Don't Blame Me for Being Me

Chapter 72
Your love is something I can’t fight but it’s me who’s winning (Happy in the club with a bottle of red wine, stars in our eyes 'cuz we're having a good time)
The rest of the day and the shooting was a total and absolute AWESOMEness. I was sitting on a front of the car and indeed enjoying We The Kings playing In-N-Out live time after time. Most of cameras were filming them and some ones were filming me. I didn’t need to fake my emotions. My joy and enjoyment were true and original. I was signing along quietly and tapping my feet to the beat slightly. Also I was taking in the atmosphere around and I enjoyed being there. I realized that I fucking live in LA! For me then it was a big discovery. As if I really didn’t know where I’d been living and then just – BAM! – LA’s all around me… When it became darker, guys were lighted by six big lamps and I was given a light chain with small lanterns. They helped me to wrap it around me for several times so I was shining in a darkness like New Year tree. I think it looked great. Otherwise, I would have to take it off. We continued filming and finished to midnight. So we all were done for a day. I jumped off the car, gave back the lights and started walking slowly to my(!) dressing room. And just then tiredness finally hit me. I was lazily watching Travis, Hunter and Drew were laughing at all wet Dan (he was the closest to the ocean with his drum set) as he was complaining about it. After noticing me they waved their hands to me. I smiled (a little bit tiredly) and yelled “see you tomorrow”.
There was already Bet in the dressing room making order with her stuff and all the clothes we used for me for today. I started changing my last outfit to my own clothes and speaking with Bet. When I was on my way to put on my white wide top with a black Rock’n’Roll print, Jack rushed in without bothering to knock. I was so tired that my reactions were slower and quieter than they were supposed to be. “Jack, what the fuck? The door is for knocking on it. I’m half-fucking-naked” was all outburst I was capable of then. He chuckled and said he was gonna wait for me and drive me home.
“Aww, that’s sweet”, I put on a wide but tired grin for him.
He left us alone so I changed those shorts to my black skinny pants. I found my shoes and my big black handbag.
“Do you need a ride to your home?” I asked Bet.
“No, I have a car”, she replied with a pleasant smile.
“So, see you tomorrow”, I smiled back.
We said goodbyes and I walked outside only to nearly crash into Jack’s arms. I was tired as hell.
“I have some food in my car. Do you want?” he asked dragging my listless body to a parking lot.
“I want a bed. I want to lay and sleep like there’s no tomorrow”, I grumbled into his chest.
I felt him chuckling at my comment.
“When you’re gonna talk to Gerard about the video?” Jack picked up undesirable topic for me.
We were already on our way to my house. I leaned back against a passenger seat and closed my eyes for a moment.
“Soon”, I said quietly.
“Don’t postpone it only ‘cause it seems hard. It can be like soon, soon, soon, but the next thing you know that it’s too late”, it was a rare time for another portion of Jack’s wisdom.
“Tomorrow. I’ll tell him tomorrow”, I shrugged off.
Saturday night was a damn pretty right time for us to be stuck in traffic. Jack turned up radio as I wasn’t a chatterbox as usual then. It was around 1 a.m. and a half and our 40 minutes in the traffic jam, when I was awakened by my ringing phone. I picked up as fast as I could to stop that loudness it caused.
“Yeah?” I asked unhappily trying to establish myself good in the seat after a furious seeking for my phone.
“Why the hell I don’t know anything about We The Kings’ new video and you in there, huh?” somebody was mad at me and somebody was Gerard.
“I was going to tell you tomorrow”, I replied calmly ‘cause I was a little sleepy.
“Nice to hear”, he snapped.
“Mmhm”, I managed a sound to let out.
“Is it everything?!”
Now I wasn’t sleepy anymore.
“Fucking yeah! I’m tired now, Gerard. Did you watch your fucking clock? I’m half-asleep though I haven’t reached my home yet. And I don’t know when I’ll do it ‘cause of fucking Los Angeles’s traffic. I need to get up in 6 a.m. tomorrow. So it’s everything. I’ll talk to you about We The Kings’ new video and me in there tomorrow”, I mocked him to the end notwithstanding all my drowsiness.
Jack probably felt himself uncomfortable, but unfortunately he couldn’t get out xD.
“But you told Dasha. Why I’m not supposed to know?” he sounded calmer.
“You ARE supposed to know, don’t be silly. I just wanted to go through the first day, so I have something to tell you besides these news. But we’ll talk later”, I tried to soothe him xD.
“Well, I kinda buy it”, he said.
“You have no choice. Now stop annoying me and let me sleep”, I giggled.
“Annoying?”
“It was a joke”.
“Okay, just tell where are you now?”
“In a car. In Jack’s car”, I replied.
“Jack Barakat? Again?”
“Oh, don’t even start this”, I groaned.
Jack looked at me with concerned eyes.
“Don’t worry about it, Jack”, I said.
“Why the fuck he should worry?” Gerard asked.
“He worries that he’s a reason of one of our arguments! And he’s damn right. Tell me what’s wrong with me being around Jack?” I demanded.
“You had sex!”
“And?”
“And that’s fucking enough”.
“Aren’t you and me together?” I asked simply.
“Yes, but-”
“NO fucking buts, Gerard, really”, I said firmly and hung up on him.
I was sitting silently for some minutes.
“I’m not sure it’s a good question at all, but… is everything okay?” Jack asked.
“I’m not sure that it’s a good answer, but I’m fine”, I said in reply.
After some time we were finally free from the traffic and began an actual driving. I was jumping through radio channels until I found some song of Lady GaGa. I had a sudden idea.
“Jack, let’s hit some clubs. I feel like this”, I said and looked at him.
“Hour ago you were begging for a bed”, he was surprised.
“It doesn’t matter. Let’s go to some club. I need dancing, drinking and having fun”, I almost whined.
“You’re unbelievable”, Jack shook his head.
I smiled contently perfectly knowing he agreed.
“Lady GaGa is calling”, I pointed on the radio.
“And quarrel with Gerard too”, he said.
*************Soundtrack – Lovegame by Lady GaGa**************
I put a heavy make up in the car, not bothering to think about consequences of it. Jack had some his clothes in the car, so he changed his tee to a black buttoned shirt, which hadn’t any crumple on, surprisingly. We looked classic and great. The first thing in the first club we came was heading to a bar. After right amount of drinks I headed to a dancefloor. Shaking my ass in rhythm and throwing seductive glances to pretty hot guys there really were things which helped me to escape thoughts about Gerard. ‘Cause I was pissed and angry at him. Alcohol washed away my upset and dances were destroying my irritation step by step. As we were acquainted with each other’s anatomy, Jack and me were very free in dancing together. I didn’t feel guilty at all, by the way. But to be honest, sometimes our dances were too free and far from innocent friendly ones.
We were done to 3 a.m., called a cab and drove to my house. Jack insisted to stay at my place so he would spend another shooting day with me. So we fell asleep on a bed in my bedroom being pretty well drunk.
As I predicted, my make up I didn’t bother to take off before going to sleep made its job in the morning. It was over my eyes making dark circles. My awful look even got Jack scared. After refreshing showers we had a quick breakfast together, got dressed and made our way to a location of second day of filming.
First thing we were gonna record was Travis and me meeting on a street. Travis was meant to drive his car and kinda get lost. I walk down the street and he asks me to show him the right way. When I arrived to the location, the rest of the crew was already there. Jack and me were running awfully late. Just after I closed a door of a car, Bet grabbed and dragged me to my dressing-room. She was in shock by my look and yelled at me for doing this to my own face xD. But she has magic hands and magic stuff. So in some extra minutes I looked healthy and with a good make up. For the day of filming Travis and mine meeting they chose for me a coral dress and a deep dark khaki hat. I should wear motorbike boots also (they were a hot stuff, to be honest). Travis was wearing ripped off light jeans and blue flannel shirt. As he was driving the car, the process of filming took much more time than filming just us on the beach yesterday. Then we all took a break to change a location. The next thing we will film is Travis and me hanging out at the streets. In particular, they will film us at Hollywood boulevard. I was pretty excited about that and all the way there Travis and me were discussing what funny things we would do.
I was surprised to see my next attire. It was A-line sweetheart tea-length tulle/ organza cocktail dress (by J. Mendel, fall 2008). Also I was supposed to wear heels. So I was almost, almost of Travis’s height xD. As it was found out, Travis and me will also be filmed being in some posh restaurant. Then we’ll show we get bored there and will have fun together outside at streets doing some pranks.
When everything was ready, the process got started immediately and went on with no unnecessary stops. Scenes in the restaurant looked like this – romantic dinner and a slow dance. Both of these things were cut short, of course. Then the fun begun! We went on the Hollywood Blvd. Travis was taking photos of me while I was posing with Hollywood stars. Then we went on and borrowed some remarkable details of Batman and Catwoman’s costume and were pretending to go save the world. It all took last morning hours and to the afternoon there was a desirable break. The crew began arranging a supermarket for the next scenes. The assistant started managing extras . I didn’t need to change clothes, Bet only refreshed my make-up. Travis grabbed me with him for a little interview to Behind The Scenes crew from Buzznet. I had noticed them before – they were making photos already. I was nervous about that part, to be honest. But I managed to answer some questions politely and say some jokes, as well. There was Jack in Travis’s dressing room sleeping safe and sound. But probably, before he got food and coffee for us all. They were standing on a table inside.
“What were you two doing last night?” Travis asked me.
“Just having fun. With drinks. Till 3 a.m.” I replied crushing on a couch.
“Oh, I see then. Why did Jack come here at all? He doesn’t probably feel good”. Travis took his can with Chinese food.
“Because Ira makes fucking delicious quick breakfasts”, we heard Jack replying.
After a second he sat up on a couch and stirred his eyes.
“How much time is it now?” he asked taking a spoonful of my Chinese noodle without any hesitation.
“1 p.m. We’ll finish soon. You’ll be done by the evening”, Travis replied.
“Really? Good. I actually can’t wait to watch the ready music video. I think it’s gotta be beautiful”, I said.
“We can watch the filmed material tonight, if you want”, Travis suggested.
“No, it’s not the same”, I smiled.
“Your phone was ringing. It was Gerard. I thought I shouldn’t pick up”, Jack informed me in a guilty voice.
“You thought right. Thanks”, I patted his shoulder sympathetically and rushed to my(!) dressing room to get my phone.
I didn’t know what Gerard was gonna said to me then. I had been right in our last phone conversation. I reminded myself about it twice while dialing him. But right after I heard him saying “hey” I didn’t feel myself so sure.
“I don’t know who’s right and who’s wrong. I don’t care actually. But I say last time – there’s nothing going on between Jack and me but friendship. And, please, forgive me for not telling you about We The Kings’ video”, I said in a weak voice.
“I’ve called you before to say sorry for acting like a jerk”, he said.
I sighed.
“I think I can’t talk to you over the phone anymore. I wanna see you”, I complained unintentionally.
“Me too. I’m fucking sick of London already. I’ll be in LA in a day. It’s final. We’ll see each other on Tuesday”, he gave me amazing news.
“I’m thrilled. I’m almost happy”, I replied.
“Do you have a laptop near?” Gerard asked.
“I don’t know. Why?”
“Skype is a good thing, you know”, he cracked a laugh. “You can even show me how your shooting’s going”.
“It’s a brilliant idea, Gerard! Hold on”, I left the phone to go seek for a laptop.
Bet had one so I could use it. After a little chat about nothing Gerard asked me to show me where I was. I did it with a great pleasure. I showed him my dressing room and clothes I used for the video. I introduced him to Travis and they had a little talk. Gerard laughed, to my surprise, at Travis’s joke “sorry for kissing your girlfriend”. Carefully carrying the laptop, I showed Gerard the filming crew and the location.
“So now you’ve seen how it looks like”, I smiled at image of Gerard on the screen.
He smiled back. I was so glad to see his face.
“I hope you enjoy your time here”, he said.
“Oh, sure. We’ve done so much that I can’t believe it’s only the second day. It feels much longer. Now it’s your turn. Show me my lovely London”.
He nodded smiling and I saw him lifting his laptop. First of all, he showed me his hotel room. There was Mickey and we joyfully greeted each other. When Gerard was letting me observe London from a window, it was noticeable that Frank came into the room. I didn’t see him but surely could hear him asking loudly “Gerard’s gone mad already? He’s gonna throw away his laptop? Oh he’s trying to fly away?”
I couldn’t stop laughing for some minutes firstly, then managed to say hi to him when Gerard turned the laptop.
“Oh God, I miss London”, I sighed.
“Come to me”, he replied smiling a little bit sadly.
“If I could! Look, I have to go. The break’s almost over and I haven’t eaten yet”, I said.
“Okay, I’ll call you later”, he smiled for me once again before we disconnected.
Our conversation ignited me for the rest of the day. It was good ‘cause we were filming funny, emotional scenes. So I had power to do my best in it. Travis and me had a lot of fun during scenes in the market. He was driving me in a cart most of the time. I tried to do the same with him once. I was also grabbing cans with different sauces and squeezing their contents on Travis. In payback, he was catching me and smearing the sauces on me. We had a tangerine fight (like snowball one, just with tangerines). Also Travis tried to juggle with pineapples xD. To the end I opened some bags with flour and dropped it all over us. So we ended all that craziness with a passionate kiss, being all stained ‘cause of the sauces and white ‘cause of the flour.
After some takes and the director’s instructions we were done there. For that day it was also planned to film a final scene where Travis comes back to me and I forgive him for leaving me and LA. It should be filmed on the beach as for our characters’ couple this place holds many good memories. So after smashing the Hollywood Blvd., Travis and me parted our ways to our own dressing-room-trailers. With a help of Bet I got cleaned from food stuff and changed into my own outfit. The crew was already packing the equipment to be ready to leave. The administrator, Matt, gave me an address of the next location – Venice Beach. I grabbed my stuff and Jack and we got going.
On our way there we had a small talk because he was driving carefully by my request and I was checking my Twitter account. I got a message from Cesc Fabregas, my Spanish soccer friend playing for Arsenal FC, London. He’s got own Twitter account – cesc4official - and informed me about it. Is it sweet of him? XD I updated him with my last news and replied to the rest of messages from friends and pals. It took me accurately our drive to the beach. We were first so we decided to have a walk along a shoreline. We had this kind of conversation when you talk about life seriously and then jump to joking around and then weightiness again. No complains. I like that.
For the upcoming scenes Bet chose for me grey cardigan, black sandals and light grey cotton dress with pretty simple design. She did my hair in braid and my make up in light natural colors. Again, I was highly satisfied with my beauty, but again, I couldn’t relate myself to it xD. To 5 p.m. everything was ready and we started filming. First, they were shooting me sitting on sand and watching skyline as I was surely missing Travis. Then they were shooting me going along the ocean as I was surely missing Travis xD. After that, I had a little time off and they filmed as Travis was seeking for me there. They had only a couple of takes, so my break was very short. When I got back I was sat down in neatly and nice-to-look position. I should show sadness all over my face because Travis left. Then he finds me and reaches me, I smile, he smiles and everybody’s happy. I enjoyed much in this filming. It was hearty. Every take Travis had been touching me, I was smiling shyly trying to look both amazed and happy. Then we were hugging each other tightly and I liked every time we did xD.
As it was predicted , that Sunday was the last shooting day. So everybody clapped when at 7 p.m. Mr. Lee said “And cut! That’s all! Thanks for everybody!”
I pulled my tired body to my dressing room to change the clothes. Jack showed up again and we left together. Before finally going away we came to Travis to say our byes. Him and me exchanged our contacts to stay in touch after. I was glad at such opportunity ‘cause I’ve always thought about Travis as a great person.
Jack drove me home and would like to stay for another night. But there was Monday ahead and Monday means university and office work. And as I put my deals away due to this music video, they all were gonna collapse on me tonight.
“So unfortunately I’m saying ‘no’ to our friendly sleepover”, I told Jack.
“Bad, but I can deal”, he smiled. “How’s Gerard?”
My face lit up with this reminder.
“He’ll be in LA on Tuesday!” I replied eagerly.
“Cool. Say my hello to him then”, Jack smirked.
“What’s this about?”
“What? I’m all friendly”, he replied.
“Okay, okay. I’ve gotta go”, I turned in my seat to look directly at Jack. “It will be a hard night for me”.
“Good luck to you”, he said.
I leaned to hug him. He gave me a tight embrace.
“Thanks for everything you’ve done to me, Jack. You’re amazing, you know”, I said quietly.
“You’re amazing too and you’re welcome”, he chuckled.
“Sleep well, kid”.
And with this I left his car to have a pretty sleepless night getting out of the marvelous weekend and getting ready for my daily duties.