You Mustn't Give Your Heart To A Wild Thing

Something about the low, guttural growl erupting from my speakers reeked of familiarity and the large lump rising steadily in my throat, did nothing to qualm my suspicions or soothe my fears.

“Who did ye say this was?” I asked, rolling onto my side to see the bare back of…whoever, as he crouched, naked at my stereo. His shoulder length, onyx hair was pulled into a tiny, scruffy ponytail at the nape of his neck and an array of Japanese flowers ghosted the prominent lines of his shoulder blades. If it hadn’t been the third of August I would’ve probably given the guy a chance; he seemed nice enough. If it had been the third of August two years ago I would’ve given myself one.

“Some new band” He replied a minute or so later; when I’d forgotten the question I’d posed already. My sudden memory loss was only made worse as he turned to face me and I felt ridiculous as my mouth lolled open. His eyes were a shockingly bright green and quite beautiful “From England”

I recognised the voice; the roars flooding my room, more than I recognised the laid back drawl with which he spoke. I put it down to the loud, pumping music at the club the night before, the tequilas I’d body shotted with my ‘friends’ into the early hours of the morning. It was, after all, extremely hard to make out anything whilst in the throes of Hollywood, it was after all hard to pay attention whilst deep in throes of ‘I could give a shit’.

“I get sent a whole bunch of stuff each month to ya know, write about, review…give my highly regarded opinion…” His words trailed into nothing and I knew my blank expression had given me away. I was clueless, utterly clueless. “I work for Buzznet” He mumbled quietly, running his fingertips through his hair from his forehead to the very back of his neck. “Buzznet.com, it’s a new networking site for up and coming…”

“Like Myspace?” I interrupted quickly.

“Like Myspace” He agreed, “but more directed toward the music sce…”

“I hate Myspace” I seethed.

He looked a little uncomfortable for a second but a broad smile crept onto his lips as he fished his backpack from the pile of our discarded clothes and dug both hands in, his brow furrowing in concentration as he rummaged around.I groaned loudly as he dumped the entire contents of his bag onto the floor and retrieved a large, thick envelope from his heap of junk. “Do ye wanna make any more of a mess while ye…”

“Here it is” My eyes grew wide as he thrust a sheet of paper into my hands; hands which were trembling even before I noticed the photograph in the bottom right corner, and I swore I stopped breathing as my eyes scanned the words typed in bold on the page. “I’ve got to review their album, it’s not out in the states yet, I think they’re just… They’re from Sheffield. Isn’t that where you said you were…”

“We got that far?”

“We got a lot further than that Verity, I thought the lack of clothes would’ve given that awa…”

“Sheffield’s a big place” I mumbled, letting the piece of paper drop from my hands and float slowly to the floor. “I’ve never heard of them before”

“And from the sounds of this, you needn’t worry about hearing them again” He chuckled, “It’s fucking awful”

I opened my mouth to protest, but clamped it shut as the music stopped abruptly and Olivers voice ripped through the sudden silence that had washed over my apartment.

Bitch!

All thoughts of defending him disappeared.

“I have to go to school” I all but screeched, choking a little as my words got caught in my throat. His eyes narrowed suspiciously, but unlike me, it seemed he was capable of biting his tongue. “I have to have a shower and then school, I have to go to…”

“We got a lot further than you realise” He smirked, “You haven’t been to school in three weeks, you hate it and you’re flunking all of your…”

“Maybe I want to start a fresh?” I argued heatedly, resenting the fact that this person, this boy thought he knew about me, resenting the fact that it was growing obvious that I cared, even more.

“Maybe you should just ask me to leave?” He quipped.

“Would that work?”

“Is that what you want?”

He looked mildly amused as I opened and closed my mouth a few times in quick succession; the corners of my mouth twitching rapidly from a smile to a frown, but didn’t move an inch. Instead letting his eyes roam about my body, settling finally; and for a minute or so more than was comfortable, on my chest. I rolled my eyes and draped a bed sheet loosely around myself, before climbing clumsily to my feet and over him, and the mess that he’d just created.

“It was nice to meet ye…” He was silent for a few moments: it took him a minute or so to realise I wasn’t the joking kind, before mumbling his name as I reached the bathroom adjacent to my room. “Chad…Chase, whatever. I’ll see ye around”

I swore I heard him offer to join me in the shower but his words were cut short by the slam of the bathroom door and I had water gushing loudly from both taps within seconds of entering, to catch the first choked sob that escaped my lips, to coincide with the first pair of tears that rolled silently down my cheeks.

&&

I drummed my fingers nervously against the steering wheel; slipping in and out of sync with whatever was playing on the radio and squinted out of the dusty windshield, in an attempt to see the traffic lights that hung overhead. I hadn’t driven my beat up Mustang in over a month, I hadn’t been sober enough to do so.

My face was almost pressed to the glass before I caught a glimpse and the loud, obnoxious beep of a horn from the huge, blacked out Range Rover behind me told me I was mistaken in thinking that was amber.

I slammed my foot down; pedal to the metal and shunted on forward down Rodeo, cursing myself once again for leaving my sunglasses on the kitchen counter. Had I learnt nothing of the relentless Californian sun in two years?

The parking lot seemed relatively quiet when I pulled up and after a glance at my vintage gold Casio that hung heavy and loose on my wrist, I understood why. It was just shy of one thirty, everyone; and I mean everyone, would be out at Starbucks, getting their caffeine fix. I rolled my eyes at the mere thought and killed the engine, slumping back into my seat for a second or two to catch my breath and gather myself.

I’d lied to Chase; I had found his name scrawled with his phone number and the words ‘If you’re serious about a fresh start my buds say I’m pretty fresh’ tacked to my refrigerator, I hadn’t been to school in a month and a half. I wasn’t entirely sure I was still welcome, any letter they’d sent telling me otherwise would be sitting in the heap of unread mail in my hall. I wasn’t even entirely sure that this was what I wanted anymore.

I jumped; a little startled, as my cell phone buzzed in my jean pocket and huffed loudly as I set about retrieving it from the folds of tight denim. I needn’t have bothered, the number was unrecognised. I hadn’t answered calls from unknown numbers for well over a year, the mere sound of him breathing had been too much, his whisper of my name had almost killed me.

I pressed my palms gently against my eyes and took a long, deep breath in. The palms were to keep the tears from spilling, the deep breath was to remind me I was still alive.

My cell beeped once from where I had dropped it into my lap; signalling I’d received a message, and I peeked at it through the gaps between my fingers before letting my arms fall heavily to my sides.
I could just delete it, the number I vaguely recognised because of the triple 6 at the end told me I should just delete it.

My offer still stands Vee and will every August third until were both dead and buried. You should talk about that day, we should talk about that day. I’m here.

It had taken me just shy of five minutes to remember how to breathe and it took a good hour or so for my body to stop trembling enough for me to climb from my car. I’d been able to recount those same thirty words perfectly for three hundred and sixty five days now; every day since the last time I’d received them, yet they still kicked the wind from me and I still couldn’t begin to fathom a response.

Another quick glance at my watch; as I crashed through the double doors of the North building, told me it was fast approaching two forty five. I had exactly an hour and fifteen minutes to decide whether I still wanted to be here, I had an hour and fifteen minutes to prove I still deserved to be here.

The silence that washed over the room as I stumbled through the door, raised goose bumps over every inch of my skin and I couldn’t help but blush as I counted fifteen pairs of eyes fixed unflinchingly on me. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing but my breath; held in since leaving my car, passed my lips. I hadn’t even formed a sentence in my head yet, the parting of my lips had been nothing but a little premature.

I felt my chest tighten and my cell phone buzz from the deep depths of my bag. I felt my legs moving uncontrollably beneath me and the scorching afternoon sun on my face as I tripped back out into the parking lot.

I felt ridiculous, I was ridiculous.

I threw my bag ; from where it’d been slung over my shoulder, onto the floor in front of me and dug both hands in deep, sifting through the rubbish that had accumulated at the bottom. My fingers brushed over the smooth screen of my ipod, my fingertips tangled in the scarf I always carried but never wore to tame my hair; as I’d intended, before I found what I was looking for.

I pulled the small, metal tin out with a triumphant smile and shook it gently as I brought it to my ear.
I felt pathetic, I was pathetic.

I’d barely brought the crumpled joint to my lips before it was pulled harshly from the corner of my mouth and I’d hardly managed to focus my eyes on the culprit before a vaguely familiar voice pierced through the air. “You might not want to do that bro”

I rolled my eyes and blew the remaining thick white smoke from between my pursed lips. “Why not, bro?” I questioned, my childish tone making me cringe the moment my words reached my ears. My rolling of eyes was mirrored and I shifted uncomfortably under her surprisingly stern gaze, watching as she twirled a bright blonde flash of hair; tucked behind her ear, around her index finger.

“You don’t want to fuel the fire either. There’s more than enough rumours flying around here about you and…”

“Rumours?” I questioned quietly, chewing down on the corner of my bottom lip as she nodded her head. “Ye’ve heard…”

“You’ve been MIA for a long time dude, people talk. Girls talk” An uneasy smile spread tugged at her lips and she rolled the joint I’d been smoking between her finger and thumb “Don’t give them the satisfaction bro, don’t let them…”

“I’m Verity” I interrupted quickly, thrusting my hand toward her with a surprising amount of gusto.

“I know” She smirked, taking my hand and giving it a polite shake. “ Everyone knows”