Destroyed by Your Lack of Sympathy
Can you hear me?
I could hear voices, I tried to move to go see them, the people that love me… the people that used to love me.
“You have to leave?” I heard the once so loving voice of my angel, my Amber. Her voice was so blank, so empty now. Had I done this to her? Of course I did.
“I’m sorry Amber but we have to, we’ll come back as soon as we can ok.” It was Gerard’s voice. I had let dim down, I told him I wouldn’t, but I did. I said I didn’t want to hurt Amber, and I killed her. Why did they have to save me? I’d have been better off dead, we all would. I heard Amber sigh.
“Ok, I’ll see you guys then.” I heard footsteps out the door, but it never shut. I heard Amber talking to someone, Bob. Small memories of the past day and how I was paranoid he was stealing her from me came back. He said some small, flirty words then left. How dare he, he may be 10 times better than I am, but still. I tried to flinch as the door slammed shut.
Amber’s shoes clicked against the floor getting closer towards me, I wanted to sit up and hug her and apologize for doing this to her; but I couldn’t, my body wouldn’t let me.
“Shadow. Why would you try and leave me like this? I love you.” She started to sob, and she held my hand and squeezed it. I tried so hard, just to squeeze back. I couldn’t. My body was too weak. I heard a soft cry, too light to be Amber’s, whose head now lay on my stomach crying. It was my own. I felt something warm and wet, slide down my motionless face. I tried to make her hear my cries, I wanted to tell her I did it to keep myself from hurting her, or holding her back; but I couldn’t.
Her hand was still in mine, I had to make her feel my presence, I was there she had to know it. My ears were wet as tears slid from my closed eyes and into the sheets of the hospital bed. I just wanted to scream, I wanted to do something anything to let her know why. My eyes fluttered half open, and Amber was still sobbing on my stomach.
I lifted my hand weakly and gently let it smooth out her tangled hair and down her back.
“Sh- Shadow?” Her pain struck voice broke out of her sobs and her tear stained face looked into my eyes. I flinched, how could I have hurt someone this beautiful? I had to make it right, but I couldn’t yet.
“I’m sorry. I love you.” I strained. My voice was weak, and quiet.
“How could you do this to me? To all of us?” She hissed.
“I, didn’t, want to hurt you, I made it worse.”
“Fucking right you made things worse.” Her voice was filled with pain.
“I, thought you, would leave, like everyone else”
“I love you shadow, I wouldn’t leave you.”
“It’s just, paranoia, after everyone you ever thought, you loved, left.”
“I-i forgive you Shadow, but you have to promise, you’ll never do this again.”
“I, I wont. I promise”
“You need some rest. I’ll be with you, no matter what.”
She gave me a peck on the lips and sat back down, I closed my eyes, wishing I would have just died, but at the same time, I was happy I didn’t.