You Mustn't Give Your Heart To A Wild Thing

“Do you and Danny want to come?” I asked, sweeping liquid eyeliner gently and carefully across my left eyelid. The left was always the trickiest because no matter how much practice I got, I still couldn’t get the knack of going from inner to outer corner. My left eyelid was always decorated backwards, and with a scrunched, squinting face in the mirror. Something Samantha found hilarious.

“On your ‘meet the folks’ date with Gaskarth?”She marvelled around her smirk. “We’ll pass, but thanks”

I looked to Danny for a little help but his head was lolled back against the couch cushions and his eyes were closed, his only noise being that of his shallow breathing from his hang-dog mouth. And that was of no use to me.

“Did ye drug him?” I asked raising an eyebrow at my friend; one that only jumped further upward as she began to chuckle softly; a laugh to accompany the wink she threw my way.

“Cool it Nancy Drew” She sighed as I felt my brow furrow with concern. “He’s had a busy day at the office”

“An’ by office, ye mean...”

“Helping your boyfriend with his guitar” She smiled uncertainly, “Or some shit. He may have boxed up some shirts too, as is his crazy life”

I smiled small and turned back toward the mirror, admiring the onyx black sweeps across my eyes before pinching at their flicked corners with my uncommonly clammy fingers. Nerves had been shuddering through me all day and despite my best efforts; and some Camomile tea courtesy of Sam and her quick trip to the deli on the corner, I was still light-years away from being at all calm.

“What time are we expecting your man candy?”

“What time is it now?”

She pulled her hand from beneath the comatose Kurily and shook her watch down her wrist. “Uhm, Six...forty five”

“Fifteen minutes ago, then” I mumbled, letting my arms drop heavily to my sides. I could feel my temperature rising; intense heat creeping up either side of my neck and flushing across my cheeks. The last thing I needed right now was a hive breakout. Not only would it be uncomfortable, but it would in no way go with the turquoise shade of my dress.

“Is Jake a stickler for time keeping?” She enquired, leaning forward on the couch to grab a slice of the funfetti cake we'd saved from lunch.

“He’s still in the shower” I shrugged, “So I’m guessin’ not. But ye know, I wanted Alex to be ‘ere early so I can...”

“Warn him?” Sam smirked, flicking her freshly dyed fiery red hair from her bright blue eyes. We’d spent the first hour of the day making her colour ‘pop’ and the rest of the morning trying to clean said colour from every surface in the bathroom. “Give him the 411, the DL, the...”

“Prep him” I interrupted swiftly, pouting my lips in the mirror whilst running a mental list in my head of my lipsticks that wouldn’t clash with both my eye shadow and dress. “I don’t need to warn him. This were Jakes idea, he wanted to meet him. I’m merely gonna be the side salad to their cheeseburger and fries tonight”

“You’re making it sound like your brother and boyfriend are going on a date Vee” Sam guffawed, her sudden snort of laughter shaking Danny from his sleep with a hugely disgruntled moan. “Are you third- wheeling tonight? Is that what you’re doing?” She placed a soft kiss in the centre of Dannys forehead and I watched in amusement as the simple action had him crashing back into the cushions.

“Ye know that weren’t what I meant” I groaned, digging into the make-up bag on the fireplace and searching for ‘Ipanema’. It was pink but not too pink, light but not entirely pointless. It would go perfectly with both my eyes and my dress and it wouldn’t stain Alexs lips when he arrived and I gave him the huge kiss I’d been craving all day. “’m hardly the important factor tonight Sam. ‘s more about Jay and Alex hittin’ it off”

“Again with the date talk”

“Fine. ‘s more about Alex proving himself over Oliver. Is that what ye wanted me to say?” I snapped, “I don’t know if that’s what Jake and Alex believe this is, but that’s what I want it to be. I want Jake to realise that there’s someone just as good for me, that isn’t Oliver Sykes. I want him to tell me that he sees Alex makes me happy, that he sees Alex is the best thing that’s come into my life since leaving Sheffield, because maybe then I’ll see it too. Maybe then I’ll let go of the crossed I and the dotted T, I’ll get over August third and I’ll let someone love me ‘cause they want to, and I want them to. Maybe his admission will force mine from wherever the fuck it’s been hiding. Maybe if Jake admits that he likes Alex, I’ll have the balls to admit it too. I don’t need them to be best friends, I just need him to prove that Oliver isn’t everything”

I was breathless and Sam seemed to be speechless. My mouth was dry, but my eyes were anything but.

She jumped to her feet in an instant, knocking Danny from his slumber; and almost the couch, before grabbing my hand tightly and tugging me down the hall toward her room. I watched Jake stumble from the bathroom through the blur, I heard the out of tune doorbell over the intense beating of my heart. And then the door was slammed closed and we were plunged into the shortest of silences.

“I didn’t know this meant...all of...well, that” Sam stuttered as I crumbled at the knees onto her bed. “I thought it was dinner, I thought it was a chance for your brother and Alex to hang out, drink a few beers, create some lewd ‘in jokes’. I mean you’re going to that fucking Mario Lopez place bro, that’s not the place I’d expect such a showdown to go on”

“’s not a showdown Sam, it’s a...”

“You’re asking Alex to prove himself against someone who isn’t even here. Someone who; from what I’ve heard, has hurt you over and over again, yet you still worship the ground he walks on. Still he’s got a fucking halo, intact, hanging above his head” She asserted, “That’s a showdown Verity. And one that Alex can’t possibly win if you continue to keep Oliver on that fucking pedestal”

“’ve not got Oliver on a pedestal” I argued, my tone not matching the assertiveness of my words.

“He’s on a fucking pedestal bro” Sam repeated, resting back against her dressing table. “Way above Mother Theresa, Ghandi and that kid that gives you free fries at In and Out on a Sunday”

“I love that guy”

“You love free fries” Sam corrected, folding her arms across her chest. “The guy’s a bit of a douche”

“If your brothers acknowledgement is what you need to help you realise your feelings towards Alex, and you won’t be swayed otherwise, then so be it. But bro, honestly, if you give him a chance I have no doubt that Alex will help you get there on your own”

“I know he will, at least, I think he will” I was struggling terribly with my words, despite knowing exactly what I wanted to say. “I’ve had one real boyfriend Sam, one, and that was Oliver, and that’s all I’ve known. It’s natural to compare a new boyfriend to the ex, I mean you’ve done it with Danny and...”

“You’re not though, are you”

“Not what?” I asked of her statement. “What am I not...”

“You’re not comparing Alex to Oliver. You’re comparing him to a perfect version of Oliver” She sighed. Bro, think of it like pimp my ride. You’ve polished him up to be some amazing, zooped up, ‘tv screens in my wing mirrors and a bowling alley in my trunk’ Mercedes, when really he’s a fucking beat up, falling apart pick-up truck underneath”

“Ye using Pimp My Ride to prove a point right now?” I marvelled, a few words short of completely speechless and teetering on the edge of concerned. “Ye just likened Oliver to a pick-up truck? Seriously, ye...”

“Do you not get the point though Bro?”

“Do I not get the...there’s a point? Ye actually have a reason for throwing Pimp My Ride in there and...”

“You’ve created some ‘perfect’ Oliver to replace the real one. This one never cheated on you; you didn’t have the messy break-up that you still run over and over in your mind, and if you went home he would jump at chance to be your boyfriend again. He wants nothing more than to be ‘Oliver and Verity’ again”

Her words were twisting my stomach into painful knots, choking me like hands gripped tight around my throat and making my heart pound so hard I was in fear of it pounding its way past my ribcage and out of my chest. “But that’s not real bro, and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can move on and put all of that shit behind you”

I wanted to argue with her. I wanted to scream and curse and stamp my feet, and tell her that she was wrong. Tell her that I could go back and make it right. That I could go home and we’d be ‘Oliver and Verity’ again , and that everything could be fixed just as easily as it had been broken.

But it can’t and I couldn’t. It wouldn’t and it shouldn’t.

“Let’s get you cleaned up” Sam smiled uncertainly, catching my chin between her fingers and taking a look at the make-up blurring my eyes and dirtying my cheeks. “You look like you’ve done a few rounds with Tyson”
A small smile creased across my lips and I found myself taking a deep breath in for the first time since being dragged from the living room.“Alex is no Oliver” I whispered softly to myself whilst Sam bustled around trying to find some cover-up. “But Alex is Al...”

“What did you...”

I jumped a little at the loud knock on the door, and Sam froze where she’d been crouched at the foot of her bed.

“Are you ladies decen...”

Before he could even finish his sentence I’d jumped from the bed and flung the door open, and before I could even register the head-spin I’d been thrown into from such a quick, abrupt movement I had dove into his arms, and my dizzy head was buried deep into his chest. “Hello to you too” He whispered huskily into my ear, his hands coming to rest on my thighs as I hung from his front like a monkey.

“Hi” I replied softly, breathing in his light scent of soap and fabric softener as I let my lips trace a kiss against his shirt.

“Are you okay?” He asked, craning his neck to get a closer look at my face. “You look like you’ve been...”

“It’s nothing” Sam interjected, bursting forth with a cover stick in her hand. “Clutz here hit her nose, y’know when you really hit it in just the right spot and you cry like you’re watching the end of Titanic for the very first time again, yeah, she did that bro. Right after doing her make-up too, gets all the luck this one”

I crawled carefully from Alexs arms and padded towards Sam, retrieving the cover-up from between her fingers with an appreciative smile. There wasn’t a pedestal high enough for the girl in my eyes.

“Thank You”

She shook her head and whispered a small ‘no problem’ as she brushed passed me; and then Alex, to make her way back to the living room. “You might want to stay with her, keep an eye on her, make sure she doesn’t injure herself anymore” She smiled in passing, “Cover-up can only cover so much”

Alex nodded with a smirk and closed the small gap between us with a few, short strides, his arms looping tightly around my waist and his forehead resting against mine as his eyes settled hungrily on my lips.

For our third date we had gone to a restaurant that required a little more finesse than we were used to, I’d worn my best LBD and highest skyscraper heels and Alex had excelled himself with a waistcoat and a pair of slip-ons that didn’t fall apart from his feet as we walked in. That was the most dapper I’d seen him, until now.

“Ye wearing a tie” I marvelled, running a fingertip slowly down the black, silk skinny tie before letting my hand rest at the rim of his pants.

“And you’re wearing a very...” He let his lips fall to my exposed shoulder and kissed my freckled skin softly, before moving to my left side and doing the same as he continued to speak. “very, nice, dress”

With the word ‘dress’ his lips found mine and as quickly as his tongue began battling against my own, my fingers were tangled with his at our sides. His lips were soft and I could taste the remnants of his last cigarette he’d tried to hide with gum. They moved seamlessly with my own, our heads flipping from side to side in a well practiced motion, whilst our bodies pushed ever closer together.
My chest was pushed against his when we finally parted.

Our foreheads together, our chests together, our hips together.

“So we definitely have to go for this dinner?” He chuckled; his cheeks flushed a light pink and amusement dancing in his light brown eyes as he let his hands caress the silky fabric of my cocktail dress.“We couldn’t just skip it, and.... y’know”

I slapped my palm lightly against his chest and made an attempt to pull myself from him; an attempt that was quickly thwarted by his death like grip on my waist. “A few more minutes” He argued, “I have to be on my best behaviour for the entire night, you could at least let me feel you up for a few more minutes”

His lips were on mine before I could object, and who was I to object anyway.

“Please say you’re as nervous about this as I am” He breathed against my mouth. It tingled, his softening grip on my hips tingled.

“It’s dinner, it’s a chance for you an’ Jay to hang out, drink a few beers, create some guy ‘in jokes’” I smiled, repeating Sam words and pecking softly at his cheek as he let his head fall forward ”I mean we’re going to that Mario Lopez place, ‘s not gonna be the Spanish inquisition. He just wants to meet ye”

“He could hate me”

I shrugged, “He could not”

Alexs bottom lip caught beneath his teeth and it took all of my strength to not dive back into his arms and proclaim a rain check.

“ ‘s not what Jake thinks that matters” I smiled small, meeting his brown eyes with mine and bringing our tangled hands up to rest against his chest. I caught the side of his thumb between my lips and placed a gentle kiss against his skin before parting my lips to speak. The words weren’t coming easy, but I’d not expected them to. I could feel them snagging at the back of my throat, sticking fast to the roof of my mouth and holding onto the tip of my tongue for dear life. “I’m the one that’s gonna fall in love with ye Ale...”

A short, abrupt cough came from behind us and I turned to see my brother leant against the doorframe; his arms folded across his chest and his eyes trained unflinchingly on Alex. Even in his button down black shirt and black dickies work pants he looked a little menacing; with tattoos spilling from every available cuff and collar, and I couldn’t blame Alex for dropping my hand as though it were a thousand degrees and hunching at my side. But as Jake began to mumble incoherently, in a way I knew only too well as his reaction to feeling uncomfortable, I laced my fingers back with Alexs and gave him a reassuring nudge on his arm with my forehead.

“Uhm, I were just on my way t’ the living room” Jake mumbled, “An’ I thought...are ye ready, ‘cause we should probably...”

“I’m Alex” His hand switched from enveloping mine to shaking Jakes, and my brothers smile told me that whilst the action was unexpected it was very much appreciated. “Alex uh, Alex Gaskarth...your sisters, Veritys...boyfriend”

“I know ‘o ye are” Jake chuckled softly, reciprocating Alexs firm handshake before swinging his other arm round to pat his back. “’m Jake, that lot o’ troubles big brother”

“Ah, she’s no trouble at all” Alex smirked, moving back to my side and looping one arm around my waist as he placed a clumsy kiss atop my head.

“Aye” Jake nodded sceptically, “Well, give ‘er time”