Don't Blame Me for Being Me

Chapter 57
I’ll shower you with lullabies as we're walking away. Remind me that it's killing time on this fateful day (dreams only last for a night)
TAI guys and me ended our party in the bus. Nobody wanted to sleep, so with a box of beer and in the driving bus we all were singing along, then playing some video games and ended up talking seriously. One of the video game we played was some car race. You know my unhealthy delight at such games and wish to play them xD. And as I regularly have a practice with NFS, I beat off everybody there. But except Chizzy. He won.
“Oh, Chizzy, you’re man! We thought that nobody could stop her”, Sisky said.
Michael smiled.
“So, Ira, we won, ha!” Butcher exclaimed.
“Hey, what does this “we” mean? Only Michael won. The rest of you is bunch of losers”, I said.
“We are the team!” Adam replied joyfully.
“There’re no teams in this game”, I countered. “When you had time to build up the team against me, huh?”
“After some of us failed, we decided that we’re the whole one and can’t let you win”, Mike replied.
“It’s only Michael who won. You made nothing for his victory”, I shrugged off.
“We lost specially for him”, Mike said.
“Don’t think up excuses for your miserable playing”, I smiled.
He smiled back. The glances we exchanged were so well-known for each other…Flirting is what I know how to do well xD. I sipped some beer from my bottle and paid attention to a conversation the rest of the guys had. But I felt his look at me for a long time and I was just smiling. I wasn’t against his attention at all xD. Well, after spending almost three hours talking and laughing we all went to get in our own bunks. It was almost 5 a.m., I must say. To fall asleep then was almost pointless as TAI would arrive in Charleston, West Virginia about 11 or 12 a.m. But it seemed nobody cared about it so boys went straight to their beds. And as it was found out it was only me who needed to change for night apparel and wipe off make-up xD. So I was standing near my bunk and seeking the clothes in my bag when I heard Mike said something being behind me.
“What?” I turned around and was face to face with him.
Oh, I didn’t know he was so close to me... I felt his hand on my waist which was sliding lower and lower...
“Is your mini on the right place?” he asked pulling my skirt up.
I was shocked but could grab his hands and kept them away from my body.
“Yeah, it is on damn right place”, I replied firmly.
“I don’t think so”, he whispered leaning closer to me.
I loathed his drunken state and behavior, really. I drank much too that night, but my morality was still on a high level, I must say. So the way he acted made me wishing to just run away.
“Sorry, I wanna get in my bunk”, I said trying to move him away.
“Am I invited?”
My eyes went wide.
“Fuck, no. I’m gonna sleep. Alone”, I replied.
“Sometimes girls are afraid to sleep alone”, his hand was stroking my arm.
”I am not. Be sure. If you’re afraid, so you can ask Butcher to share a night with you”, I grabbed my clothes and face cleaner.
“Butcher has no fucking wish to do this”, we heard Andy’s voice.
I breathed out in a relief. We were heard.
“And if I ask you, Andrew? I mean, to keep him away from me for this night”, I said louder.
I saw firstly Andy’s tattooed feet and then his body slowly crawling out of his bunk.
“Dude, you have problems?” Butcher asked Mike gloomy.
“None of your business”, he snapped.
I quickly made my way to bus’s bathroom. I changed to my night apparel – a long shirt and shorts. Then I wiped off my make-up and washed my face. It was time to go out but I feared what I could see after opening the door – Mike Carden, having still the same intentions and being drunken enough not to be responsible to them. And I actually saw him after getting out from the bathroom. I picked my mind and got ready to anything from his side.
“Are you gonna go fuck away from me?” I asked firmly putting my clothes in my bag.
“Are you askin’ for it?” he said.
“Fuck, yeah, Mike. Please, leave me alone, okay?”
He looked at me as if I was joking.
“What?” I asked with a discontent voice.
“You”, he pointed at me boldly. “were flirting with me all day and tonight. And now you’re sayin’ I’m not comin’ to your party”, he smirked.
I bit my lip. He was kinda right. But he didn’t say the main thing – he was damn drunk now!
“Sweet dreams tonight, Mike”, I simply said and crawled to my bunk hoping he would calm down and follow my advice to have a sleep.
Well, I was lying having no wish to sleep. I was reminiscing that long day and remembering everything that happened. I was thinking about my behavior tonight and analyzing it. And I saw just usual me, me hanging with new and old friends, me talking and laughing. And the guys have liked me. As Bill’s friend, as a nice girl, as an interesting talker and etc. I was content by myself. I was glad to spend time with TAI as I was chattering about it for the whole party rocking a bottle of beer in my hands xD. When my eyelids were too heavy to resist them, unexpected thought came to my mind. I even sat up. Well, I just thought...after all that happened to Trohman and me...after all that I said and yelled to him...well, this day I spent feeling myself like a girl, like a woman, like something normal xD. Boys were treating to me like this and I felt it. And it was so pleasant, I must say xD. Unless Trohman...Trohman...what he’s doing right now?...
I shook my head not wishing to think about him. I’m tired to show him how much of a girl I am. I’m tired of my efforts to get him, my own crazy idea, creativity of my sick imagination...
I smirked and turned at another side. Then I felt that someone was going along bunks’ area. I grimaced wishing it wasn’t Mike. And then I saw William who took the blinds away carefully and checked me.
“How are you?” he asked blinking slowly.
He was obviously tipsy xD.
“I’m fine”, I smiled. “And you?”
He gestured okay. I laughed.
“You didn’t sleep?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“It’s bad. We’ll arrive in some hours”, he said.
“I know”.
I tapped a free space in my bunk’s bed.
“Come on, crawl here. I’m bored”, I spoke.
He carefully crawled and rolled to my side. I laid my head on his arm. His breath was on my hair. We entwined our legs to be closer to each other. Being surrounded by his warmth I fastly fell asleep...
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Charleston met us with a heavy rain. Not being completely awake we all checked into a hotel. I called Pete standing near reception. He promised to come down and meet me. Administrator wasn’t aware of me so he didn’t want to show me rooms where FOB had stayed. TAI guys got their rooms, so we all hugged each other farewell. They’ll have a show only tomorrow. They’re lucky to have a plenty of time to sleep after last night xD. I was met by Dasha and Pete. She kept me awake till time FOB boys left for sound check. She followed them and I stayed in our hotelroom just to sleep. Well, boys were joking around telling Trohman was missing me much xD.
“Ira, you can’t imagine that!” Pete began. “He was like an old maid nagging to everybody and mumbling, buzzing and whatever”.
“It was awful”, Patrick nodded smiling.
“I’ve thought it’s his usual behavior”, I said.
Trohman immediately gave me an evil glance. Did he really miss me and I just hurt his feelings? xD At the same time boys were laughing. I decided not to feed my fantasies as I was doing it for the whole month I’m here. I just shrugged off and concentrated on my extreme need to sleep. So when they all finally left for the venue I laid on a bed and fell asleep. And I don’t think I had much time of sleeping when my phone began ringing. I climbed out from the bed to seek it.
Finally. Who’s there? Oh, Polina! Good.
I picked up.
“Hey, how are you?” I asked with a hoarse voice.
“I’m just perrrfect!” she sang.
I smirked.
“Really?” I asked lying on the bed again.
“You can’t imagine what happened last night”, she said.
“I have a very well developed imagination”, I replied with an irony. “So what was happened?”
“Brian...and me...we slept together...made love...i mean”, she spoke carefully.
I opened my mouth and closed it. I sat up on the bed. I wanted to say something but my mind was empty. I just waited for her further explanations. She didn’t expect my reaction and continued.
“We both had drunk much, you know. And when we began kissing we just...couldn’t stop...you know how much I desired this...so it happened. And I’m happy. Also I’m happy it didn’t ruin our friendship. We even became more frankly to each other”, she said.
“I’m...I...don’t know what to say...”, I replied.
“Just say you extremely glad for me”, she giggled.
“Oh, yeah, that’s what I was gonna say...honestly... I’m glad for you. You made your dream come true”, I spoke.
“Thanks. And how are you? Where are you now? How’s your guys?”
“Everything’s fine. I’m with Fall Out Boy. TAI guys are sleeping in their hotelrooms. I was doing it in my room till you called. We had been awake to 5 a.m. I guess”, I replied and told her the rest.
“Um...Mike...”, she teased.
“Oh shut up”, I laughed. “It’s nothing, be sure”.
“Uhuh”.
“Look, I can mock at you too. And I can’t promise it will be pleasant”, I said.
“Okay, okay. I stop”, she told. “But...is your skirt on the right place, huh?”
I groaned and laughed.
“Oh hell, this phrase is hilarious”, she said.
“Yeah, I know. But dear, you haven’t said any word about your sex with homosexual rock star. How it was?” I asked smiling.
“He’s bi. He told me”, she countered.
“Yeah, but many boys would like to sleep with him and not one did it. So speaking of sex...”, I said.
“it was...sex. nice sex. I liked it. Still reminiscing it”, I felt a smile in her voice.
“Good. Glad for you”, I replied.
“You already saw your Joe? How’s he? Was glad you returned?”
“Are you kidding? It’s Joe. He doesn’t give a damn about me. He barely noticed my absence. That’s what I think. But I don’t know what he feels...Boys said he missed me”, I said.
“You like this idea. It bothers you”, Polina replied.
“I don’t want it to bother me. I want to move on”.