My Fallen Angel

The rusty gate, worn from years of harsh weather and use, creaked loudly as I walked into the old cemetery of Edinburgh. The evening sky was completely gray and looked as though at any moment, it would open up and let its tears fall. If only, to drown out the only pinch of feeling that I had left in my heart. The rest had been given away by an unstoppable force.

Sunday has come again.

As I walked through the all-too-familiar grounds, I kept my eyes to the ground. I scanned the different tombstones with disinterest; I knew them all by heart by now. There was one grave I wanted, only one, and I knew exactly where it was, what it said, and why it was there. I dreamt of March 15th every night, so I remembered good and well exactly what happened.

Jillian walked with a spark in her step along the bridge’s brick side. It was rather late at night, and she and I were just heading home from a walk. We had gotten into another fight that night and our parents forced us out of the house to, as they put it, ‘set aside our differences and apologize’, and they wouldn’t let us in. We probably sat by the door for a good half an hour, but our parents knew we hadn’t done anything but bicker. Finally realizing that just waiting around was useless, we took a 10pm stroll around the old-town neighborhood.

“So you think mum and pa will let us in again?” she asked with a monotonous tone. We still hadn’t made up for the violence that occurred earlier, so we were still bitter towards each other.

“I dunno,” I mumbled, keeping my head down and my hands in my jacket. I could feel her eyes on me, and I looked up to meet them. Her eyes were always bright, no matter how angry she may have been. They were such a bright green, and even though we were twins, I didn’t have that brightness in mine.

“Do you even remember what we were fighting about, Jack?” she asked in complete seriousness. I chuckled, shaking my head.

“No, I don’t. Does it even matter?”

“’Spose not, bub,” she replied with a smile.

Kneeling in front of her grave, I gently laid the single red rose down next to the other dead ones from previous weeks. With a shudder, I bowed my head in sorrow. I felt as though a bullet could rip through my heart and in the agonizing pain just before my death, all I would feel is happiness. I would only feel pure happiness that I could see her again, happiness that I would be with her again. I ran my fingers over the freshly carved letters.

Jillian Lynn McGregor
August 2nd, 1994 – March 16th, 2009
Loving sister and daughter.

Tears were forming in my eyes and my nose was beginning to run. I sniffed. The memory played like an unwanted movie in my mind.

I’ll admit, I already felt a little better. No matter how irritating and obnoxious my dear twin sister was, I couldn’t bring myself to not laugh at her blunt question. My folks said that she was the ‘good little Catholic girl’, but she wasn’t entirely innocent. She was more like... the ‘oblivious little moron’.

“To be honest, I don’t even really know why we fight in the first place. Well, I do, but I don’t see why mum and pa have to overreact so much. You’re just too annoying,” Jillian said with a smug look. I scoffed.

“You think I’m the annoying one? You’re the one who starts all the damn fights,” I snapped back, and was even more aggravated when all she did in reply was roll her eyes. “You think you’re such an angel.”

“Yeah, I kind of am,” she said, looking down at me.

The tears rolled down my cheeks silently. I couldn’t bring myself to wipe them away; I felt too dead to do much of anything. Like a thief in the night, the wind blew so light. It mixed with my tears, but won’t dry for many years.

“Oh, you little brat,” I said with a mischievous grin. “Don’t make me push you over that damn bridge,” I threatened.

She knew I would never do it.

“Like you could, punk,” she dared, raising her arms in a mocking way.

Everyone knew I would never do it.

I grinned, shooting my arm towards her. She yelped, jumping up in startlement. I laughed, pointing at her.

I loved her.

“Shut up, you idiot! You could have killed me just then!” she shouted, but still couldn’t hide the laughter that threatened to expose her.

She loved me.

“Yeah, right,” I said, rolling my eyes.

Everyone knew we loved eachother.

She furrowed her eyebrows, kicking me in the arm.

Even if we did fight a lot, everyone knew.

“I dare you to do that again,” I threatened playfully.

The tears flowed out of my eyes like a dam that was suddenly broken, and I gasped for air. I didn’t want to make any noise, not while I was here.

Jillian smirked, and with a large amount of force, kicked my arm.

It was my fault...

I was about to yell at her for how much that hurt, before I noticed what was happening.

I am to blame for this.

Her face looked terrified before she screamed and, losing her balance, fall off of the bridge.

I am to blame for everything.

“JILLIAN!” I screamed, jumping onto the ledge. She was there, holding on. “Jillian, don’t let go,” I yelled, the fear grabbing my heart so that I could not breathe.

If it weren’t for me...

One of her hands slipped, and she screamed again.

...she would still be alive.

I grabbed her other hand just as it fell, and she screamed again. I held on with all my strength, and I could see the horror in her eyes, on her face.

It started to rain, just as my sobs escaped my throat.

“Don’t let go,” I grunted, trying to pull her up. She nodded furiously, her eyes still wide with fright and her mouth open.

I leaned on the tombstone, sobbing uncontrollably.

I felt my grip slipping, and with desperation, tried to get a solid hold of her.

“No, no, no!” I yelled, my cries now drowning out the pouring rain.

“Please don’t let go, Jack, please don’t let go...” she begged.

“I’m not going to let go, I promise,” I said through gritted teeth. My knees were the only thing keeping me from falling as well, and it was a struggle just to stay put, let alone pull her up.

“Oh, God, no!” I yelled against the tombstone.

Her left finger slipped from my grasp, and she gave another blood-chilling scream. Why hasn’t anyone heard yet?

“Don’t let go!” she shouted desperately. I saw tears falling down her cheeks, which were pale from the fright. My own tears started to fall.

“Please, God, no!” I screamed, looking up at the skies. “Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!”

One by one, her fingers slipped.

“NO! No, no, no, no, no!”

She fell, screaming on the way down.

“Oh, my God, no!” I was sobbing so hard that I felt my lungs would explode.

And with one deafening halt, I saw her body hit the ground, stopping her screams.