If I Only Had the Heart

Epilogue

One year later

“When’s the flight get in?” Squire asked her.

“Noon, but who knows when they’ll get here.”

“Shouldn’t you be heading to the airport soon? It’s almost noon.”

She nodded, shaking out her blonde hair from its previous position of a ponytail. Her hair was getting long. “Probably, but I’m having a hard time getting going. Yell at me.”

“Get your ass out of here and get to the airport!” he yelled.

She chuckled and shrugged. “Not the same effect when I told you to do it.” She stood and lightly hit the producer’s shoulder. She threw a smirk over her shoulder as she walked away from him. “I don’t know why you hired me. I’m such a cold bitch to you sometimes.”

“You know cold bitch is the only way I roll!” he yelled after her as she walked out the door.

It had been a little less than a year since she started to officially work for Squire full time (or at least as full time as a producer’s assistant could get.) She loved every minute of it; she loved all the bands she was meeting, she loved the experience she was getting, and she loved the random trips out to the east coast she got to make with him when he needed to record something in the Big Apple.

As she made her way to her trusty Jeep, she threw her long hair back up in to a ponytail. It was bugging her; long hair obviously wasn’t her thing. But, other people liked it so she figured it had to look kind of good.

She climbed in the Jeep and took off, changing the radio over to the CD player as she went. She flipped through the tracks on the mixed CD that was made for her and finally stopped on lucky number seven. It was from Paramore’s new CD, brand new eyes which she enjoyed a tremendous amount. “Honestly can you believe we crossed the world while it’s asleep? I’ll never trade it in ‘cause I always wanted it and it’s not a dream anymore, whoa, it’s not a dream anymore. It’s worth fighting for,” she sang along loud and proud as she hit the highway.

She flew towards her destination, happy and excited and nervous and a million other emotions, all at once. As she drove, she thought about the past year. One year ago, she had met All Time Low and everyone that came with it. One year ago, Kylie was slightly more naïve than she was now, or at least she liked to think. She was a year older and with age came wisdom, or at least that’s what everyone kept telling her. She had experienced a hell of a lot in a year, whether it was heartbreak and all the confusion and mess that came with that or the experience she had gained throughout this year. Granted, not everything that had happened in the past twelve months had been a good thing but she had learned a hell of a lot; that one thing was for sure.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, Kylie was pulling into the parking garage at LAX. She parked her Jeep and took her time getting into the airport. She was going to be cool, calm, and collected.

She was standing by baggage claim G where the people she was waiting for would meet her. As she looked around the airport terminal, she realized she had seen way too much of not only the inside of LAX but other airports in the past twelve months.

She was getting antsy she realized as her foot was tapping the ground at a rapid speed. She tried to stop it, but couldn’t help herself. She decided to stand up and take a walk. As she was headed towards the Starbucks located in the airport, she heard her name. “Kylie!” They were trying to get her attention.

She whipped around and in record timing, she spotted who she was looking for. She smiled and ran towards him. When she was finally close enough, she jumped into his arms at full speed, almost toppling them both to the ground. “I missed you,” she mumbled into his ear.

He laughed, setting her on the ground. He put both hands on the sides of her face and brought her gaze up to his own. He smiled and kissed her, right there in the middle of the airport. It wasn’t a little hello kiss either; it was a full-blown “holy-shit-I’ve-missed-you-it’s-been-too-long-I-love-you” kiss, all wrapped up in one small package.

As she kissed him back, she took in every little detail about him she had missed: his scent, which was a combination of citrus, clean, and woods, something she enjoyed a lot; his hair, which was shorter now, something that irritated her because now she couldn’t rake her hands through it while they made out; his lip ring, which while sometimes potentially dangerous when kissing, was still the sexiest thing ever; and last but not least, his smile which gave her butterflies, made her happy, and made her want to smile too.

“AH-hem,” the singer behind him coughed. “Either get a room, or quit this. You guys are causing a scene,” he joked. His playful smirk showed he couldn’t have cared less if they had sex right there.

“Sorry, Alex. I know you want in on this,” she joked, finally pulling away from Matt and giving her friend a hug.

He laughed. “Yeah, right. Like anything could ever come between you two, anyways.”

She nodded, agreeing, and then they decided it was time to get out of there. After finally figuring out where their bags were, Kylie, Matt, and Alex all ventured out to Kylie’s jeep.

“So where’s everyone else?” she asked when they finally located the vehicle and had climbed in.

“Jack’s coming out in a few days but as for everyone else, I’m honestly not sure. We’re just writing right now though.”

Kylie nodded. As she drove, she turned the music up and let the CD Matt had made her float through the speakers. Now playing was So Beautiful by Dashboard Confessional, one of her favorite Dashboard songs.

Matt smirked at her. “You listen to this on a regular basis, don’t you?”

“The song or the CD?”

“Both.”

She smiled and blushed. “Maybe,” she told him, not wanting to admit the high play count this CD had gotten once she uploaded it to her iTunes.

“You’re a freak,” he laughed, grabbing her hand that was hovering over the gear stick. Then he kissed the top of it. “Hey,” he said, getting her attention. Alex had, by now, put his headphones in and blocked the two of them out.

“What?” she smiled, not looking at him.

“I missed you.”

She nodded. “Ditto, boy. Ditto.”

A lot could change in a year’s time. People could change and grow; they could distance themselves from others or they could grow closer. Luckily, in Kylie and Matt’s case, they had done it all. They had grown close, grown apart, and then grown close again. They had distanced themselves and then realized they couldn’t be without the other.

Maybe they were being naïve when they thought it would actually work out, but they had been together ever since that fateful May day in Seattle and honestly, it had been awhile since Kylie had been as happy as she was with Matt.

As the CD changed tracks, Brand New came through the speakers. ”They’re just jealous ‘cause we’re young and in love,” Kylie sang along, Matt laughing along with her.

“You, my love, are certifiably insane.”

She nodded. “I know, I know. But it’s just one of my many endearing qualities.”

As Kylie drove along the highway, she realized that had she changed her answer that day in May when everything changed, she wouldn’t be where she was right now.

“You know what Kylie? It seems to me that you’ve been more scared when you aren’t with me than when you were.”

“So what are you trying to say, Matt?”

“I’m trying to say, what’s it going to be? Will you try and be my girlfriend again? All I’m asking is to try. I’m not asking for a miracle here, alright? Just… try.”

Kylie breathed. She didn’t know what she wanted right now, but the more she thought about it the more she knew that if she left it would be the biggest mistake of her life.

“Look, I don’t know if I’m going to make the right decision in the next few minutes here, but I guess that’s life,” she said, throwing her hands up in the air. The rain was coming down harder now. She wondered if maybe that was a sign that she should turn and run. But she refused to do so again; she wasn’t going to run away this time. It was now or never.

“So what’s it going to be, Ky?”

“Yes,” she said to him. “I can’t leave you, Matt. No matter how much shit you put me through and how crazy you make me some times, I cannot for the life of me let you go.”

Before she could go on further, Matt picked her up and kissed her, hard and fast, in the rain.

A shiver ran up her spine just thinking about the kiss they shared that night. “You okay?” Matt asked her.

She smiled and nodded. “More than okay,” she responded.

Maybe Matt and Kylie didn’t have a perfect relationship. Maybe everything was screwed up and they weren’t the best example out there. But, they loved each other and that was enough. Maybe it wasn’t always going to be enough, but for now it was all they needed; to be loved, to care for each other, and to not be able to think of a day in their life without the other.