Destroyed by Your Lack of Sympathy
Talk With Gerard
It had been hours since Frank went to find amber, and I knew I had to make things right, while frank was tracking down Amber, I stayed back so I wouldn’t upset her anymore than she already was. I pulled out my phone, searching through caller ID. There, Emily’s number. I pressed send. There was a dial tone, then three rings.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Emily?”
“Yes, oh is this shadow?”
“Mm, I have to call off tomorrow; I… came down with something”
“Shit, well ok, any other place you can meet with me?”
“No Emily, I just can’t do this anymore, its messing up my life, sorry”
I hung up the phone and turned it on silent. I felt a hand on my shoulder, I gasped and jumped. I wanted to keep as quiet as I could.
“Calm down Shadow, it’s just me.” It was Gerard; I switched on the little lamp next to the table. His features were straight and serious, no smile, no frown, no emotion.
“Why are you up so late, and what was that phone call about, where did Frank and Amber go?” He questioned.
“Well, I was fixing what I did, I had to call to cancel plans I should have know not to make, and Frank is going to talk to amber because I’m such an awful fuck.” I broke down, crying on the table. Gerard but his hand on my back and stroked my head.
“Tell me about it, nothing could really shock me.” He said caringly. I shuddered, holding back the sobs as I brought myself to sit up and face him. I sighed, thinking.
“Well, I was kicked out of my house at 16, I had no way to go to work and stay in school and off the streets so I dropped out, got a good paying job, but, I was already in shit, my job didn’t pay for all my expenses. I needed food and water and electricity and clothing and a bed to sleep on, I bought a cell instead of a home phone, and, ever since grade 9 I have been…” I stopped, I couldn’t breathe, there was something holding me back.
“Shadow, there isn’t much you could have been doing. I can figure it out already.”
“Fine, I was doing drugs, me and my school friends were stoners, and kept in touch, we drank smoked whatever we could and did so much. Then I needed a way to make a lot of money, so I did the only thing any desperate teenage girl would do. I whored myself, but I didn’t need to have a kid to pay for, so I stuck to girls, that’s why Amber is so mad. Before she knocked me over, I had met a girl at a salad bar; I had given her a number to call me at. Then when I met amber, I forgot it all. Until Emily called when we went on the walk, Amber heard me plan to cheat on her, I don’t know why I fucking did it, I don’t need to do that shit anymore, so I called to cancel, I don’t want to hurt amber, I love her too much, but I know its too late for that, she probably hates me.” I smacked my head back down onto the table, a soft thud came after I made contact.
“Doesn’t that hurt” Gerard asked. I shook my head no.
“I mean, knowing that your every action hurts some one close to you, pushing them farther and farther away. You can’t keep doing that shit to yourself or you will end up dead or in jail. Or just as bad, you could end up alone” The serious sound was back in his voice. I looked at him, in his empty eyes.
“You can’t see much behind them, that’s what years of alcohol abuse did to me, and I almost killed myself because of it, is that what you want, because I know that I felt so alone then, but now, being sober I know who my friends are, and how much they care for me.” He sighed; I nodded, knowing he was right. He walked back to his bunk and I turned off the light when he had reached his destination.
“Gerard?” I whispered.
“Mhm?”
“Thanks,”
“Mm” he was almost asleep already; I tucked my knees in and hugged them close.
“I just wish I could go back, get rid of what I did and get Amber back,” I whispered.
“Do you mean it? Every word that you said?” said a familiar voice. I looked up.
“Amber…”
“Hello?”
“Hi, Emily?”
“Yes, oh is this shadow?”
“Mm, I have to call off tomorrow; I… came down with something”
“Shit, well ok, any other place you can meet with me?”
“No Emily, I just can’t do this anymore, its messing up my life, sorry”
I hung up the phone and turned it on silent. I felt a hand on my shoulder, I gasped and jumped. I wanted to keep as quiet as I could.
“Calm down Shadow, it’s just me.” It was Gerard; I switched on the little lamp next to the table. His features were straight and serious, no smile, no frown, no emotion.
“Why are you up so late, and what was that phone call about, where did Frank and Amber go?” He questioned.
“Well, I was fixing what I did, I had to call to cancel plans I should have know not to make, and Frank is going to talk to amber because I’m such an awful fuck.” I broke down, crying on the table. Gerard but his hand on my back and stroked my head.
“Tell me about it, nothing could really shock me.” He said caringly. I shuddered, holding back the sobs as I brought myself to sit up and face him. I sighed, thinking.
“Well, I was kicked out of my house at 16, I had no way to go to work and stay in school and off the streets so I dropped out, got a good paying job, but, I was already in shit, my job didn’t pay for all my expenses. I needed food and water and electricity and clothing and a bed to sleep on, I bought a cell instead of a home phone, and, ever since grade 9 I have been…” I stopped, I couldn’t breathe, there was something holding me back.
“Shadow, there isn’t much you could have been doing. I can figure it out already.”
“Fine, I was doing drugs, me and my school friends were stoners, and kept in touch, we drank smoked whatever we could and did so much. Then I needed a way to make a lot of money, so I did the only thing any desperate teenage girl would do. I whored myself, but I didn’t need to have a kid to pay for, so I stuck to girls, that’s why Amber is so mad. Before she knocked me over, I had met a girl at a salad bar; I had given her a number to call me at. Then when I met amber, I forgot it all. Until Emily called when we went on the walk, Amber heard me plan to cheat on her, I don’t know why I fucking did it, I don’t need to do that shit anymore, so I called to cancel, I don’t want to hurt amber, I love her too much, but I know its too late for that, she probably hates me.” I smacked my head back down onto the table, a soft thud came after I made contact.
“Doesn’t that hurt” Gerard asked. I shook my head no.
“I mean, knowing that your every action hurts some one close to you, pushing them farther and farther away. You can’t keep doing that shit to yourself or you will end up dead or in jail. Or just as bad, you could end up alone” The serious sound was back in his voice. I looked at him, in his empty eyes.
“You can’t see much behind them, that’s what years of alcohol abuse did to me, and I almost killed myself because of it, is that what you want, because I know that I felt so alone then, but now, being sober I know who my friends are, and how much they care for me.” He sighed; I nodded, knowing he was right. He walked back to his bunk and I turned off the light when he had reached his destination.
“Gerard?” I whispered.
“Mhm?”
“Thanks,”
“Mm” he was almost asleep already; I tucked my knees in and hugged them close.
“I just wish I could go back, get rid of what I did and get Amber back,” I whispered.
“Do you mean it? Every word that you said?” said a familiar voice. I looked up.
“Amber…”