Tell Me Why This Hurts So Much

"Zane."
"Hey, Alice..."
Her onyx eyes pierced me, looking for something. They seemed to search my soul.
I felt her cool, pale arms encircle my neck. She pressed herself against me in a cold embrace. I responded, my arms finding their way around her waist.
After moments, I felt my shoulder dampen. I lifted her face. She wiped vigorously at the tears and laughed once humorlessly.
"Alice?"
She turned accordingly, her ebony dress fanning out around her in the air. I looked up to Songhua, the only human being left in the coven. Vivid memories of Tali and Sung Mina being murdered flashed through my mind. I shuddered at remembering.
They embraced. I could hear Songhua murmuring apologies in her ear. Alice pulled away. "It wasn't your fault."
"That doesn't matter," Songhua sighed. "I have to get back to the E.R. now. We'll talk after?"
"Yeah, sure.."
She showed a sympathetic smile to me in which I returned with less enthusiasm than her. She nodded, spun around, and left.
"Now do you see why I don't want you to help them?"
Alice looked to me with daggers in her eyes.
"One hundred forty eight vampires killed within only three days," she seethed, her teeth clenched. "Erik's in the E.R., Shadow's poor body is covered in lacerations, Mina's dead, and Molly's poisoned with a hole in her chest from a stake.
"And after all this, you're still wanting to protect me?" More tears brimmed. "Yes."
She fell into me, sobbing, her suddenly frail body being wracked.
"I don't want you to go. I don't want you to change and get killed by hunters. I don't want you to die, Zane!" she cried, her shaking form pressed against me again. Her hands on my shoulders, she shook me gently. "Why can't you understand? What if I never see you again? I love you, Zane!"
"Alice, I," I hesitated. "I wouldn't die that easily. I have their help. You will see me again, Alice. And I'm scared too, more than you could imagine, and Alice, I love--"
Her lips pressed against mine.
She'd put all her sadness, all her frustration, and all her pain into that kiss. It was so easy to tell.
When she pulled away, she laid her head against my chest, her sobs slowly diminishing. I looked up to the moon, hoping, if not trying my best to find the answers to all our problems in the night sky.
-
Her heartbeat was rhythmic as I listened intently. I carried her sleeping self upstairs. The dress's bow dragging on the floor quietly. Alice sighed and shifted in my arms.
I placed her on the bed and undressed her. Once she was under the sheets and breathing softly, I headed for the door.
I shut it behind me and went down the winding stairs into my room in the giant house where her coven resided.
I opened the door, looking to the left corner of the vacant, dark room. Shadow smiled, his beaming fangs fully exposed.
"Ready?"
"Just one minute," I replied. "Leaving Alice a letter."
"You know she'll just be more upset, right?" I shrugged, turning on the light and beginning to write.

"Alice,

By the time you read this, I'll already be gone, helping protect you and the others. This is what I wanted; please, try to understand.
I want to thank you, Alice, for everything you've given and done for me. I will never be able to repay you.
Just know that, If I don't come back, your love meant more to me than anything else.

Yours In Eternity,
Zane Night."

I left it on the desk, and standing, faced Shadow with confidence. He nodded, starting out first. I followed shortly after, pangs of guilt striking my heart. Before I shut the door, I whispered the only words I had left. "Goodbye, Alice."
And I swear, I heard a gasp of fear before I shut the door and walked off into the night, my destiny solidly at my side.