouldn't have done a few things that I regret. And I wouldn't be rotting away here.

On the other hand, maybe you would be in as bad of shape as I am. Hell, maybe you already are. I mean, you did steal a car. I'd really like to hear about how things are going with you. I'm going to assume that you're still as popular in school as you were when I left (that was sarcasm, by the way. It's really hard to portray that in a letter). I'd like to know that you're alive, at the very least.

I didn't put a return address on the envelope this time. I thought that maybe she wouldn't realise that this letter was from me, and that maybe you would get it. Now that's wishful thinking, huh? Anyways, I wrote the address on the back of the page. If you happen to get your hands on this somehow, you can write me back. It would be nice to have some kind of contact with you. I miss you, and I'm really sorry for ever leaving. I know that I let you down, and I didn't protect you like I should have.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Kevin.

My hand was shaking, causing the paper to make a rattling noise in my grip. Slowly, I turned the paper over and read the address that my brother had sent me. I should have guessed as much. He was in prison. But he wasn't in Detroit anymore.

How many letters had he sent before this one?

I wasn't stupid enough to go looking for them in my mother's room. Knowing her, they'd probably been incinerated the moment she laid eyes on them. Without thinking about it, I stuffed the letter back into the envelope and raced up to my room. I had nowhere to hide it that my mother didn't know about.

I didn't even know what I was going to do with it. I could write him back, but I knew that my mother was bound to find his reply and destroy it like she had all the others. Christmas break was starting in a few days; I could try and find a way to visit him. But I didn't know anyone that would take me there, and I definitely couldn't find a way to keep it a secret from my parents.

I still didn't have my head on straight as I threw on my jacket and hurried down the street. I knew that Evelyn would hardly even notice my presence; these days I spent more time at the Mercer household than I did at my own. When she answered the door, however, she looked surprised to see me.

"Hayley? Why aren't you down at the skating rink with the boys?"

"Oh, that's where they are? Thanks, Evelyn. I'll go head down there right now."

"Do you want to come and warm up first? You look cold."

I shook my head quickly. "Thanks, but I need to talk to Jack as soon as I can."

She pursed her lips, looking worried. "Are you alright, dear?"

"I'll be fine. I just really need to talk to someone right now, and Jack's the only one who really listens."

Evelyn nodded, and her white curls bounced a tiny bit around her wrinkled face. "He's a good boy. When the boys come home, you come in and have some hot cocoa, alright?"

I flashed her a smile. "Thanks, I will."

I turned and raced away, slipping more than once on the thick ice that covered the unplowed street. Normally, I would have gotten a ride down to the rink, but I had no time to wait around today. My breath was coming in ragged, uneven gasps that burned the walls of my lungs by the time I reached my destination.

"Hayley? Did you run the whole way here?" Camille asked, rushing over as I doubled over and planted my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath.

"Yeah," I answered simply, huffing loudly.

"Why? You should have gotten a ride."

"I needed... to talk to Jack... I couldn't wait."

She seemed to fret over how to help me, then decided to wrap an arm tightly around my shoulders in an attempt to warm me up. "Come and sit over here with me. You need to relax for a minute. Whatever you need to tell Jack can wait until you catch your breath."

I wanted to argue, but I was still trying to fight the pain that each breath of icy air was causing me. I allowed her to lead me to a bench outside of the ice rink, where I could see a group of guys playing hockey. It only took me a few seconds to pick Jack out from the crowd. He was the scrawniest guy in the bunch, and he was taller than most. He was also wearing the most black out of any of them.

My chest constricted even more at the sight of him. This was quite normal these days. I was starting to wonder if this was more than an average crush. I watched as Jack passed the puck swiftly to Bobby, who sent it sailing into the top right-hand corner of the net, directly past the goalie's glove. Bobby skated over and clapped Jack on the back. Over the past weeks, Jack had grown ever-closer with his brothers. They often spent evenings out roaming the streets of Detroit. Jack would fill me in on all the details the next morning on our way to school.

I must have arrived near the end of the game, because soon all of the men were leaving the ice and trading their skates for winter boots. Camille nudged me when Jack was untying his laces.

"You've caught your breath now. Unless he takes it away again."

I looked over at her, confused. "What?"

"Maybe the boys are blind, but I'm not." She gave me a sly smile, then got to her feet and hurried off to find Jeremiah.

I made my way over to Jack slowly, still not really sure what I was planning to do. When he caught sight of me, he gave me a shocked but happy smile.

"Hey, how'd you know I was here?"

"Evelyn told me."

He seemed to pick up on my stress, and his eyebrows pulled together in concern. "What's up, Hayley?"

I pulled the folded envelope out of my pocket and handed it to him. "I found my brother."

Jack abandoned his attempts to undo his laces and took the letter in his gloved hands. I waited patiently while he read it. It didn't take him very long, and soon he was holding the letter out to me again.

"What are you going to do?"

I stared out at the empty ice before me. "I'm going to go and see him, I guess."

"How?"

I shrugged, but inside I was twisted up with anxiety. "I've stolen a car before. What's the harm in one more misdemeanor?"

I could feel Jack's eyes boring into me. "That's not a misdemeanor, Hayley. That's a felony. And do you need me to remind you that you've also been caught before? You were just a kid then. The courts might not be so forgiving this time around."

"Right," I snorted. "Because I'm sure whatever you're doing at night with your brothers is perfectly legal."

"Well I'm sure as hell not stealing cars. Seriously, Hayley, let's talk to Bobby. I'm sure he would take us to go and find Kevin."

I looked up at him again, hoping that he would understand where I was coming from. "I need to do this on my own, Jack."

"I'm not letting you go alone," he said firmly. There was no fear in him now, only determination. "Even if you don't want my help, I'm coming with you."

"I can't let you ruin things at home because of me. I'll come home again, I promise."

He shook his head. "Mom will understand. Well, she won't kick me out, at the very least. i might be in a shitload of trouble, but I'll still have a home."

I felt something pull at my heart as I listened to him. I gave him the best grin that I could manage. "I told you that you'd call her mom."

Jack returned to pulling at his laces, though this time his speed was increased. He kicked off his skates and pulled on his shoes roughly. "Yeah, well, when everyone else does it kind of rubs off on you. Don't change the subject, Hayley. I'm coming with you."

"Fine. I'm leaving tonight."

"I'll be at your place at ten."

I stared at him for a long minute, wishing that he would change his mind. I didn't want to jeapordize the progress that Jack had made since he'd been with Evelyn. But I knew that if the situation were reversed, I would never let Jack head across the state by himself. So I really couldn't blame him for doing the same for me.

"I guess I'll see you then," I said, getting to my feet. I walked at a normal pace on my way home. I was no longer in a hurry.

I knew that I wouldn't regret this decision. Unless, of course, it ruined things for Jack. I turned up my street a few minutes later and remembered that I was supposed to go back to Jack's house to have some hot chocolate. Normally, I wouldn't have thought twice about ditching something like that and going home. But today, I wanted as many people as possible to see me in a calm and rational state. I didn't want people to expect me to do anything crazy tonight.

Jeremiah's vehicle was parked in the driveway, so I knew that the boys had beaten me there. To my surprise, Jack was leaning against the side of the house casually. He wasn't even smoking, he was just waiting.

"Mom told me you would be coming over," he said conversationally.

"You should really stay here tonight."

He shook his head stubbornly. "You're an idiot if you think I'm going to listen to you right now."

"It's a long way away, Jack."

"It's too far for you to go by yourself. I'm coming, Hayley. Get used to it."

I focused on my shoes, kicking a chunk of snow and watching it crumble with the force. "I don't want anything to happen to you."

Jack nearly choked. "And you think I'm willing to just sit back and watch something happen to you? You're breaking your promise."

I could feel the tears stinging behind my eyes as my gaze flickered back up to Jack's face. "What are you talking about? I would never break a promise to you!"

He shook his head, clenching his jaw in frustration. "You're leaving. And you expect me to keep my word and stay without you."

I walked up to him, reaching up and putting my hand on his shoulder. I waited until he looked me straight in the eyes, and I made sure that I held his attention. "I promise you, I'm coming home."

"You're right; you are. Because I'll be there to bring you back."

This time, I couldn't find any argument.