You Mustn't Give Your Heart To A Wild Thing

My entire body jerked suddenly as my forehead collided with the window and my eyes burst open before I'd even really realised they had closed. "I'm glad someone finds it funny" I grumbled, rubbing at my temple and shifting awkwardly in my seat as Samantha chuckled beside me.

"Believe me bro, tonight...this morning, whatever" she sighed, drumming her fingers against the steering wheel and keeping her eyes fixed on the highway ahead. "is; and has been, anything but funny"

I felt a little guilty as my eyes began to roll, and I physically clamped my hands over my mouth to keep from protesting. She wasn't my 'in case of emergency' person and hell, right now I'd say she was barely even my friend. But at three thirty on a sweltering Thursday morning she had driven across town and footed my bail. At three thirty on a sweltering Thursday morning she had been the one person to answer my call.

"I'm sorry. I never thought ye'd answer, I didn't expect ye to...Thank You" A small smile crept from either corner of her mouth; spreading slowly across her lips before flickering briefly up into her blue eyes and she nodded her head in appreciation. "Really, Thank You. I don't know what I would've done if ye weren't..."

"The sorting your life out things going real well I see" she interupted dryly, cutting me short. "I really like that you took heed at my advice and..."

"It's not easy Samantha" I retorted defensively, my arms folding and lips pouting childishly within an instant. Another amused chuckle escaped her lips and I caught the brief roll of her eyes from the corner of my own. "It's taken me two years to get into this mess, I'm hardly gonna be able to get out of it overnight"

"I'm not saying that you can bro, or even that you should. If it were that easy to fix you'd learn nothing" she replied cooly, "and you'd no doubt be tempted again. I was merely pointing out that going out and getting busted by your 'friendly neighbourhood cop' Dallas, wasn't the best start"

I couldn't help but mumble obscenities under my breath at the mention of his name and I could sense Sams new reluctance to persue; her knuckles grew white in response to her obscenly tight grip on the steering wheel and I swore I heard a little squeak of panic.

"It's part of his job, he'd have to be good at it" she smiled awkwardly, flicking her bangs from her face with a jerk of her head. "You shouldn't beat yourself up about the fact he played you. You weren't to know that he was..."

"Jesse never trusted him, always used to tell me he was...well he had him pegged as a push over" A sudden, soft giggle escaped my chapped lips and I collapsed heavily back into my seat. Closing my eyes as the back of my head met the headrest and taking a long, deep breath of the sticky morning air as it began slipping through the small slither of open window. "Kinda funny aye"

Samantha sighed loudly to my right and even with my eyes closed I knew she was looking at me. The engine shuddered to a halt and the music that had been playing softly in the background, all but vanished. "None of this is funny Verity Ann"

The suprise at her using my full name forced my eyes open and my body to jolt upright. I felt every muscle in my body tense and I could do nothing but hold my breath as she continued. The audacity the she had; seemingly about to lecture me, was teasing a smirk onto my lips, but one look at her face told me I'd be walking home if it appeared, full, for even a second. "The last thing any of this is, is funny. How do you not get that bro?"

My shoulders had shrugged before I could stop them and the look of disdain on her face made me wilt back against the scratchy interior of her Honda. "I've just picked you up from LA County dude, at four freakin' AM on a Thursday! Even Lohan keeps it to the weekends now"

My chuckle was ill advised; or so the stern roll of her eyes told me.

"I'm all for 'work hard, party hard' bro, but you're not holding up the work end of the bargain. Instead of taking advantage of that scholarship you got; that scholarship I know you worked freakin' hard for, you've wasted two years hanging out and on Paul Castellano" a knowing grin flashed briefly across her small, pouted lips, as she caught the widening of my eyes. "I knew when to stop partying as hard. I grew up"

I had unclipped my seatbelt and pulled myself from the passenger seat just a second or two after Sams words had left the safety of her mouth and forced their way into my ears. I was oblivious to the traffic around us, I was completely dumb to the fact that we hadn't pulled over anywhere in particular. The early morning sun blinded me momentarily; ghosting bright reds and deep purples across my vision, as I stumbled to my feet and around to the back of the car.

Samantha wasn't to know my hatred of being told to 'grow up' and to be honest, she hadn't even said it; in so many words anyway. She wasn't to know of the ten dozen times Oliver and I had screamed it in one anothers face during our break up, and she certainly wasn't to know all of the things I had been through that, in my eyes, had done nothing but force me to grow up; whether I was ready to or not.

My face was warming rapidly from the sunshine and I could almost feel my childhood freckles re-appearing; scattering lightly across my nose and speckling my shoulders, as I struggled to pinpoint the last time I had been awake at such a time. Witnessed such a sunrise; without it being part of my dazed walk home or my walk of shame from across town, at least.

"You really shouldn't walk around out here bro" I drug my eyes from the sky and noticed Samantha leaning against the trunk a little to my left. Her arms folded lightly over her sundress, her lips curling into a clumsy smile. "I'm not really meant to pull over on the..."

"Don't tell me to grow up" I exclaimed, "Don't fucking tell me to grow up! What gives ye the right, what makes ye think it's okay to..."

"I didn't mean it, how you took it" she mumbled, "Well, I did, a little. I could've... I guess...worded it better"

"I'm a tetchy person" I remarked, clicking my tongue against my teeth "I'm sure that's another thing ye know about me"

She looked embarassed for the briefest of moments, before shaking her head in response. "I've heard things about ye Verity, I don't know things about you"

"You're..." I groaned, rolling my eyes and letting my arms hang loose at my sides. "Ye so not the person I should be taking this out on"

"You're, not the person I expected you to be" Samantha stated, twirling her strand of bright blonde hair around her index finger. "Don't look so worried. I just had visions of, well...not, you"

I peered at her through rapidly narrowing eyes, my hands twitching at my sides, and she shook her head once again. "not...this. It's not a bad thing Verity Ann. I'd just, I never thought you'd be so forthcoming, it takes a lot to admit mistakes, it takes a strong person to..."

"As ye said. Ye've picked me up from LA County at four in the morning, I'd be an idiot to try and deny them"

She shrugged her shoulders in silent reply and threw a gaze back toward her car, jingling her keys in her hand. "We should probably get going, I really shouldn't have pulled over here and you, reaaaally shouldn't get arrested again"

I smiled weakly and follwed her lead back to the car, moving slowly around to the passenger side. "August Sixth, the day Verity Ann Palmer smashed the FIDM record for number of arrests in a single day"

A short, abrupt, cough caught in my throat as the 'August' and 'Seventh' ping ponged around in my brain, and she stopped waving her arms above her head in mock congratulation; letting them fall heavily to her sides. "You okay?" she asked, her brow furrowing in concern as I clasped my balled fist to my chest and rested my free hand against the roof of the car, as to steady myself "Verity Ann are..."

The heat that had been lightly tickling at my skin now felt unbearable; weighing heavily on my chest with each breath of stale air, and the suns rays were beating down relentlessly on the top of my head. "August Sixth two thousand and five"

"It's oh seven bro" Samantha smirked uneasily, "Hell, you must've been drunk last..."

"August Sixth two thousand and five" I repeated breathlessly, " It's been two years and I've still not managed my new start. Two years and I'm still in love with Oliver Sykes"

&&

The sweet, sickly smell of maple syrup tickled at my nostrils the instant I stumbled into the diner, and I was a little taken aback by the sudden blast of air conditioning that spread goose pimples across my freckled shoulders. "Table for one?"

I turned to see a pretty raven haired girl staring up at me, a chewed pencil lolling from the corner of her mouth whilst her right hand dug in the front pocket of her apron for her notepad. "Two" I corrected, pulling my sunglasses from my face and placing them atop my head. "If ye can? My friends joining me"

She smiled brightly and grabbed two menus from the stack at her side "Follow me"

I did as I was told and followed as she weaved expertly between the tables; an appreciative smile creasing across my lips as she led me toward the booth in the corner. I had felt over a dozen pairs of eyes watching my every move the instant I'd stepped through the door. I felt that last nights stained, high waisted, acid-wash jeans and rapidly appearing purple bruises on wrists; from overly eager hands and overly tight handcuffs, was not the norm in 'Dukes'. In this decade at least.

"Can I fetch you a drink while you wait?" she asked as I slid across the squeaky polyvinyl bench "The milkshakes are killer, not that I'm biased or..."

"D'ye have Strawberry?"

"We sure do" I nodded in answer; a little amused as she scribbled my one item down on her notepad, and placed her pencil back in the corner of her mouth. "Give me a shout when your friend arrives and I'll be right back with your shake"

I smiled small as she bustled away, and shrugged my purse from my shoulder; fishing my blueberry chapstick from it's hidden pocket and tracing it softly over my swollen lips, before smacking them together and savouring the lingering taste.

Blueberries reminded me of home, Jake had always raved that Blueberry muffins 'dicked' on their chocolate equivalent. Blueberries reminded me of Oliver, he'd claimed he'd argue otherwise to the death.

"Remind me never to park in West Hollywood again"

I drug my eyes up to see Samantha collapsing into the seat opposite, her hair tugged into a messy ponytail and her distaste at road rage still dancing in her blueblue eyes. "It were so bad you needed to tame the hair aye?"

She shot me a look and slid her menu toward her, wincing a little as it caught on the sticky surface of the table. "Nice place you picked here Palmer, reaaaal..."

"Did ye want me to hurl in the civic?" I shot back, letting my eyes briefly scan the menu. "I'm beyond hungry Sam. If ye weren't aware, the big house isn't know for it's five star cuisine"

"You were in a cell for a little over an hour bro, that was not the 'big house'" Sam argued, tapping her fingernails lightly on the tabletop as she surveyed the laminated sheet before her.

I sighed loudly, dropping my menu from between my fingers and glancing around for our waitress. I caught her eye as she seated a couple at the round table to our left and she mouthed a silent 'one moment' before heading back to the counter to fetch my milkshake.

When she returned, our order read like a 'naughty' list at a weight watchers meeting and I felt my mouth salivating as every dish was sang, enthusiastically, by Samantha and I. Sam had promised to foot the bill for breakfast, if I promised her my sobriety that evening.

I had let slip my subsequent eviction; whilst trying desperately to avoid the 'Who's Oliver?" question, and she, had subsequently informed me that her roommate, Brooke, was moving out this coming weekend. I was set to meet her landlord that evening at five.

At five pm on August Seventh, two thousand and seven, I would be getting my new start.

"So, will this Oliver guy be coming over?" Sam asked as she was carefully slicing her stack of chocolate chip muffins into quarters. "because the walls are paper thin bro, and I'm really not one for..." She stopped the instant my fork slipped; with a loud clang, from between my fingers, to my plate. "Fuck. I knew there was a reason you avoided the question when I asked, why the fuck did I even just..."

"Ye don't have to worry about him coming over" I mumbled slowly, retrieving my fork and shoving a sizeable piece of Spanish omlette into my mouth. "ever"

She nodded slowly and I swore I heard her gulp as I began sawing at my omlette; a little too enthusiastically for a pile of soft egg, and felt the blush creeping gradually up either side of my neck. "Even if he wanted to, he's back home in Sheffield. He's thousands of miles
away and the plane tickets cost a..." I stopped abruptly and let my fork fall once again.

Why was I doing this? And more importantly, who was I trying to kid?! I knew full well Oliver never wanted to speak to me again; he had told me as much, it wouldn't matter if I lived next door or on the next continent, ten minutes or ten hours, a mile or a couple of thousand, away. Oliver would still refuse to see me and I'm pretty sure he'd rip his own voice box from his very own throat if it would save him from having to talk to me.

"...they cost a bomb"

Sam watched me intently as I set my fork next to my knife and wilted deeper into the bench seat; my eyes flickering over the piles of uneaten food before me, my expression souring as my stomach retched uncomfortably.

A huge stack of pancakes, dripping; sodden with maple syrup, sat to my left and a steaming bowl of spring onion mashed potato was to my direct right. I had managed to eat a third of my Spanish omlette; after picking out the green peppers I couldn't stand, and was a little over halfway through my shake. "Can you excuse me for a moment?"

Sam nodded wordlessly, and I was up on my feet and halfway toward the bathroom; moving at a speed that shouldn't have been possible following the night before, before her mouth had even curled into the shape of an 'okay'.

I made it to the cubicle just in time and the small amount I had managed to eat was now floating in the toilet bowl, whilst I crouched at it's side trying to keep myself from passing out. Sweat dripped from my crumpled brow and a shudder ran the length of my spine as I dry heaved once again.

I cursed the people who claimed to be 'love sick' so carelessly, I had come to understand the term 'sick with guilt' one hundred and ten percent.

I was shaking uncontrollably from head to toe but I still noticed the sudden vibration in my back pocket. I fished my phone out awkwardly with my right hand, whilst my left tugged at some toilet tissue to mop my mouth.

"Hello?"

The shallow breathing at the other end made my heart race, the dial tone; but a second later, said all the things I knew he daren't.