Cracker Jack

I watched through a crack between the closet door and frame as Evelyn sat down on Jack's bed beside him. As silently as I possibly could, I lowered myself down until I was sitting on the floor. I didn't know how long this would take, and I wanted to at least be somewhat comfortable.

"Jackie, I know that you've been through a lot," Evelyn began, her voice low and warm. "But I need you to know that none of those things will happen to you anymore. You're safe here."

Jack didn't move. His facial expression didn't change in the slightest from it's smooth, clear composition. He wasn't showing her any emotion. In a strange way, his barren face scared me. I liked him better when he was smiling and joking around.

Evelyn sighed. "Where's your toothbrush, Jack? It's not in the bathroom. This is the third time."

Jack still didn't answer. I now realised that he was acting this way because he knew that I was watching. Whatever Evelyn was talking about, he didn't want me to know.

"You don't have to hide it anymore," she continued, ignoring his silence. "Nobody's going to take anything from you here. Nobody's going to lay another hand on you. You don't have to be scared. I won't let anything happen to you. You're safe."

His carefully placed expression began to crack. I watched as he gave her a skeptical look. He still didn't respond verbally, but his eyes conveyed his thoughts clearly.

"You can trust me, Jackie. I know that trust is a hard thing for you, but this is one thing that I can safely promise that you won't regret. You've met two of my sons, and if you only knew the way that they were when they came to me, then you would understand that I'm telling you the truth. And yes, I know that sometimes Bobby says things that might make you think this is a bad place, but it's just his way of being an older brother. I wanted Angel to be here when you came, but there was no way that was possible. When you meet him, things will be easier for you. He's closer to your age, so he might know a better way to figure you out. But no matter what, nobody will hurt you. I want you to understand that this is home now. And home is a place that you should never be scared of. Do you trust me, Jack?"

He stared at her for a long, tense moment. Finally, he nodded. "I trust you."

She patted his knee affectionately. "Good. Now get some rest. I'll see you bright and early in the morning."

The small woman stood up and left the room. It took me a long moment to remember that Jack knew I was there, and he was probably waiting for me to come back out. I clambered to my feet and slid the door open. Jack was looking at me, and he seemed ashamed of something.

"What happened to you?" I breathed, trying to make sense of what I'd just witnessed.

He shrugged. "I already told you that I would have died if I'd stayed where I was. I really wasn't lying, Hayley."

I moved across the room fluidly, hurrying to try and reassure him. I felt so out of place doing this; I'd never been the kind of person that actually cared when other people were in pain. I sat down on the bed in the same spot that Evelyn had just left.

"What did they do to you?"

He avoided my eyes. "It's one of those things that you just want to bury and forget about."

I didn't want to push him to tell me anything that made him uncomfortable, but the suspense was killing me. "I'll bargain with you, okay? You tell me something about your past, and I'll tell you something about mine."

He looked up at me with sudden intrigue in his gaze. "It's got to be something good, though. You can't just hear about my fucked up life and come back with the story of your first day of school or something."

I nodded. "It's good. I promise."

Jack took a deep breath and stared at the floor again. He started to twist his hands together in an effort to distract himself. "First of all, tell me how much you figured out by what you just heard."

"Someone hurt you. Badly. That's really all I could pick up on."

"You'd better get comfy. This might take awhile."

I took his advice and adjusted my position on his bed until I was certain that I could sit for a long period of time. I gestured to him, encouraging him to proceed with his story. He took a moment to gather himself, then he turned to look at me. His eyes were piercing.

"I never knew my parents. I don't know anything about my own backstory. I really have no idea if my family is dead, or they just didn't want me. I've literally lost count of how many foster homes I've been to. None of them really wanted me, either. Eventually, I just got sick of it.

"I started acting out. It was just little things at first. You know, picking fights with other kids and that kind of stuff. As soon as I started doing those kinds of things, a lot of the foster parents thought that I was only going to get worse. So, instead of trying to help me get better, they just shipped me off to the next family that was willing to take me in. Pretty soon they ran out of halfways decent families."

Jack paused and looked away from me again. I was watching him closely, trying to figure out what he was going through by the expression on his face. He was too damn hard to read.

"It started with words and comments. In their eyes, I wasn't good enough to deserve to be in their precious little families. And they were probably right. They convinced me that they were right. I honestly believed that I wasn't worth their time. So I kept trying to be bad enough that they would let me move on to the next place. Sometimes, that theory worked well. But more recently, it was a lot harder to get away."

He stopped talking for a minute, and I could feel my chest tighten in sympathy for him. Despite my attempts to listen patiently, I reached out and touched his arm softly. He flinched, then gave me an apologetic glance.

"Jesus Christ, Jack. What did they do to you?" My whisper trembled slightly.

"The last place kept me for the longest amount of time," he went on. "With them, it wasn't just the verbal abuse anymore. There's only so much that people can say, you know? When the cops brought me home for the first time there, I got beat up pretty bad. So much for finding a father figure in the guy. It only got worse after that. They wouldn't even let me have the simplest of things. They said it was the only way that I would learn. Anything and everything that could be labelled as my own was taken away. I had one set of clothes, that was it. That's why I've been hiding my toothbrush, in case you were wondering. If it can't be found, it can't be taken away."

I tried to touch him again. This time, he was expecting it. He let me slip my hand inside of his. His eyes were curious as he observed me.

"How did you get out?" I asked.

"Child services made a surprise visit to check up on me. They took me out as soon as they saw how I was living. I found out later that, even in their eyes, I wasn't a priority. They should have checked in on me long before, but they were sick of having to find me new homes. They thought that I was always in so much trouble just for the sake of rebellion. They knew that I was going to keep acting the same way, no matter where they put me, just because I was so damaged by everything that had happened. Then Evelyn came and brought me here. And now you know my whole story."

I squeezed his hand. All of this was a lot to take in at once, but it made me feel like I could better understand him now.

"Your turn," he reminded me gently.

"It doesn't seem like such a big story now. But I'll still tell you, just to hold up my end of the deal." I changed my position again, still holding onto Jack's hand lightly. "I was thirteen when I spent a few months in juvenile hall. My brother had just had a huge fight with my mom about one thing or another, and he took off. Mom pretended that nothing was wrong, as always, so I freaked out. This time was different, and I honestly believed that Kevin wasn't coming home again.

"It was the first time I snuck out of my house. I was looking for him everywhere, but I couldn't find any trace of him. Believe it or not, I even came here. I talked to Angel, but he hadn't seen Kevin. He didn't even know where Bobby was. He thought maybe they went somewhere together. I didn't know what to do with myself, but I didn't want to go home. So I did something stupid and senseless. I tried to steal a car. I had no idea where I was going, all I knew was that I had to go. I got caught, of course. When I called my mom from the police station, she told me that it wasn't her problem. Kevin eventually came home, but I've never looked at my mom the same way again. That's why she thinks that I'm going to wind up a jailbird like Kevin was during high school. Before he dropped out, that is. He wanted to take me with him when he left the last time. Mom told him that she didn't have a son anymore, but she wouldn't let him take her daughter away, too. So he left without me, and I haven't heard from him since. I haven't spent any more time behind bars, but I've probably deserved to."

Jack was silent until I finished. "Where was your dad during all of this?" He questioned finally.

"Dad's not around all that much. He goes to work, and then to the bar. I sometimes wonder if he even knows that Kevin is gone."

"So you're as broken as I am, aren't you?"

To my surprise, a smile pulled at my lips. "Is that a good thing?"

"Kind of. It makes it easier to talk to you. You get it."

"I won't pretend for a second that I can relate to your whole story. But the broken home thing is something that I understand."

He stood up abruptly and crossed the room in one long stride. He began digging in a drawer in his dresser until he found what he was looking for. He pulled the object out and set it on top of the dresser, where it made a clicking sound as it collided with the wood. I stared at the pale blue toothbrush for awhile in silence, then turned my attention back to Jack. He was smiling at me.

"You're safe here, Hayley."