Cracker Jack

I noticed that, after Christmas break was over, there was a larger crowd gathered outside the doors of the school and puffing on cigarettes than there normally was. Even stranger was the fact that it was mostly girls.

When Jack and I walked up, they all turned to glance at him. Confused, I raised an eyebrow as I handed Jack my lighter. He seemed to have noticed their prying eyes, too. He put his free arm around my shoulders and pulled me tight against his side.

Suddenly I understood. Jack had been arrested.

"As much as they judge, and as much as they point their grubby little fingers, they're all still suckers for a bad boy," I grumbled.

"Don't be jealous, Hayley," he sounded amused. "They should know that I would go for another felon. Especially since you're my partner in crime."

I rolled my eyes, balancing my cigarette between my lips. Jack now had his pick of practically any girl in school. They all seemed to flock to the same things. Suddenly, the person that they had ridiculed and ignored was worthy of their attention. I didn't like it. Jack was obviously aware of my discomfort. His grip on me tightened, and he leaned in to whisper in my ear.

"Don't let them get to you."

"Can't I just hit one of them? You know, just to warn the rest of them to back off?"

"You know exactly what will happen if you do that, don't you?"

I sighed. He was right, of course. I knew exactly what would happen. He would jump in to save me. And I didn't want that to happen.

"Fine," I grumbled. "I won't spill any blood. Today, at least."

Jack waited until I blew out a cloud of smoke, then he kissed me. Without thinking about it, I pushed him off.

"Jack," I hissed. "Don't you know how I feel about PDA?"

There was a subtle, triumphant grin on his face as he took a long drag from his cigarette. "They're not staring anymore," he said.

I looked over at the small crowd of girls and found that he was right. Now, instead of watching us intently, they were huddled together and whispering feverishly. They cast secretive glances our way every now and then. I didn't know if this was an improvement.

"I'd bet money they won't be back out here next break."

I was still scowling as the girls filed inside a few moments later. Jack grinned at me, and despite the fact that I was grumpy, I had to smile back. His happiness was infectious. And I couldn't help but like the fact that it was me that was making him happy right then.

Weeks passed, each as mundane as the last. The student body returned to their habit of treating us like the gum stuck to the bottom of their Reeboks. I preferred it that way.

Angel was sent out on another mission. This one was supposed to last nine months. I knew that Jack was really going to miss him. On top of that, Bobby seemed to be getting ready to take off again. He was convinced that he had done all that he could for Jack. It was time for him to get back to his life. Whatever that meant. I was certain that I didn't really want to know all the dirty details. I hated to admit it, but I was going to miss having the two of them around. They had grown to feel like my own adopted brothers. I was a little wary about how Jack was going to feel once they were gone. He was going to be alone with Evelyn in that big house for the first time since the first week that he'd lived there.

At least now he had me. He would never be quite as alone as he had been back then.

Each day that passed left me more hopeless. I should have been happy that Jack effectively made me forget every bad thing that had happened in the past. With him, each day was a gift. His life up until now had taught him to treasure every good moment. Before, they had been few and far between. As much as I wanted him to be happy, I couldn't help feeling that I didn't deserve it. I spent every waking moment waiting for the floor to give way beneath my feet. Surely, it was only a matter of time before something went wrong.

On the day of Bobby's departure, I trudged through the swirling snow toward the Mercer house. It was early February.

"I couldn't get one day of freedom, could I?" Bobby smirked at me as he hauled a garbage bag of clothes out to his idling car.

"I'm sure you won't have to think of me again for years."

"I'll come back for Christmas. Maybe. Until Jerry and that witch get hitched, anyways. I'm sure I won't even be able to talk to him alone once that ring is on his finger."

I snorted. "Yeah, you're probably right. I would keep my distance, too."

He shook his head at that. "No, you won't. You're just as whipped as Jerry is. It's just too bad that little Jackie doesn't have enough of a spine to use that knowledge to his advantage."

"And it couldn't just be because he cares about me?" I arched an eyebrow, folding my arms across my chest.

Bobby chuckled. "For some reason, he really does seem to like you. Clearly he doesn't know what he's gotten himself into."

I smiled, fighting off a laugh. "Yeah, you might be on to something there."

"Bobby, Mom says you're supposed to go and take whatever you want from the fridge. I told her that you won't want anything because there's no beer in there, but she told me to come and get you anyway."

I glanced over at Jack, who then noticed my presence. A wide grin split his face, and the gesture made a warmth radiate from my chest to the rest of my body. As Bobby headed inside the house, Jack jumped down from the top of the steps and approached me in two long steps.

I had spent the previous evening studying in his bedroom. I hadn't had time to miss him, but his touch still excited me. His lips met mine gently. Jack was always careful with me. Especially since that first night when we almost lost control of ourselves in his room. I didn't know whether Bobby and Angel's absence would make it easier or harder to restrain ourselves. On one hand, there would be less people in the house to notice us. On the other hand, that might make Evelyn more aware of what the two of us were up to.

Jack let me go, but held onto my hand as we walked inside. I often caught myself watching him at times like these. I was so used to seeing him by himself that it was strange to see the way he acted around me. I liked the change, of course. As long as it was my hand that he was holding on to.

"Be careful, Bobby," Evelyn instructed. "Call me when you get there, and please keep me posted about your life. You know how I feel when you fall off the radar. I understand that you like your privacy, but please think of your poor old mother worrying about you every night."

"Yeah, Ma, I know. I'll keep in touch," he hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her bright white curls. It was the most affectionate gesture that I'd ever seen some from Bobby. It proved that he really did love and appreciate the woman for all she'd done. "I'll see you around, Jackie. Don't get yourself arrested, and don't give Ma a hard time. I know where to find you if I hear otherwise."

"I won't get into any major trouble while you and Angel are both gone. No one else will be around to do something stupid and take the heat off of me," Jack said, allowing himself to smirk a bit.

Bobby clapped him on the shoulder, then moved for the door. "Take care, Grove."

"Same to you, Bobby."

"Tell your brother to hit me up if he ever gets free."

"I really don't think I'll be talking to him anytime soon, but I'll try to pass the message along."

And then he was gone. We all watched through the window as he climbed into the driver's seat and drove away, never taking the time to look back. Suddenly, I felt jealous of Bobby. He was free to pick up and leave whenever he pleased. I was stuck here until I was no longer a minor. And even then, I wasn't sure how I could manage it without breaking my promise to Jack. Would the rules still apply then?

"We should go over our history notes again before our test on Monday," Jack broke the silence, and punctured my cloud of thought along with it.

I nodded and took to the stairs, leading the way up to his bedroom. We were sure to leave the door open just a crack. It seemed humorous to me that we had to do that now. Back when we were just friends, nobody paid attention to what we did in Jack's bedroom. Of course, they also didn't know just how often I was in there with him.

I sat down on Jack's bed, where his books were already spread out. I wasn't interested in history. I wasn't interested in anything that had to do with school. Jack knew this, of course. We had actually tried to study the night before, but I didn't really have any intentions of that now. I just wished that we could close the door.

I settled for a few kisses between the eras in the textbook. Jack seemed to be as desperate for more as I was. But both of us knew that it was too dangerous. Besides, we hadn't actually been dating that long. Our adolescent desires could wait.

I let the last kiss linger far longer than the rest. When I pulled away, I gave him a rueful smile.

"I should go."

"But you just got here."

I nodded toward his digital alarm clock. The electric red digits betrayed his argument. "It's been three hours. Evelyn will get suspicious soon."

"Yeah, your mom might worry."

"That's unlikely."

Jack's eyes were deep and longing as he gazed at me. "One day, I'll take you far away from here."

I nodded, choking on my sudden surge of emotion. "I know, Jack. But one day is a long time from now."

"Not really. I'm almost sixteen now, and so are you. In two years, Detroit will be nothing but a memory."

For the first time, I allow myself to imagine it. A life far away from here. With Jack. Maybe he would be a musician. Maybe I would be successful. Maybe we would be happy.

But it was a far-fetched fantasy. I couldn't prevent myself from facing reality. Jack's words painted a pretty picture, but in the end it wasn't real. It was a pipe dream. It was hard to put faith into such absurd notions when I was stuck here, in the middle of this hell. In fact, the longer I was with Jack, the more desperate I was to leave. I wanted him to come with me, of course, but I knew that I couldn't stay here. I couldn't live every day dreaming of what-ifs and maybes. I needed action. I needed to know that the two of us wouldn't die before escaping Detroit's neglected neighborhoods.

Maybe it was because of my relationship with Jack that I was suddenly so determined to go. Neither of us had a future here, even if we wound up together in the end.

I didn't want to take Jack away from Evelyn. I didn't want to destroy his first happy home. So I would wait.

As long as I could manage to.