Cracker Jack

"Welcome home, Hayley," Jack grinned as he helped me out of the car. Mom had allowed him to come along when I was finally able to leave the hospital. I allowed him to hold me by the arm, even though both of us knew how hard it was for me to accept help.

My eyes wandered away from my house and down the street. The spot where I had been stabbed seemed to jump out at me. The snow all around it had been melted away with copious amounts of salt, leaving a bare stretch of concrete that was clearly out of place. At least someone had attempted to get rid of the blood. I probably would have cried if I saw it now.

"Come on, let's go inside. Your bed is calling your name," Jack whispered, bringing me back to the present. As I turned back toward my house, a painful twinge in my back reminded me that he was right. I should have been in bed. I must have grimaced, because Jack's face contorted with worry. "How can I help?"

I forced a smile. "It's nothing. I'm fine."

"Clearly, you aren't," he said. But he didn't press it. He simply walked beside me, carrying my bag of things that had been brought to me at the hospital. It was mostly just clothes, since I had a hatred of hospital gowns, and the couple gifts I'd received from Sofi and Evelyn.

Mom walked ahead of us and held open the front door. "I can take her from here," she said briskly. "You can go on home, Jack."

I took a moment to marvel at the fact that she'd finally taken the time to learn his name properly. "Mom," I said. "I want him here."

"Just because you were in the hospital, it doesn't mean that the rules change. It's a school night. He'll need to get his rest so that he can bring you your homework."

I held her stern gaze firmly. "It's six-thirty. He can stay. It's not like anything will happen with him in my room; I can't risk tearing stitches."

Mom seemed to seethe for a long moment. She didn't argue. It felt like we had turned a new page in our relationship. Things were still just as tense as they had been before, but now she at least pretended to care about what I wanted.

Jack helped me up the stairs and into my bedroom. He gently lowered me onto the bed, then began propping up pillows behind me so that I wouldn't lean too far back and hurt myself. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Jack, you don't have to worry so much. I'm going to be fine. The doctors all said so."

"I know, but I don't want you to strain yourself. The less you move, the faster you will heal. I miss being able to get a little rough with you," his eyes twinkled with his joke.

I leaned back on the pillows and tried not to groan in discomfort. "Just give my twenty-four hours, and I'll be on my feet again."

Jack reached past me and set a bottle of pills on my bedside table. They clattered against the plastic container in an inviting manner. "Take twelve every hour if you need to."

I snorted. "Thanks, but I feel like overdosing would be a bad idea. Even if I'm still bed-ridden for a bit longer, it beats being dead."

He kissed the tip of my nose lightly. "You're getting smarter, Hayley. You aren't so destructive now. It's exciting."

"I could say the same to you. Look at you, sitting here in my bed and not going on some murderous rampage or getting arrested for me. It's a nice change."

"Not yet," he corrected. "We get to do that together soon, don't we? It'll be a whole new kind of bonding experience!"

"Right, because we need that. It's not like we don't get into enough trouble already," I said. The thing was, I was actually looking forward to it. I wanted to go running off on another adventure with Jack. Even if it meant that we would get into trouble again. I was never going to be anything but a criminal, apparently.

For a glorious moment, both Jack and I forgot about the current condition of my body. He pressed his lips to mine and I pulled him closer. Things grew more heated for a few minutes, but as Jack adjusted his weight I couldn't stop myself from gasping in pain. He jumped back as if I had sent an electric shock through his system.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry! Are you okay? What can I do?"

"Jack, stop! You are worrying way too much. I'm not made of glass; you're not going to break me. The last five minutes was the most fun that I've had in a week. I missed you. Don't take that away from me. Please."

His cheeks coloured in frustration. "Jesus, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to pretend that I don't notice when you flinch? Do you want me to pretend that it doesn't kill me when I know that I'm the stupid guy that caused you that pain? It doesn't work that way."

"Why are we always fighting?" I asked softly. "I don't want you to be upset with me. I know that I'm being stupid and difficult. You're all I have," I added in a choked whisper.

Jack sat down next to me and sighed heavily. "I don't want to fight either. I'm just scared, you know? I want you to get better. I can't deal with this as easily as you seem to be able to. I want to help you, and in the process I'm only hindering you more."

"That's not true. I want you to treat me normally. Physical pain is nothing compared to how I feel when I watch you jump away from me like I'm a disgusting leper."

I hated being this young. If Jack and I were older, I would have let him take me away months ago. If we had done that, we wouldn't be in this situation now. We would be in some other city, dealing with some other trivial problem. It would have been nice to be able to do that. But right then I couldn't run down the hall, let alone run away completely.

Jack reached out and gently lifted my chin with a hooked forefinger. "Trust me, in a couple of weeks there will be nothing that can keep me from doing whatever you want me to do."

Then he kissed me, but it was careful. His lips carely brushed against mine, as if he didn't trust himself to do anything more. He stood up and bade me goodnight, then left me alone with nothing but a bottle of pain medication. I closed my eyes and leaned back against the pillows, hoping that sleep would overtake me.

"Hayley, are you asleep?"

I considered ignoring my mother in an attempt to convince her that I was, in fact, lost in a pleasant dreamland. A sudden weight on the side of my mattress told me that she did not believe my facade. I looked up at her and found that she looked wary of me.

"How is your back?"

"It's in one piece," I said.

"Do you need to take a pill?"

I was suspicious of her niceties. "No, I'm okay. I'm not supposed to take another one for over an hour."

She nodded, as though my words had made a surprising amount of sense. "How is Jack?"

"Same as ever," I retorted.

"You're father is home."

"Is he? Why? Did the bar stop serving?"

She fumed in irritation for a moment, then did her best to calm down. "I know you're frustrated, and I know that you're hurt. You don't have to take it out on your parents. We're the only ones that are here to take care of you. Wouldn't it make sense to be a little nicer?"

Before I could stop myself, I opened my mouth. "It would make sense for dad to be drinking and for you to be ignoring me. I've gotten kind of used to that, you know."

Mom stood up so fast that I hadn't seen her move. "Is that what you want, Hayley?" she rounded on me.

"Of course that's not what I want! But that's how it is! It's been that way ever since Kevin left. You couldn't deal with it, and then soon enough you couldn't deal with me!" I felt my eyes grow hot with fresh tears, though they weren't from the argument that I was having. These tears were from physical pain. Yelling at my mother was a bad idea with a hole in my back. I reached out my hand and snatched up my bottle of pills.

"It's not time for your medication," Mom said softly, as if my words had actually broken through her exterior.

"But it hurts," I shot back. "I want it."

Mom sighed, taking the bottle from my hand and placing it back on my nightstand. "Hayley, drugs are not the answer. Neither is whatever other method you're planning on using to cope with this. The fact is, your father and I are all you have. You can't turn to Kevin, and that Mercer kid is just that: a kid. When push comes to shove, you still need me. And I can be a good mother to you. I know I can."

I felt too weak to fight her anymore. She really was trying. "Okay, Mom."

"I'm glad to see that you've come around." She handed my pills to me once more. "Do what you feel is necessary. But when these are gone, we can't afford to get you any more. Make them last." With that, she turned and left the room.

I sat in the silence, inspecting the small orange cylinder in my hand. I read the label three times over, blinking rapidly to keep the letters in focus. After a time, I took a deep breath and tossed the bottle across the room. The effort made me yelp a bit, and my feeble attempt didn't even affect the childproof cap. I scowled and settled back into the pillows. I already missed the hospital. I missed Jack holding my hand all night. I missed the way that strangers were at my beck and call, helping me whenever I needed it. I missed being away from home.

My door swung open and I looked up to find my dad stepping heavily into my room. I watched as he strode toward me, his eyes sunken and listless. His skin was slightly yellowed from liver damage, and his smile exposed dirty teeth. But the smile was still there. For some reason, that smile reminded me of a happier time. I rarely saw it now.

"How are you, kiddo?"

I smiled a bit at the nickname. "I'm okay. I think."

He noticed the bottle on the floor and stooped low to pick it up. "Don't lose these. They're almost as much as our mortgage payment."

"Dad, I'm really sorry that this happened. I know that it's not exactly helping our situation."

My father raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Don't you worry about that. You just get better, kiddo. It's bad enough that you got hurt; don't you go worrying about money, too. You're a good kid, Hayley. It's a shame that this happened to you. I'm sorry that you had to go through it."

He set the pills next to me on the bed, patted my head awkwardly, then left. I sat, stunned, in his wake. He had called me a good kid. I hadn't heard that since I was six.

That was probably the nicest moment that I could remember having with my father. I truly regretted never having a real relationship with him.

I fumbled with the childproof cap for a brief moment, then popped a single pill into my mouth. I swallowed, then closed my eyes. I hoped that it would give me enough peace to sleep through the night.