Don't Blame Me for Being Me

Chapter 59
Heavily bruised and a little bit nicely used, I never thought you, boys, will be so amused (Let's follow the cops back home)
Cincinnati, OH. Another FOB show with My Chemical Romance. I don’t know exactly but I tend to think Dasha and me helped boys to get along. At least, we helped to do it faster xD. So when the show ended, autographs were given, things were signed, fans were gone and equipment was packed, then we all were hanging out backstage along with crew members from both sides. We congregated in some room which was big enough for that amount of people. There were some girls too, which were girlfriends of some of tech guys. So Dasha and me enjoyed girls’ company because we didn’t have it for so long xD. My soul wanted to be with Joe, so while it was asking for this, I was with Trohman (not very much time). Then I was just wandering around the room with a glass in my hands and having chats with different people. Sometimes I had a little walk out of the room with some of the boys – Frank, Bob, Mikey. After returning from another walk I noticed Dasha sitting with Gerard and talking. I was surprised and thought “what they can talk about?”. I waited for when she came away and took a seat next to him.
“Drinking?” I asked him.
“Beer”, he replied.
“I didn’t ask you what are you drinking”, I said firmly and pulled the hood of his jacket to his head, till the material allowed xD.
He laughed.
“Will we take a shower together tonight?” he asked.
People who was sitting or standing near glanced at us.
“Oh, fuck off of me with your miserable shower!” I said but noticed I was fucking smiling. “I’m still under emotions from previous one. Idiot”.
“Let me know when you change your mind”, he said.”
”Pfft”, I smirked and went away from him to Trohman.
And I must say he was drunken already. And not only him. Pete was sitting next to him being not just a little tipsy xD. They two were joking, talking loudly, telling pleasant words to other people, having a good time, to speak at all xD. So being glad for them I walked out from the room with Frank. In the same time Dasha walked out with Pat. Frank and me hid in some dark corner sitting here, talking sincerely and...eating xD.
“You know I’m stuck with The Pierces since recently. These girls are amazing. I found their album at some site for downloading music. I’ve liked the title and downloaded the album. Now I’m a fan of them”, I said and took a bite of some pizza we stole from a common table.
“Really? So what do you like in them?” Frank asked and leaned to me to wipe off a stain of ketchup on my cheek.
“Oh, thanks”, I smiled. “I think I’m attracted by their cynic attitude to men in some songs, their blue and sort of desperation when they sing about love to someone, their cabaret style in some songs...but mostly I love them ‘cause of the cynism and irony. I totally love it”, I explained.
“Let me get you...you like ironical lyrics about love?” he asked looking at me attentively.
I nodded.
“Is it the way you perceive love? Treating to it this easy and kinda mocking in some sense?” he asked.
“Not for all my life. I think I had at least one strong love in my life for now. Just from recently I am in kinda disappointment by this love stuff”, I replied.
“It’s unhealthy. Girls should believe in true and deep love, a beautiful wedding and happy married life”, Frank told.
I laughed.
“See? You just laugh at this idea”, he shook his head.
It caused another wave of laughter from my side.
As my laugh is contagious thing, Frank started snickering along with me. We ended up dropping the food xD.
“Oh, fuck”, we cursed and tried to save the rest of it which was scattered on our knees.
To save was meant just to eat xD.
“However”, I said taking another bite and looked at Frank. “You got me a little wrong with that cynic thing”.
He wanted to counter but I thrust a big piece of pizza in his mouth xD.
“I haven’t finished”, I said innocently.
He smiled trying to chew.
“I believe in a true love, in finding my another half, in having pure and...lovely... sincere relationships. But it’s getting harder after two deceits from boys’ side”, I spoke watching him swallowing that pizza.
“Clear”, he said already having opportunity for this. “But I’m still of my opinion”.
I shrugged off my shoulders.
“I tried to explain”, I said and looked down at my feet.
So I didn’t notice him moving closer to me.
“Hey”, he titled my chin.
I looked up and caught his glance which was darting from my lips to my eyes and way back.
“Frank, we...”, I wanted to say that, hell, you know we talked about it and we BOTH agreed this isn’t right for us. We BOTH agreed for friendship and we have a great one. So what the fuck are you gonna do?!
But I couldn’t say any of that ‘cause he pressed his lips to mine. I breathed in deeply gathering my bravery and pulled away from him. I put my hands on his chest not letting him move closer. He obeyed.
“Sorry”, he said first.
I looked at him seriously.
“I am really sorry”, he glanced down at my hands. “You can let me go”.
I crossed my arms on my chest but then thought it’s silly to be offended and decided to turn it to a joke.
“I was talking about how I am ironical to love and it made you kiss me? Funny”, I said.
He chuckled.
“Let’s come back. I feel we’re missing something interest”, I got up and pulled him to go.
And I was actually right. We missed a very curious thing. Even some ones. At first Mikey was obviously merrier than usual, merrier for like 40 degrees which were in shots of vodka he was taking xD. Second news were Trohman and Gerard who were sitting together in a tight embrace of each other.
“Amazing”, I said and took a seat next to Pete.
Dasha was already in the room having a chat with Bob. I poured a glass for me and Patrick who was near.
“Let’s drink, Pat!” I extended him the glass with whiskey.
“To what?” he asked taking it.
“To me and Trohman!” I eventually thought up and we clinked our glasses.
Sure, Trohman didn’t hear, but my words caught attention of pretty drunken Pete.
“And why?” he asked me.
“What?”
“Why you drank for you and Joe?” he explained his question.
“Because we two are fucking couple! But he is an ASSHOLE, he can’t understand it!” I said loudly.
“Yeah, he is”, Pete admitted.
As it was found out after a second, Trohman heard we insulted him.
“What are you fucking talking about me?!” he asked at full volume of his voice.
He was dead drunken and I couldn’t understand how he could talk or stand.
“Nothing, fuck off”, Pete snapped. “Sit down”.
“Huh! May be it’s you who will make me sit down?” Trohman expressed some irony in his voice xD.
“May be”, Pete snapped back again.
“He! The very wrong answer!” Trohman said and slapped Pete’s face.
“What are doing?!” I yelled.
Pete immediately got up and rushed into Joe’s direction. The table began falling and I grabbed some bottles with alcohol (it costed money!) before everything that was there crashed on the floor. Boys were beating each other and I came away a little from them. Then we all were witnesses how Pete hit Joe’s eye xD. It made Trohman to fall down back on a coach.
“Get it, dick?” Pete asked stepping away from him.
Some people was trying to keep Trohman, but they were drunken and they failed. He got up and ran into Pete with all his weight and they both were already on the floor. I looked at Dasha. She was in shock covering her mouth with her right hand. Soon some people meddled and could tear boys away from each other. Dasha instantly stood in front of Pete trying to calm him down along with Pat. I appeared next to Joe and was successful to make him sit down on the couch. After a little verbal fight boys calmed down completely. I was still standing in front of Joe ‘cause I still wasn’t believing in his calmness. And he really was twisting in his seat all the time.
“Can you just sit normally without this turning and tossing?” I asked rudely and pressed on his shoulders.
So another his try to get up failed xD.
“Okay, okay. I’m sitting, Ira, honey. I’m just offended very much that my friend called me asshole. It’s offensive. It smells like betraying, you know. I thought he’s my friend”, he complained.
“Oh, shut up. I don’t wanna hear this your whiny junk”, I said.
“It’s not a junk!” he protested.
“Yeah, it’s not just a junk”, it was obviously tipsy Gerard. “he’s suffering and you can’t understand it. It’s very unpleasant when friends betray you”, Gerard ended his speech which touched Trohman’s heart.
*********Soundtrack – Horseshoes and Handgrenades by Green Day**********
So with words “Oh, you’re so right, man. Let me kiss you” Joe grabbed Gerard in a tight hug and then kissed his cheek hardly. I was looking at all of this with wide eyes.
“I can’t breath. Stop this”, Gerard groaned and pushed Joe away.
Joe understood the situation in a wrong (and abnormal) way again.
“What? And you’re traitor? You too? What’s your prob, man? Go fuck yourself!” Trohman shouted.
And... and thanks Lord, I had time to run aside from them. ‘Cause they started another tussle. Beating each other they couldn’t stay on the couch, so they collapsed on the floor and rolled under the table bowling chairs over. But this time other people didn’t want to bring them away from each other and just joined the fight themselves. Firstly Pete, Mikey, Frank and Andy. I don’t know may be they remembered some old conflicts, plus rivalry on the music field...everybody was beating everybody. One of the girls wanted to take her boyfriend away from that but was just hit. So she went away and girls put some ice on her cheek. Dasha and me were just watching and tending to think it would have an end in some minutes. But about 5 minutes passed and everything was just getting harder and more serious. We looked at each other.
“We should save him... I mean them”, Dasha said with obvious and natural fear for Pete.
i smirked to the thought of pulling Joe’s ass away from Gerard who was kicking it. It wasn’t even necessary to imagine that. The picture was real and right in front of me xD. Dasha was already in action. She came up to a huge guy whom Pete was gonna have a struggle with high-pitched yells. She looked like Afro-American bitchy chick from Garlem. I was watching her in amazement. As much as that dude. While he was in a dumb state, I pulled Pete away from there. Dasha immediately threw herself on his neck convincing him to stay aside. I sighed and walked to a struggling group of five boys with Joe and Gerard among them. I grabbed Joe’s legs and pulled him to me away from Gerard. But Joe was keeping a hood of his jacket tightly. So with my effort and with Gerard twisting and turning Trohman tore the hood! They both stood up and looked at each other. Trohman with tore material looked dumb and funny I must say. Well, the hood was a new reason to fight again. Pete ran up to save his friend. I kicked Gerard’s ass and looked around for some help. Soon Ray came into the room and finding that...mess he could make a right decision. He found some sober men to tear them all from each other in different directions. I came up to Dasha. She pointed at Patrick. He, alone, was beating two MCR techs as I guessed. I was deeply surprised. They two couldn’t run away from a corner Patrick made them moved to and were making lame attempt of defense. I pitied them, really. As Dasha walked away to Pete again to calm him down, I decided to help those guys. I came up to Pat and when he paid attention to me, the guys ran away quickly. I thought Pat could hit my nose for my interference xD. He looked so angry.
“They broke my glasses, shit!” he exclaimed.
I hugged him and pulled to come up to Dasha and Pete. In a centre of the room there was a great verbal struggle. There were Joe and the tore hood from one side (of course, he was held strongly by Andy and Mikey) and Gerard with damaged jacket in his hands from another one (he was kept by Bob and Brian). Trohman was shouting something about kisses and that something was wrong. Gerard was only yelling “Yes! Yes! Yeah!” So he was agreeing with Joe, but it was making Trohman’s anger increase. Both sides were arguing loudly and compromise was found after some long minutes. Nobody from girls had no wish to pry into that, so other men there soothed everybody down and made a peace in the room. After some minutes Joe and Gerard were sitting together and hugging each other on a coach. I took a seat between them that to have an opportunity for the rest of us to avoid another tussle. Boys met me with a disappointment. I shoved them and established myself well. After very short conversation Trohman put his head on my shoulder and fell asleep. Soon Gerard’s head fell down on my left shoulder as he started dozing off too. “Nice”, I thought. I was blocked by two sleeping men. I could do nothing. No turn, no gesture. Just straight sitting on the couch. I looked around. Dasha was a pillow too, as Pete was lying facing her décolleté xD.
“I need some fun”, I said quietly and looked at Gerard’s face.
I was squeezing Gerard’s nose waiting when he opened his mouth for breathing xD. When I got tired of it, I paid attention to Trohman. I was making fun of him and making people laugh at that. Soon that occupation got me bored too. The room was pretty quiet as it always happens after fights xD. Everybody was already drinking with their ex-kinda-enemies xD. Vodka. Connecting people xD.
So after some time tour administrators (being tipsy at least) announced time to go. Bands’ buses arrived to backdoor exits. So without noisy farewell hugging FOB got separated from MCR. Dasha and me helped our guys to find their bunks and beds and went to our ones to have a sleep.