Don't Blame Me for Being Me

I’m free, people! There’s no regrets, just a little bit of sadness about that fact I was cheated on again. I was cheated like a pure dork. It’s unpleasant, you know. I didn’t think much about our relationships and breaking up. Now I just consider we were both mistaken to give so many chances for each other. And there was a lack of honesty and confidence at some cases, not always, of course, but still. I liked to be with him. He’s funny and interesting. We felt good together. We were on a way to change ourselves and our relationships. Just imagine, I tried to change myself for him! So much emotions and nerves were in vain. That fact he dared to cheat on me doesn’t make him look nice and “a victim” as he wanted to be. He could be me more mature and act mature. Uh…no matter to talk about it now. I just blame him for wasting my time.
When I got back from Vegas I hurled Brendon’s clothes with angry and packed them fastly in two packages. However I could choose some of them to leave for myself. There are three shirts with a cool words. Oh, and one funny thing is that I found 50 bucks in his clothes. At first 10$ dropped out from his jacket. I was glad of it and decided to check pockets of his pants and jackets. In the end I gathered 50$! Cool. So I packed his clothes and stood the packages in a corner. It waits for Spencer’s visit. I really don’t wanna see Brendon very much. I feel a big antipathy to him.
******************************************************************
Today Dasha and me have decided to have a “healthy” day. We refused to smoke and drink alcohol and chose to have some physical exercises. We were running along the street we live at when my mobile buzzed. We stopped. It was Spence. I picked up with a joy.
“Hey, beautiful!” I yelled laughing.
“hey-hey!”, Spence greeted me. “how’s everything going?”
“very well. For Dasha too, by the way. We’re running now”, I blurted at once.
“for what?” he asked being surprised.
“for ourselves. We wanna have slim bodies and a good health”, I explained being enormously proud of Dasha and me.
“have a healthy day?” he smirked as if it was impossible even to imagine.
“you’re damn right, dude. Oh, did you want something?”
“no, I just check how are you”, he replied.
“thanks”.
“what will you do tonight?” he asked.
“I think I’ll watch football with a bottle of beer”, I replied about my plans.
“And you call it’s a healthy day?” he laughed.
“yeah, beer is useful”, I replied with undoubtful tone.
“what’s about Dasha? I’ve thought she doesn’t fan of football”.
“she’ll drink beer without watching football”, I said with the same tone. “and you? What you will do tonight?” I asked.
“I’ll go at a party”, he replied.
“what party?” I asked with interest.
Last week I worked and studied with no rest, you know what rest I want. I wanted to have a rest. And I have a reason to celebrate – one week without Brendon Urie. Funny!
“Pete Wentz invited. Here, in Los Angeles”, Spencer replied.
It sounded very ordinary to him, but not for me. I just seized the moment.
“Spencie,” he melts when I call him so. “Spencie, how do you think, may be to hell with my plans for tonight if we have so great ones as yours?” I may be made a hint or may be said straight about mine (and Dasha’s) wishes to meet Pete Wentz or Fall Out Boy.
Spence laughed. Dasha was trying to find out what plans I talked about.
“do you really wanna go?” Spence asked me.
“you’re kidding asking. It sure as hell, boy”, I replied in a cheeky way.
“um…okay, no problem. You and Dasha can come with me. I’ll be glad to spend this night with you, girls”, he replied and made me happy.
“Aww! Thank you! Do you call for us?”
“sure. Wait for me at 10 p.m.”, we agreed the time to meet.
“thank you very much, lovely!!! I love you, Spence!” I yelled to hear for all people at the street.
“okay, okay, calm down, girl”, Spence laughed coyly.
“whatever you want”, I joked.
“well, see you soon. “hello” to Dasha. Bye”, Spence said.
“Bye”, I replied and we hung up.
I talked Dasha about my conversation with Spence. That fact we’ll meet Pete Wentz and may be even Fall Out Boy warmed us inside. We run to our house so fast as Olympic winners. We needed to take a shower, to find and decide what to dress, what make up to put on, to choose shoes and handbags, to eat a little and to discuss how to behave ourselves tonight. So difficult tasks…you just don’t imagine how much difficult…but so enjoyable.
******************************************************************
In the club we drove to the party, Spence, Dasha and me took seats not very far from a scene. Spence promised that Fall Out Boy would play some songs and then would relax there, in the club. for me, it was logical that Spence would introduce Dasha and me to guys from FOB. It didn’t cause any doubt. So we were sitting and talking. Spence brought to all of us drinks. Dasha and me tortured him by questions such as “when they’ll come? How you’ll introduce us? When? Where?” and others. Spence replied at all of them by only words “take a patience, girls”. So we tried. Because of our trying we felt worse and worse but firmly were sipping our cocktails. After 30 minutes there was nothing to sip and we all came up to the scene. Some band was already finishing their show. In accordance to Spence Fall Out boy was next. Dasha and me had such look as if we had a rendezvous with a president right before then. We had such conceited look on our faces. Then Joe Trohman, Pete Wentz and Patrick Stumph walked on the scene holding his guitars. Andy sat down at his work spot – drums. Dasha and me started on talking over them.
“oh my gosh! When Trohman shaved last time? Or just saw a razor?” I said ‘cause Joe was really very hairy.
“he saw himself in a mirror at all?” Dasha added. “He looks like he walked out from a forest. He’s kinda some wood monster”.
“it’s probable to scare little children by him”, I joked.
We laughed.
“I think it will be possible to Patrick to curl his hair. He hasn’t heard about haircut?” Dasha said.
“it’s a wig. Don’t you see?” I joked laughing.
“yeah, it’s hooked to the cap”, she added laughing too.
“Andy’s naked again!” I exclaimed.
“Really? Nude at all?” Dasha asked with an interest.
“it doesn’t matter ‘cause he’s behind the drums. We don’t see him”, I explained to her with a stifled laugh and remembered Spence’s a drummer too. “Oh, Spence, when we’ll see you in such image?” I asked.
“we saw others my images”, he smiled. “it’s enough”.
“It’s a pity”, we sighed and glanced at the scene again. Boys were playing “this ain’t a scene”.
“Pete was very busy, I see. There was no time to iron his pants”, I commented.
“it’s such a fashion, girl. Here, Spence’s pants are the same”, Dasha joked.
Spence looked at his pants.
“what’s wrong?” he asked with discontent.
“your pants are crumpled as if they were pulled out from ass”, I said. “and Pete’s pants are too. From the same ass.” I added.
Spence gave us a confused grin and Dasha laughed hard.
“you know”, Dasha addressed to me. “Trohman’s hair will be enough to knit a good hat”.
“it will be enough to knit the whole fur coat”, I joked.
“Shut up, you, little chatters”, Spence said firmly. “let me listen”.
“I can give you their CD if you want. Don’t worry so much”, Dasha smirked.
“I changed my mind. Let’s go outta here”, Spence said suddenly.
“Whaaat?” I looked at him with offensive. “You went crazy?”
“You feel sick?” Dasha asked with indignation.
“You do don’t like them”, he pointed at Fall Out Boy. “they look bad. And you have their CDs. Why we will waste our time now? Let’s go home.”
Dasha and me looked at each other and saw shadow of a fear in our sights. We didn’t want to lose a chance to meet FOB.
“Spence, you have a high temperature because of drinking? Calm down, man”, I replied.
“Spence, you got us in a wrong way”, Dasha said.
“We like everything here”, we both stated.
“But Pete has bad pants. And me too. Mine are crumpled. I’ll go to iron”, Spence said but looked less firmly and strictly.
“Let me do it. right now and right on you. Just don’t go away!” I joked and laughed.
Dasha budged to her handbag.
“wait a minute, I’ll take an iron. Spence, bring me your ass here!” Dasha laughed.
“fuck you, girls”, Spence shrugged off chuckling.
“We won’t go away?” I asked.
“Spence, recall your time in our village. Who was mom and dad for you there? Get it? that’s all. You’re ours here for the whole night”, Dasha said.
“I was kidding, girls. Don’t fear. May be we’ll watch boys? they’re playing the third song while you were taking out the iron”, Spence smirked.
“Spencie, you’re so good!” I said with a sweety voice.
“just don’t strain the situation”, Dasha added.
We all laughed. Fall Out Boy played “Me&You”. Dasha and Spence considered it as a slow dance and began dancing together. I laughed at them. Then I tried to catch Joe Trohman’s glance, not even into my direction, just to the viewers. It was impossible. He plays such a way that he looks only at floor or ceiling. I even felt ill following his look. I was about to throw up because of his wild and fast actions in front of my eyes. At all guys were playing amazing. I liked it. The song eventually finished. But Dasha and Spence didn’t think the end of song is the end of dance. They just stood hugging, propping and prodding into each other. That song was last (we really talked for the whole performance). I walked to Spence and tapped his shoulder.
“well, lead them to us”, I said when he turned to me.
He directed Dasha and me into chill-out zone.
“I’ll go to the guys”, he said.
“you’ll go FOR the guys”, I corrected him.
He smiled and walked away. Dasha and me were silent. I was playing with my cigarette lighter and Dasha was contemplating herself in her mirror for 1000th time. And each time she sighed “ooh” with a shock and disgust. When I was ready to strike that couch we were sitting on, Spence returned with Pete and Joe. And I eventually caught Joe’s sight. Dasha was smiling widely. Me too. After usual process of introducing boys took seat next to us and we began introducing more tightly. Dasha and me tried to show we were getting enjoyment from that evening. But actually it was the last thing I pay my attention to. I was constantly thinking how I was spelling the words I was saying. I was afraid to speak bad, really. Dasha wasn’t be confused if she spoke with belarusian accent. She did it not many times. To my luck Joe and me found common topics to talk. Then Andy came to us.
“oh, Andy, there are girls were interested whether you were in briefs or not at the scene”, Spence said.
“and how I should be?” Andy smiled.
“it’s for your taste”, I replied.
“okay, okay”, he smiled at me again.
Spence introduced us to him. Andy took a seat with us.
“Spence talked very much about his winter holidays in…where you’ve been?” Joe said.
“Belarus, our homeland. He and his bandmates came there themselves”, I explained.
“we didn’t call them. It was surprise. We had to make entertaining program in extreme state”, Dasha joked.
“and don’t believe if somebody complain they had a bad time here”, I bragged with a smile.
“Spence told he slept with a beautiful girl, winner of numerous beauty contents? They slept together on a stove”, Dasha said.
Boys laughed.
“with you, may be?” Joe asked.
“Noo!” Dasha and Spence denied at once.
“why don’t you believe? Belarus is a magic country”, I said.
“And Spence drank yorsh”, Dasha said.
“What is it?” guys asked.
“Yorsh is a thrilling drink. If it’s mixed right, you’ll get 90% of alcohol there. It’s a killing mix of vodka and beer. I can brag of making it professionally. Spence can prove”, Dasha said.
“What do you do professionally – drink or make it?” Joe asked.
“both of it, boy”, Dasha smiled at him.
“oh, boys, I slept in a snow also. But I don’t remember it”, Spence sighed.
“you don’t remember many things you did there. We both were rolling into a snow ‘cause we were drunken. We fell down from a porch and you didn’t wanna get up”, I said.
“I couldn’t be responsible for myself. It’s all just yorsh”, Spence smiled.
“And they all, I mean, Panic At the Disco, were in a bath-house”, I said.
“it was awesome, boys. I advise”, Spence looked cool.
“they got so much enjoyment resting there, really”, I said.
“Spence, tell how you skated at a sledge, have snowball fight and slept under a table”, Dasha said to him.
“and as I can remember I danced striptease. Ira threw my cool belt somewhere at the top of the dance. I couldn’t find it after”, Spence half-complained.
“Spence, I envy you. You had amazing time there”, Pete said.
“Spence, we found your belt next day under a couch. Don’t lie to people”, I said.
“I can’t get one thing”, Joe spoke. “you, girls, both date Spence?”
Spence, Dasha and me laughed hard.
“What?” Joe asked. “you just look so close”.
Boys chuckled.
“We don’t date Spence. None of us”, Dasha said.
“we’re great friends, I think”, I added. “and Spence’s good from all sides but I suggest to talk about something else”.
And our conversation turned to other topics. Pete was sitting next to Dasha and appealing to her many times. I was between him and Joe. I like Joe, people. He seems to be so simple, as if we’ve been acquaintents for a long time. I liked speaking with him. After some time Joe suggested to walk to a bar, so me and him went there. Sitting and drinking there we met Patrick. I couldn’t curb myself to ask him for a kiss and to tell how much I like his work.
Evening was going good. My mind never worked in so tense state. It’s difficult to speak interesting into foreign language. But I was successful and even talked some jokes I translated from Russian right there. Next time I’ll prepare beforehand.
So, Dasha and me looked good and everything was good. Except one thing. Dasha didn’t like Pete (I saw he liked her, it’s for sure). When Dasha and me got into our house, she said he seemed as a total jerk, kinda pervert and unpleasant man at all. I was surprised. But I can’t say anything ‘cause I didn’t have a chance to detect Pete. As for Dasha, till yesterday evening she always delighted at Pete Wentz.
I’m so glad we met Fall Out Boy. They’re so interesting.