You Mustn't Give Your Heart To A Wild Thing

“I know I was a little sceptical at first…”Alex treaded carefully, pronouncing each syllable with particular concern as he picked at the scrambled eggs on his plate. “because, well, since we’ve been out here you’ve been totally distracted and…I don’t know. I just thought that maybe you were using this ‘job’ thing as an excuse to be away from me or – or something”

I opened my mouth to object; to remind him of the raging argument we’d had just two nights prior, but he pressed on before a single murmur could pass my pursed lips. “But I get it, Vee. I’ve given it a lot of thought and what you’ve said – about needing to be occupied all the time – I understand it, you’re the same at home. I mean you have school like one hundred hours a week or something and when you’re not there you’re thinking about it, working on your projects…and that’s just fine. It’s never been a problem for us; why should it be different for us here, right? I’m busy with everyone and you know I’d love you to be part of that, but I get that you won’t necessarily be interested in all of this and well, y’know, likewise…I guess. You’ll want to do things that I…”

“In short, ye going t’ let me keep working at the record shop?” I sighed, raising an eyebrow. “Dad”

He laughed a short, sharp, hollow laugh – but a laugh all the same. “You know I’m just looking out for you”

“Ye don’t need to. Ye my boyfriend, not my carer” I assured, carefully leaning across the island we were seated at. “I want ye to look at me, not out for me. Ye supposed to make me hot, not hot with frustration”

He shrugged somewhat dismissively and re-focused his attention on his breakfast. “What time are you finishing up this evening?” He asked his plate.

“Me?” I asked, “Or ye eggs?”

He drug his head upwards as if it were the weight of the entire world bowing it down in the first place and met my stare with his; only able to keep his angsty scowl for a further second or five.

“I thought we could go out someplace” He smiled small, “just the two of us. We’ve only been out with my friends or my parents since we got here. Maybe we could go for dinner or a movie…I’ve got some ideas”.

The corner of my bottom lip caught beneath my teeth as I watched a flash of something wicked dance between his mocha eyes. There had always been a thin line between good and bad ideas with Alex - much like myself - and the smirk I could see him suppressing was doing nothing to calm the uneasy twisting and twirling in my stomach.

“’s this ‘out’ out or just outside, out of the house, out? Because I’ll need t’ plan my outfit accordingly” I questioned, hoping for subtle hints in his answer as I glanced down at the frayed shorts and plain taupe v-neck I’d thrown on thirty minutes previous.

“You look good in anything” He beamed proudly, tapping the prongs of his fork against his now empty plate.

“’s very sweet Al” I quipped, “but ye know what I mean. Wherever ye takin’ me, I don’t wanna be seen as inappropriate or…”

“What you have on is just fine” He soothed, noticing the fervent tapping of my feet in my sandals. “I love that colour on you, actually”

The blush steadily crept up either side of my neck, with both cheeks in its sights. Despite my somewhat frantic packing and departure from Sam and I’s apartment the very moment Alex had arrived, I’d spent a few days before making sure that I had the perfect amount of ‘Oh, I’ve just thrown this on’ outfits for the summer. In fact it had been just the week before that, in Forever 21, that Sam and I had made the groundbreaking discovery that taupe made my skin appear the perfect shade of caramel.

“Did you want a ride to work?” He asked, slicing through the impromptu silence that my blushing had created “I think Sommer’s meeting some friends for brunch and I’m sure she wouldn’t mind dropping you off at the store. It would give you guys a chance to talk, even”

Despite Alex’s best intentions, I knew the truth. Sommer had made her dislike for me obvious when we’d spent the Christmas holidays in Baltimore and this time around, she was yet to even acknowledge my presence in the house she shared with her parents.

Alex had been open with me from the beginning about his sister’s thoughts on his move to California and he’d been even more forthcoming about his upset at her reaction to him not returning home after the death of their brother. In Sommer’s eyes he had abandoned her and their family and even though I didn’t know Alex - hadn’t even heard of Alex, when the incident had happened. Sommer associated me with California and in turn felt that I was somehow responsible or to blame for the distance, both physically and emotionally, between her and her closest sibling. Or so it seemed.

“I can walk” I answered with a small shrug, praying he would drop it. “I like walking around Baltimore, ‘s not like walking around in LA. It feels real an’…”

“We’re a good forty five minute walk from town” Alex interrupted waving a piece of crisp streaky bacon from my plate, in his hand, before snapping it in two between his teeth. “And you’ll get lost – which isn’t advised in some areas…ifyaknowwhatImean”

He had a perfectly valid point. I too didn’t feel that confident that the brief tours we’d been on would ensure my safe arrival at the Sound Garden. I could, however, try to save face between Sommer and I and keep the peace with the Gaskarths…all, of the Gaskarths.

“I’d really rather walk. Ye don’t get t’ see anything in the car, ye whizzing by so fast and…”

“Som isn’t a NASCAR driver, Verity” Alex chuckled, “and I’m sure if you see something magical or whatever, she’ll slow down and maybe even let you take a picture of it”

If there was one thing that exhausted me of Alex, it was this. We had completely different views of family and how far the other would need to go, in order to part of ours. Alex had argued - somewhat fairly, that my family were thousands of miles away and that it was wrong of me to judge him for wanting to include me in every aspect of his life, when I had no chance of including him in mine. But I’d told him, time and time again, we could’ve lived right next door to my Mother and I wouldn’t have left him alone with her for a second; let alone lunch appointments, movie nights and car journeys I didn’t want to seem like a petulant, rude child but I didn’t want to spend time alone with Sommer either.

“I’ve already asked her if she’d take you” Alex nodded assertively, “and she said be ready by ten fifteen, so you might want to chow down”

“Ye jokin’?”

“Is it funny?” He questioned, having noticed the hostility in my tone.

“Not particularly” I sulked, unconsciously sticking my bottom lip out in a childish pout. “I’ve barely touched my breakfast, ‘ve not brushed my teeth. Ye couldn’t have told me this earlier?”

“You’ll not have time to do either of those things at all if you walk. I’m doing you a favour, Sommer is doing you a favour. So be nice and courteous, and accept the ride”

‘Accepting the ride’ was something I did constantly for Alex; I accepted everything that was thrown at me. The tours, the friends, the family, the girls; the lifestyle, the late nights, the weeks alone.

“D’ye think I’ve enough time t’…”

“Are you ready?” Her words fell from the very tip of the tongue the same way Alex’s did, as if she were bored of speaking before she’d even begun. However, what I’d always found a little endearing on Alex was just cold and unfriendly on his sister.

“Just let me grab my bag and sh…”

“Did you tell her to be ready by ten fifteen?” She asked, wedging herself in the small space between Alex and I, her back turned to me. “Tiffany and Sara are already at the Coffee Bean and I can’t keep them waiting for hours while your friend eats her burnt breakfas…”

“Alex made breakfast, actually” I interrupted, in a lame attempt to take the focus of her sharp tongue from myself.

“Mom said we’re heading to Aunt Karen’s around six thirty tonight” She continued seamlessly, scraping her hair into a topknot. “I thought we could carpool and…”

“We uh, we actually have plans tonight Som” Alex stammered, busying himself with collecting up our plates and shuffling - under her stern glare, across the kitchen. “Mom said the barbecue isn’t a big deal. Just some excuse for Uncle Chuck to show off his new grill, it’s…”

“I thought you’d want to see your family while you’re home” She scolded, crooking a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. “I mean it’s not like you’re here that often, is it Alex”

It was a rhetorical question and one that I saw made Alex visibly shudder. Aside from the strong desire to slap his sister, in that moment I wanted nothing more than to dive across the room and plant a reassuring kiss on his cheek. However, I doubted that even the smallest PDA between Alex and I would throw mine and Sommer’s relationship back towards prehistoric times – and we were doing so well here in the Ice Age.

“Sommer. Verity and I have plans tonight” Alex repeated; his breathing deep and steady as his knuckles flushed white against the dark marble countertop that he was now gripping. For someone who had grown up around arguing, I’d always felt uncharacteristically uncomfortable around quarrelling siblings. “If you want to sneak a beer or two at Aunt Karen and Uncle Chuck’s - deeming you unfit to drive your piece of shit car, you’ll have to get a ride with Mom and Dad”

A stunned silence washed across the kitchen - bar the slow drip of a tap which I noted hadn’t been fixed since our last visit, and I was taken aback when Alex made a grab for my waist before slamming his lips hard and sloppily against my own.

“Don’t listen to a word she says” He whispered hastily against my mouth. “She’s still too young to understand that we have to move on and that I have; in California, with you”.

There were a dozen things running through my head which would’ve been perfect to say, but the connection from my brain to my voice box was missing, presumed dead. “Al…” I stuttered, to no avail.

“Please don’t think for a second, that I would be anywhere that you aren’t…or that I would want to be. This was my home, a long time ago, but it’s not anymore. It’s with you now; don’t let her tell you otherwise”

’I’m more worried that she’s gonna drive us into oncoming traffic or throw me in the damn harbour’ . I thought, as he pulled himself from me and hopped back up onto the nearest stool.

“I’ll drop by the store around 6.30 and we’ll go from there” He enthused loudly, as if to prove a point. “See if you can’t lose your shitty attitude at the bottom of you mocha-choca-latte-chino, Som”

&&

Although Alex’s words had stayed with me throughout the entire awkward car journey, Sommer’s were now on a loop, playing much louder and more dominantly in my mind. The Alex that she spoke of as we had driven down the interstate was the Alex that I had first met; the cocky guy who seemed to have all of the girls, all of the time. While the words she had used when describing me had made me out to be a temporary, disposable and momentary presence in her and more importantly, her brother’s life. At no point had I even questioned Alex and his loyalty, his commitment to me and us; I had always just assumed it and dedicated my time to worrying about myself and the likelihood of me running out on our relationship. But now, it was all I could think about. What if I was wasting my time? What if this was Lady Karma coming to bite me in the ass? I’d worried to the point of unwrapping all of the brown paper from my parcel, at lunch. It was just a box now; akin to Pandora’s and inside my backpack.

“Verity”

“Uh-huh” I mumbled, looking up from my stock check list to see the store’s owner, ‘Red’ grinning at me.

“You’re good with all this, ‘new’ music, I take it?” He asked, spitting the word new out as though it were offensive.

I chuckled softly and eyed the girl to his left; multiple piercings, striped hair, raccoon make-up and a slightly unnerving glare. “If ye mean anythin’ released in the last decade, I could be ye girl”

“Help this…lady, out, would you? She just gave me a demonstration of the band her and her friend are looking for…” he paused, before leaning across the counter and lowering his voice. “I have no fucking idea and I’m in two minds to call a damn priest for an exorcism or some…”

“Oookay” I interrupted enthusiastically, tossing my stock list down next to the register and giving the girl a nod. “Come with me and I’ll see what I can do for ye”

“That guys such a douche!” I heard the identical - but blonde, friend pipe up as we ducked around the corner.

“Yeah, total fucking…”

“From the looks of ye I assume ye like…how should I put it…weak, metal? Ye’d happily wear a Cannibal Corpse shirt with the armholes dropped and ye’d even go so far as to say ye like Suicide Silence – although really you only swoon over the front man, ye’ve never actually heard them” I sighed, “In reality ye iPod’s full of Panic at the Disco an’ fucking Simple Plan. Ye still think ye gonna marry a rock star if ye shirt’s tight enough at the show. And ye still have to wait until ye out of ye parent’s house to apply all that make-up. Is any of this right?”

The two of them were completely motionless. Their eyes wide and their mouths hanging open like chastised children. “The silence speaks the truth and the truth rings loud, ladies. Now stop callin’ my friend an’ colleague a douche and tell me what ye looking for”

“B…B...ring Me The Hori…” The blonde stammered, coughing a little; cutting the name short.

“Bring Me The ‘orizon” I repeated. The combination of words falling from my mouth easier and smoother than I’d expected.

“Yeah” The other chirped, “Y’know….I'll steal the diamonds from your eyes, I'll turn your promises into...”

“Okay yeah, ‘s no need for ye to do that” I interrupted, trying and failing to ignore the twisting of my stomach. “Ye don’t need to sing that song, ye…”

“You’ve heard them, then?” She asked inquisitively, the corners of her lips pulling her face into a bright smile. “They’re amazing! We just love them and my God! That guy, the singer, Oli…” She gushed, “He’s just so hot! They’re playing Warped Tour this summer and I’ve heard he and his girlfriend just split up! Like they’ve been dating since the very beginning so I guess he’d be up for experimenting with some new…”

“Chels!” Her friend exclaimed, brushing her long blonde bang from where it had become glued to her eyelashes heaped with mascara. “Did you not just fucking hear what this bitch said! About dumb girls thinking they’re gonna marry rockstars if they put it out there at shows?! She doesn’t like it, dude. So shut the fuck up, we need her to help us find…”

“She doesn’t like bein’ called a ‘bitch’ neither” I interjected when I saw the chance; my cheeks blushed with a mixture of anger and embarrassment. “The metal sections on ye right, ye should find ‘em under ‘B’”

I could instantly feel tears collecting in the very corners of my eyes and by the time I’d reached the counter and Red, I could see nothing but a blur of his day-glo hair.

“You okay, Verity?” He asked, confirming that I looked as bad as I felt.

“’s it ok if I jus’ take five minutes, bathroom break or…”

“There’s a hipflask taped under my desk for occasions just like this. Take as long as you need. Aside from Dumb and fucking Dumber over there, it’s just me and you”

I nodded in response; unable to form any sentences resembling thanks or gratitude and made my way to the office out back; where Red’s flask – and more importantly, my backpack, were. Sommer’s words had me questioning Alex and I perhaps unnecessarily, while the girls in the store now stupidly had me considering myself and Oliver. I would or could give Alex the opportunity to explain later but right now, Jake’s parcel – the parcel that Sam was so reluctant to give me on seconds thought, contained things of Oliver’s. Could these be answers?

The shaking had originally started in my knees as I’d walked away from the girls however now; I was shaking uncontrollably from head to toe; unable to determine whether it was from fear or pure adrenaline. Nonetheless, while my vision seemed blurred, I was clear in what I was doing

I collapsed heavily into Red’s lounge chair; my rucksack clutched in one hand while my other fumbled under the desk for the flask. My fingers quickly found cold, brushed metal and I yanked the flask from its tape confines in one swift pull before throwing it onto the desk with a thud. The parcel itself was light in my hands but the weight of what was inside remained unseen and untouched. The box weighed barely a couple of pounds but learning of its contents could feel like a ten tonne weight dropped from a great height.

I ran the fingertips of my right hand over the surface of the shiny white box as I brought the flask to my lips with my left. My fingers stopped dead at its damaged corner as the strong bourbon hit the back of my throat, only resuming their movement as I felt the familiar heat make its way down. Red wasn’t to know that I wasn’t really meant to drink – and I wouldn’t be the one to tell him.

Although I was still sucking in air, it didn’t feel like I was breathing. As I carefully unfolded the flaps of the box, I could feel my chest getting tighter and tighter, my pulse getting faster and faster. What would Jake have of Oliver’s to send and why, in God’s name, would he send it to me now?

“Ye can do it” I whispered softly, placing one hand across my face and peeking through the gaps between my fingers. “Ye’ll never know if ye don’t…”

“Verity!”

I jumped a mile at the loud knock on the door; toppling the hipflask over and watching in horror as the dark amber liquid soaked through the stack of official looking papers in the centre of the desk.

“Shit! Shit! Sh…”

“I uh, Alex is here” Red shouted through the door, “ I called him, you looked upset and I uh. You can have the rest of the afternoon off, paid. Uh, yeah, he’s out here for you”

“Shit!” I exclaimed, as I snatched the half-opened box into my hands and my thumb pressed through the damp cardboard button. “Fuck! Shit! Goddamn! Fu…”

“Are you okay, Vee?” Alex asked, his voice close and thick with concern. “You sound like you’re um…”

“I jus’…I stubbed my toe Al. Ye know ‘ow clumsy I am, an’ I’m wearing flip-flops ‘n all, I…” I definitely wasn’t breathing now. “Give me a minute, ‘ll ‘jus grab my stuff. Ye can meet me outside if ye…”

“Can I just come in, Verity?” He asked, “Dude, do you mind if I…”

The soft clunk of the box hitting the bottom of the metal garbage can was in unison with Red’s ‘no problem’ and I rose as calmly as I could from the chair, as the silhouette of Alex against the bright store backdrop appeared in the doorway.

“Are you okay? “ He asked simply, squinting into the office as the smell of bourbon caught in his nostrils. “Have you been drin…”

“I stubbed my toe on ye stash next to the copier” I interrupted, throwing Red a look – ‘the’ look, as I placed my backpack on my shoulder. “’m sorry. I’ll replace it for ye tomorrow”

He nodded in acknowledgement and gave Alex a pat on the arm.

“I didn’t mean to worry you, buddy. She just seemed a little put out after a couple of tough customers gave her a hard time” He explained, “And you did say to call if…”

“You said she can go early, tonight?” Alex almost screamed, grabbing ahold of my hand before I had a chance to object. “Like now, early? Red?”

“I did” He replied, a smirk spreading across his lips as he noticed my hand trying to wrestle its way from Alex’s.

“Al, will ye…”

“He’s only looking out for you, girlie” He said, directly at me; his blue eyes youthful but wrinkled with age at the edges. “So don’t you go out of here whining at him for asking me to call if anything happened, okay? You’re in a new city, a strange city and the kid loves you. If Alex, here, wants you around for a long time – like I think he does, he’d be a fool not to protect you and if you think otherwise, you’re a goddamn fool too”

“’m a grown woman, I don’t need a man to…”

“Cut the feminist crap, the kids being chivalrous! He’s going the wrong way about it, maybe, but his hearts in the right place. Look, Alex, take her out for a nice dinner tonight” He paused, pointing his finger against Alex’s chest. “Some place fancy, with something expensive on the menu that you won’t buy but it’s nice to know that it’s there, y’know some place you can wear a nice dress. Not you, her”

I chuckled loudly and rested my head gently on Alex’s shoulder, feeling my cheeks flush pink as Red shared that I, would be in charge of arranging something tasty for dessert.

“Uhm, we actually ‘ave plans t’ go to Alex’s Aunt’s tonight” I smiled small, giving his hand a slight squeeze. “’s Uncle Chuck’s got a new grill ‘e wants to show off and I believe, Alex here would like to show off me, to his…large, family”

“Yeah, it’s not exactly the place to wear a dress; I mean I think we’ll just go as we are and to be honest, I’ll warn you now that the new grill may be more of a hit than you are, Verity. But yeah, I’ll have to take her out some place fancy another time. Although dessert might be…Verity, dessert, do you think…” I ignored Alex’s nudging of his nose against my face and swiveled the pair of us around to face the door.

“I’ll see ye tomorrow, Red. 9am, again?”

“The two of you are a bunch of fools, but happy, right?”

“Right” Alex mumbled into my neck, where his head had fallen.

”The bitch is dating Alex Gaskarth?!’ I noted, along with a flash of blonde in my periphery.

Alex Gaskarth is dating a bitch, I thought. Praying that the garbage be empty in the morning

.