If I Only Had the Heart

Kylie wasn’t the type to drink herself silly because she was the worst hung over person ever. She tried to keep herself in check when she was drinking, and it usually worked. Last night was an exception though. She woke up and rolled off of the bed, falling to the ground with a loud thump.

“Ow,” she moaned, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She sat up and looked around, not quite sure where she was. When she heard Spanish coming from the hallway she freaked out. She jumped up and ran over to the door, opening it slowly.

When the blonde looked out, it all came back. She wasn’t in Mexico like the Spanish words had suggested; those were just the conversations between the house-keepers of the hotel. She was in New Jersey, helping Bandeth produce All Time Low’s CD.

She frowned. All Time Low. Matt. “Shit,” she mumbled, slowly remembering the party last night. She groaned and slowly walked back into her room. She remembered someone bringing her back last night. She couldn’t remember who, but it was probably Jack. He was the one looking out for her last night. She decided she would go pay a visit to the lanky guitarist.

She got in the shower and cleaned off the feeling of the party the night before, and then got dressed in a comfy outfit, threw on her beanie to cover up her damp hair, and then walked out of her hotel.

While she drove to where the boys were staying while they recorded in Jersey, Kylie decided to call Squire. It rang three times before he picked up. “Hello?”

“Hey bitchface, what are you up to?”

The producer laughed. “You seem chipper. What happened? Did you kill Matt?”

She rolled her eyes. “No, not yet.”

“Well that’s good. How’s the recording coming?”

The two talked for a little bit about All Time Low, and then Squire told her he had to get going. “Don’t worry about Matt. Thing’s will work themselves out soon enough. Okay?”

Kylie shrugged. “Whatever, I just want out of here. I really hate having to act civil towards him because of Bandeth. If it were you, I could yell and shit and it wouldn’t matter.”

Squire laughed. “Maybe, but Dave’s pretty chill isn’t he?”

“Yeah, but I want to make a good impression. So no throwing things at Matt.”

“I guess you’re right,” Squire laughed. “You’ll be fine. Call me if you need anything.”

Kylie nodded and said goodbye, then hung up just as she was pulling into the place of residence of All Time Low for their stay in Jersey. She got out of the Jeep while she dialed Jack’s number. “Yeah,” he said, sounding distracted.

“Come to the front door.”

“Why?”

Kylie rolled her eyes. “Because a serial killer is standing there and he’s asking for you.”

Jack giggled. While she waited at the front door, she could hear the sounds of someone running towards her. Soon the door whipped open. Jack stood there with an excited expression on his face. “You better be a goddamn serial killer or I will be pissed.”

Kylie laughed. “Sorry Jacko, just regular old me.”

He grabbed her arm and dragged her in the house, pulling her towards the kitchen. “What the hell’s the hurry Jacko?”

He shushed her. “You do realized Matt’s staying here with us right?”

She shrugged. “I mean, I assumed as much.”

Jack’s face lit up. “You guys got it on last night and are back together?” he screeched. Kylie smacked him on the arm.

“Shut up,” she hissed, trying to quiet the insane twenty year old. “No, we did not get it on and no we are not back together.”

Puzzled, Jack said “Well then why are you here?”

She shrugged. “Just wanted to say thanks for last night.”

“No problem. You needed a little loosen up time.”

Rolling her eyes, Kylie shook her head. “I didn’t mean the pushing me to drink part. I meant the bringing me back to my room part.”

For a few minutes, Jack just looked at her. “Huh?” he said finally, having no clue what she was talking about.

“You took me back to my hotel right?”

Jac k laughed. “No, the last I saw you, you came running over to me, smashed, and you hugged me. Then I told you to slow down on the booze, but you said no, more or less, and then went and got some more drinks.”

Kylie was confused now. “Where’s Alex?”

Jack shrugged, so the blonde left him in search of the singer. He was the only other option really, because she remembered playing strip poker with him and him telling her to slow down. “Alex?” she yelled, searching the house.

“Out here!” he called back, standing out on the deck with Matt. They were talking in hushed tones with serious expressions on when Kylie got to them.

“Oh,” she said, feeling awkward being near Matt. “Uh, Alex, I just had a question. Unless you’re busy…?” she trailed off in a question.

He shook his head. “Nope, what’s up buttercup?”

“Uh,” she said, sneaking a nervous glance at Matt. “Did you take me home last night?”

Alex laughed. “No, why? Don’t remember anything?”

She smirked. “Not really.”

Alex laughed. “Lightweight. But no, I didn’t. I don’t even know what you’re room number is, so I couldn’t have taken you home if I wanted.”

Kylie nodded. He was right, but now she was at a loss for who did take her home.
Matt coughed, breaking the silence. He gave Alex a look, one that told him to leave, and then spoke up. “I took you home, Ky.”

Raising her eyebrows, she said, “You?”

He nodded. “Yeah; you were completely shitfaced, and so was everyone else. You were ready to pass out on the couch and since I’m the only one who knows what room you’re staying in, I figured it was the least I can do.”

She shook her head and said, “You shouldn’t have done that Matt.”

Matt was confused. He figured she’d be grateful that he did something nice for her, and instead she seemed mad. “What? I shouldn’t help you? Why?”

Shocked was the only way to describe her expression. “Why? You seriously have to ask that? Well, asshole, you lost the right to do certain things when you screwed me and left the next morning. Taking me back to my hotel and sleeping in my bed with me would be one of those things,” she hissed, the anger mounting.

“Stop it, Kylie. I was helping you out. It had nothing to do with me leaving you or anything like that. I brought you home and stayed because you asked me to. Simple as that.”

“God Matt, do you not get it? Just because I asked you to stay doesn’t mean you should have. You should have hightailed it out of there and left me alone.” Her smirk she threw in his direction was evil. “Not like you’re not used to leaving people.”

“You want to yell at me for leaving? Fine, do it. Just stop holding a grudge against me.”

That was the last straw; that was all it took for Kylie to completely lose it. “Hold a grudge? HOLD A GRUDGE?” she yelled, getting closer to the tour manager. “Of course I’m going to hold a fucking grudge! You’ll be lucky if I don’t hate you forever for what you did, you asshole!” She took a deep breath, trying to hold back the tears that were burning her eyes as she continued. “You lied to me. You didn’t love me. You used me and you betrayed me. Quite honestly Matt, if I never have to see you again it would be a good day. Because every time I see you, it hurts. I figured after a little while, it’d get easier.” She paused to breathe and to try and calm the tears falling full force down her face. “Well guess what? It hasn’t gotten any easier.”

She turned on her heal to leave, but Matt stopped her. He grabbed her elbow forcefully enough to make her stop walking, but gentle enough so he didn’t hurt her. “Kylie, I never lied to you. I promise.”

She laughed and threw her head back. “Oh, that’s rich. You didn’t lie? Newsflash Matt; everyone lies. Whether you’re the good guy who lied to win my heart or the bad guy who lied to get into my bed, you lied.” She glared at him, “No matter what spin you want to put on it, you lied. You never planned on telling me when you were leaving, and you never loved me. It was a bunch of lies from day one.”

“That’s not true,” he told her, having this protective feeling in his gut that made him want to say anything to get her to stop crying.

“Yes it is!” she yelled, stomping her foot to emphasize each word. “You don’t have sex with someone, tell them you love them, and then just leave. That’s an asshole move, Matt. You can’t just do that kind of stuff. I let you in, one hundred percent,” she cried, bawling her eyes out. “I let you in, told you stuff only someone like Jordan knows. I gave you my heart, and in return you smashed it up and ran.”

“Ky, just let me explain. Give me five minutes to—”

She cut him off. “No. I don’t need your excuses. I’m done, Matt. I’ll finish up with these songs with Bendeth but after that, I’m out. I’m done.” She turned to leave again, only stopping at the sliding glass door. She glanced over her shoulder and said, “I just don’t understand why you couldn’t see us being together. Because I sure could.” With that, she walked out, running past the guys and hopping in her car. She drove away, only stopping when she was five minutes away so she could cry.

She cried for having finally gotten everything off her chest. She cried for yet another failed attempt at a relationship. She cried for being such a fool and she cried for falling in love with him. With a shaky hand, she got out her cell phone and dialed the one person who could help her.

“Hey chica,” Jordan answered sunnily.

“Jordan?” Kylie sniffled. “I need to see you.”