Don't Blame Me for Being Me
Chapter 25 You ain’t a movie of my life but it’s starring you (we keep going, we keep being…togeth
So, Bren and me are together again. I understood that day I wasn’t ready to be without him. Fuck, it’s funny. I tried so many times to get rid off of him. I could do it again that day. I could say to him to fuck off. For two weeks I thought we broke up. Fuck, only we can be in such a messy relationship. Now I treat to everything that had happened as if it was ordinary, daily thing. I just feel calm sympathy to Bren. We’ve learnt to respect each other. We’ve become more serious in this sense. A little bit serious. Yeah, we try to change. The only annoying thing is that we try to do it at a distance. He’s in VEGAS with his work. I’m in LA with my studying. He left for Vegas at once after our conversation grabbing Spence with him. Dasha resisted very much and cursed Bren farewell for taking Spence, her lovely Spence, away from her. Jon stayed at us for two days and those days, those 48 hours, were awesome for all of us. Jon’s my great friend, my greatest male friend. I love him. I’m ready to say it to the whole world. He’s amazing person. I dunno how to describe his features. Just he’s a man I can wake up at a deep night by calling him over a phone and asking for help in solving my problems. Why I’m so exclaiming about Jon? He saw pics of Andrei and me and after we had a conversation about the whole that stuff. And know what? He helped me to understand myself. And I’m thankful to him. Well, what did I understand? I figured out exactly that to try to be with Andrei was pointless and stupid. No, it was hopeless from its beginning. I should be stronger and not push myself in a mess. And now I try my best not to let it touch Brendon and our relationships in any way. He’ll never know. He’s not to know about it. I’m with him now trying not to remember grey loving eyes of completely another man.
Sadness aside, Dasha, Jon and me spent amazing time talking, walking, swimming and drinking.
Brendon? I wanna love him. I wanna have a normal relationships. With him and no one else!
***************************************************************************
Fuck! And when I’ll have a time to love him if the only time we have is some hours of his being in LA at weekends?! It’s unfair, you know? It’s just a mockery.
***************************************************************************
There were another some hours of his presence in my house.
I kissed him from a doorway. We closed the door behind us and walked to a couch keeping kissing.
“I didn’t see ya so much time”, Bren said sitting me at his lap and unbuttoning his shirt.
“it’s better to say that you didn’t touch me”, I joked helping him.
“Yeah”, he took off his shirt and my one and began kissing my neck.
“Brendon, we must find any solution for our relationships. I can’t wait for you for weeks and get only…this”, I said firmly but couldn’t curb from moaning a little as he was sucking my skin.
“yeah, I know”, he mumbled and found clasp of my bra.
“fuck, Brendon, I’m serious”, I said trying to make him to listen to me.
but it didn’t work. He got up and raised me keeping my legs which were wrapped around his waist or hips. So we got into another room I have at a ground floor of my house. we crashed on a bed and proceeded our occupation. I was trying to speak with Bren anyways while he was getting me a pleasure by kissing my stomach.
“Bren…I’m…just attempting…to say…that…let’s take off my pants…I’m saying…that…I have an idea…Bren…oh…fuck…just… listen…to…me”, I eventually ended and pulled him up to my lips.
“what idea?” he asked unbuckling his belt.
“I can come in Las Vegas each weekend since you can’t. I’m more free for this time. And I wanna see you often”, I said raising myself by my elbows and watching him.
He got up, took off his jeans and lied next to me.
“okay, I completely agree”, he said putting his arm around me.
“there’s just one problem. I don’t have enough money for such entertainment”, I smiled and kissed him.
“I’m ready to pay for it”, he smiled back. “So, no more chats, come here”, he replied and got on top of me.
****************
Sure, when we can have a time to talk? Only when we’re about to have sex. Another time doesn’t suit us.
*****************
As we agreed I’m in Vegas each weekend. Bren’s business expresses by that producer or any other important people can be needed in him at any time and can call him at any time. In general Bren does nothing serious in Vegas. That’s why weekends are only ours. So I arrive in Vegas at about afternoon on Saturday. He meets me in airport. We buy me a back ticket and then go to the city. There we have dinner and walking along a mall. After we come to his house and hang out there. And sometimes we spent nights in Vegas’s clubs. Amazing life! But it lasts only to Sunday’s evening when I leave for LA. But at all I like such spending time. I’ll do it until I get bored making Bren waste his money.
************************
My birthday is coming. I’ll turn 19. I have no exact plans concerning that day, February 12. I just wanna get gifts and congratulations. Oh, and of course drinks. Drinks, drinks and drinks once again! Dasha and me will go to some night club of course.
Bren and me spent much time thinking about a bday present to me. he doesn’t wanna make any surprises to me. he knows me well. If to be honestly I don’t like surprises. So I couldn’t think up anything smarter than “Bren, gimme some kind of entertainment”. He said that house Dasha and me live in is fulled by all types of entertainment. I convinced him I need one more type.
***************************
My bday morning. I woke up at about 10 a.m. ‘cause it was Sunday to my luck. I could begin process of celebrating exact from the morning. So I began. i woke up Dasha. We had a bottle of champagne in our fridge. So we started the morning like aristocrats drinking champagne and eating strawberries. It was beautiful… Bren was going to arrive at about 3 p.m. So Dasha and me decided to accept congratulations to me. my friends called and sent me e-mails with best wishes to me. Then there was some break and I went at a backyard. I just closed a door behind me and saw an unbelievable thing. There were swing. Nice, wide, for two or even three seats, with a little girlish style of white color swing.
“Dasha!” I called her. “you know there’s a swing at our backyard !’ I yelled to her.
“Where?” she came up to me. “Oh, fuck, holy shit, motherfucking nice swing, by the way”, she said after seeing that.
“haha, yeah, fuck, it’s nice”, I replied.
“is it someone’s gift? Urie’s?” she asked.
“our nigger neighbors threw over fence”, I joked.
“see, one of them is coming to us”, Dasha pointed at our neighbor.
“hello, girls! How are you?” he asked us coming to an edge.
“um, fine. Alive, still”, Dasha replied.
I thought if he heard my words about ‘nigger’. Hope, no.
“and how are you, Mr. Fox?” Dasha asked back. “do you see this nice swing we’ve got?”
“of course, I see. I even saw how it got to here”, he replied.
“so, and how?” I asked.
“guys in a trunk of service stuff from Rosary store drove and a boy – I saw him at your place – was managing them. I think you were out in that time. And this swing meant to be a surprise”, he replied.
“it worked. We invite your daughter to play here, if you want”, I smiled to our neighbor.
He nodded and walked away.
“so, it’s exactly Urie’s present”, Dasha said.
“yeah. I’ll thank him when he come. Let’s rock a little, may be”, I suggested.
Dasha agreed and we spent a good hour at that swing, rocking and talking, of course. Then my friend from univer called and asked if I wanted to celebrate my bday and where. So, she suggested to throw a party in your room. She lives in univer’s campus. I agreed at once for me and for Dasha. I began calling people, and my friend, Amy, began arranging a party at all. We agreed I’d pay for food and drinks after. It wasn’t a big deal. So, plans for evening and night were made. Then Brendon arrived. I met him with a thankful speech and kisses. He met me with best wishes, flowers and kisses. He pulled me to go to some restaurant. It was nice. I had a time till party to drink a half of bottle of wine. At all that time was nice, it was funny. We were sneering and grinning at each other. We spent a good time, such time when you understand that, fuck, you have nice relationships with your bf, that you both love each other, that the world is nice and everything’s alright.
***************************************************************
The Party was superb! It was a real student party, wild and ruthless. So much people expressed their respect to me. I expressed it back of course. There were so much congratulations, jokes, toasts, any tricks and many other good. Uh, and of course drinks. I dunno how people understood me ‘cause I couldn’t even form a sentence into Russian in my mind. Of course it happened somewhere to the end of the party. At home Dasha and me returned next morning and had sooo bad look. We scared Brendon and he was afraid to come up to me almost all that day.
Uh, nice time. Exactly which I like. I mean, time of parties.
Sadness aside, Dasha, Jon and me spent amazing time talking, walking, swimming and drinking.
Brendon? I wanna love him. I wanna have a normal relationships. With him and no one else!
***************************************************************************
Fuck! And when I’ll have a time to love him if the only time we have is some hours of his being in LA at weekends?! It’s unfair, you know? It’s just a mockery.
***************************************************************************
There were another some hours of his presence in my house.
I kissed him from a doorway. We closed the door behind us and walked to a couch keeping kissing.
“I didn’t see ya so much time”, Bren said sitting me at his lap and unbuttoning his shirt.
“it’s better to say that you didn’t touch me”, I joked helping him.
“Yeah”, he took off his shirt and my one and began kissing my neck.
“Brendon, we must find any solution for our relationships. I can’t wait for you for weeks and get only…this”, I said firmly but couldn’t curb from moaning a little as he was sucking my skin.
“yeah, I know”, he mumbled and found clasp of my bra.
“fuck, Brendon, I’m serious”, I said trying to make him to listen to me.
but it didn’t work. He got up and raised me keeping my legs which were wrapped around his waist or hips. So we got into another room I have at a ground floor of my house. we crashed on a bed and proceeded our occupation. I was trying to speak with Bren anyways while he was getting me a pleasure by kissing my stomach.
“Bren…I’m…just attempting…to say…that…let’s take off my pants…I’m saying…that…I have an idea…Bren…oh…fuck…just… listen…to…me”, I eventually ended and pulled him up to my lips.
“what idea?” he asked unbuckling his belt.
“I can come in Las Vegas each weekend since you can’t. I’m more free for this time. And I wanna see you often”, I said raising myself by my elbows and watching him.
He got up, took off his jeans and lied next to me.
“okay, I completely agree”, he said putting his arm around me.
“there’s just one problem. I don’t have enough money for such entertainment”, I smiled and kissed him.
“I’m ready to pay for it”, he smiled back. “So, no more chats, come here”, he replied and got on top of me.
****************
Sure, when we can have a time to talk? Only when we’re about to have sex. Another time doesn’t suit us.
*****************
As we agreed I’m in Vegas each weekend. Bren’s business expresses by that producer or any other important people can be needed in him at any time and can call him at any time. In general Bren does nothing serious in Vegas. That’s why weekends are only ours. So I arrive in Vegas at about afternoon on Saturday. He meets me in airport. We buy me a back ticket and then go to the city. There we have dinner and walking along a mall. After we come to his house and hang out there. And sometimes we spent nights in Vegas’s clubs. Amazing life! But it lasts only to Sunday’s evening when I leave for LA. But at all I like such spending time. I’ll do it until I get bored making Bren waste his money.
************************
My birthday is coming. I’ll turn 19. I have no exact plans concerning that day, February 12. I just wanna get gifts and congratulations. Oh, and of course drinks. Drinks, drinks and drinks once again! Dasha and me will go to some night club of course.
Bren and me spent much time thinking about a bday present to me. he doesn’t wanna make any surprises to me. he knows me well. If to be honestly I don’t like surprises. So I couldn’t think up anything smarter than “Bren, gimme some kind of entertainment”. He said that house Dasha and me live in is fulled by all types of entertainment. I convinced him I need one more type.
***************************
My bday morning. I woke up at about 10 a.m. ‘cause it was Sunday to my luck. I could begin process of celebrating exact from the morning. So I began. i woke up Dasha. We had a bottle of champagne in our fridge. So we started the morning like aristocrats drinking champagne and eating strawberries. It was beautiful… Bren was going to arrive at about 3 p.m. So Dasha and me decided to accept congratulations to me. my friends called and sent me e-mails with best wishes to me. Then there was some break and I went at a backyard. I just closed a door behind me and saw an unbelievable thing. There were swing. Nice, wide, for two or even three seats, with a little girlish style of white color swing.
“Dasha!” I called her. “you know there’s a swing at our backyard !’ I yelled to her.
“Where?” she came up to me. “Oh, fuck, holy shit, motherfucking nice swing, by the way”, she said after seeing that.
“haha, yeah, fuck, it’s nice”, I replied.
“is it someone’s gift? Urie’s?” she asked.
“our nigger neighbors threw over fence”, I joked.
“see, one of them is coming to us”, Dasha pointed at our neighbor.
“hello, girls! How are you?” he asked us coming to an edge.
“um, fine. Alive, still”, Dasha replied.
I thought if he heard my words about ‘nigger’. Hope, no.
“and how are you, Mr. Fox?” Dasha asked back. “do you see this nice swing we’ve got?”
“of course, I see. I even saw how it got to here”, he replied.
“so, and how?” I asked.
“guys in a trunk of service stuff from Rosary store drove and a boy – I saw him at your place – was managing them. I think you were out in that time. And this swing meant to be a surprise”, he replied.
“it worked. We invite your daughter to play here, if you want”, I smiled to our neighbor.
He nodded and walked away.
“so, it’s exactly Urie’s present”, Dasha said.
“yeah. I’ll thank him when he come. Let’s rock a little, may be”, I suggested.
Dasha agreed and we spent a good hour at that swing, rocking and talking, of course. Then my friend from univer called and asked if I wanted to celebrate my bday and where. So, she suggested to throw a party in your room. She lives in univer’s campus. I agreed at once for me and for Dasha. I began calling people, and my friend, Amy, began arranging a party at all. We agreed I’d pay for food and drinks after. It wasn’t a big deal. So, plans for evening and night were made. Then Brendon arrived. I met him with a thankful speech and kisses. He met me with best wishes, flowers and kisses. He pulled me to go to some restaurant. It was nice. I had a time till party to drink a half of bottle of wine. At all that time was nice, it was funny. We were sneering and grinning at each other. We spent a good time, such time when you understand that, fuck, you have nice relationships with your bf, that you both love each other, that the world is nice and everything’s alright.
***************************************************************
The Party was superb! It was a real student party, wild and ruthless. So much people expressed their respect to me. I expressed it back of course. There were so much congratulations, jokes, toasts, any tricks and many other good. Uh, and of course drinks. I dunno how people understood me ‘cause I couldn’t even form a sentence into Russian in my mind. Of course it happened somewhere to the end of the party. At home Dasha and me returned next morning and had sooo bad look. We scared Brendon and he was afraid to come up to me almost all that day.
Uh, nice time. Exactly which I like. I mean, time of parties.