Don't Blame Me for Being Me

Chapter 75
I’ll be there when you close your eyes Hold you tight and say goodnight (I’m trying, I’m trying to let you know just how much you mean to me)

It was late evening. Hard to say the exact time because I lost track of it. I was fully in work. I had a project to do, project where I could barely understand something. People who was responsible for it just left me to do it. They don't pick up their goddamn phones when I call and for sure they don't answer my e-mails. I can't even find them at the office. I never thought before that people can be such pigs! Well, it was late evening, probably, night, as I heard a doorbell ringing. I got up and slowly came up to the door. After opening it I saw Gerard who flashed a smile right after he saw me.
"What are you doing here?" I asked unfriendly.
"Um, I just... I'm from an airport. We just came back from Indonesia. I decided to go to you instead of a hotel", he explained.
"You could call, you know?" I said and rubbed my tired eyes. "Shit. Make up. Dammit". I mumbled.
I forgot about mascara and eye shadows on my eyelids. I was so upset I was about to cry.
"May be you'll let me in finally?" Gerard asked.
I silently showed him to come in and closed the door behind him.
"Make yourself comfortable", I said and returned to a couch with my laptop and huge piles of paper lists.
In some minutes I saw a cup of tea in front of me. I looked up. There was Gerard holding it with a caring look in his eyes. I melted. I took the cup, whispering "thank you" and felt some tears forming in my eyes. It was stupid, I know. But I was extremely tired. Nothing was working out and I didn't see the way out. Well, successful way out.
"When did you eat last time?" Gerard asked.
I sipped the tea. He made great tea. He's great himself. I am probably lucky.
"I don't remember", it was a honest answer.
He asked me to tell everything about my work. May be he regretted it right after, but he didn't show it. I had all his attention. The more I talked, the more I thought of Gerard and me. And I calmed down about my work a little bit.
"I think you should go to bed. You look terrible", Gerard said.
"I have to work", I refused.
"You can't work, you're tired. You'll just make a lot of mistakes and be mad at yourself next morning".
Well, Gerard argued with me for some minutes until I gave up and started to make order on a table.
""Oh for fuck sake, just leave it!" Gerard exclaimed after seeing my effortless attempts.
He got me up, took my cup of tea and came upstairs gently holding me. I pointed at the second door at right. It was a free bedroom, so we could use it. It had a bathroom also. I plopped down on a bed and he returned me that cup of delicious tea.
"I suppose you're gonna take a shower? I'll wait here", I said and took a sip.
"You won't fall asleep?"
"I'll try not to", I smiled weakly.
Gerard took some clean clothes from his suitcase and left for the shower. I took some more sips of my tea and made the bed for us. Then it came to me that there was no towel in the bathroom. And that I needed to put off my make-up. So with a towel in my hands I knocked at the bathroom door and came in.
"I forgot to give you a towel", I said to Gerard.
"Just a towel?" He wiggled his eyebrows.
I gave him a dead look.
"Just kidding", he said.
Gerard got in the shower. I took a seat on the edge of a bath and started taking off my smeared make up.
*for the foxes - the revolution*
After some minutes of weighting pros and cons I decided to join Gerard. I stripped off of my clothes fastly and stepped inside the shower.
"Wow, I'm surprised", he said.
I was feeling sad still, so I came up to him and put my arms around him. He felt what I needed and just hugged me back tightly.
“I’m sorry for being … unfriendly meeting you. You deserved a better welcome”, I said.
“It’s okay”, he replied drawing some figures on my back with his fingers. “I love you anyway”, he added.
“You gave me tea and I was about to cry because I spent two days working and getting no help , no “are you okay”, no “do you need anything”. And you just came and gave me tea”, I was already sobbing.
He took my chin up and looked at me.
“Baby, you really need some rest. You’re horribly exhausted”, he said.
I just nodded.
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The next morning Gerard and me slept as much as we could. He had rest after touring and flying back from Indonesia. I had rest from working on that stupid project. I kinda gave up on it. I’m not the only one who’s responsible for doing it. I did one-third half and I can be proud of that. I woke up first. Still lying in the bed I started thinking what to make for a breakfast. I had to get up and walked to the kitchen. ‘Cause I really had no idea what I had in my fridge. I didn’t have much actually. Shopping for groceries was extremely needed. I returned to the bedroom. Gerard was sitting on the bed looking messy and puzzled.
“Where have you been?” he asked being concerned.
“Kitchen. And what?” I asked plopping on the bed next to him.
“I thought you were back at work, so I wanted to go and pull you away from it”, he said and laid back.
“Fuck this fucking work. It’s Saturday and I’m gonna rest for the whole day. I’m gonna sleep, eat, watch movies and have sex with you”, I said.
Gerard chuckled.
“What?” I turned to him smiling.
“You look and sound much better now”, he said.
I laughed and got on top of him.
“So do you agree with my plans for today?” I asked leaning down and kissed him.
“I’m one hundred percent with them”, he replied smiling.
I kissed him again deepening it and adding heat to it. Gerard let his hands wander my hips and sides. Our making out was in full force. As soon as I took off my pajama shirt Gerard grabbed my boobs and started kissing my neck. Soon he flipped us over and pinned me to the bed.
“We need to go buy some groceries”, I managed to say in between kisses.
“Do we, really?” he smiled playfully.
I nodded and stroked his hair.
“May be later?” he asked kissing my stomach.
“We’ll get hungry some time anyway”, I shrugged it off.
“I don’t see it possible for us to get out of here NOW”, he chuckled.
“Oh, then don’t stop NOW”, I teased him already trying to pull off my pajama pants.
We could get out of bed only some hours later. Then we got in a shower and had sex there. Then we almost had sex while we were dressing up. And then we were finally out.
I decided to make an apple pie, so we needed eggs and flour. And apples, yeah. Gerard liked my idea of making a gazpacho, so we needed ingredients for that.
“I don’t know if to ask you for help with cooking or not”, I said entering my kitchen with packages of food.
“Why is there any doubt?” Gerard asked putting packages with food he was holding on a table.
“I think you can be distracting. But also I think you can be helpful”, I said placing my groceries and came to him.
He put his hands on my hips immediately and pulled me closer.
“I’ll try to help”, he smiled and kissed me quickly.
I changed into my home apparel and returned to the kitchen. I started cutting onion and green pepper. I told Gerard to chop tomatoes. We were serious only for half of an hour minutes. I could put onion, carrot, tomatoes and pepper into a frying pan. But then Gerard decided to be a foolish child, so he smashed a tomato and put it into my top, to say more accurate, into my bra. I squealed in a disbelief and grabbed a handful of rice. I fastly caught a belt line of his jeans and put my fist with rice into his boxers.
“Oh, this means war”, he threatened me smiling.
“Fuck you”, I replied and threw water from a glass at him.
Our food fight wasn’t long. It just ended with a hot fast sex on a table next to a sink.
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“The dinner was amazing”, Gerard said putting plates and glasses into a dishwasher. “You cook great as it seems”.
“You better like it”, I smirked.
I came up to him and put my arms around his waist.
“Thank you for coming”, I said quietly.
“Hey, as if I don’t need it too”, he kissed my head.
I giggled.
“Yeah, you’re right”, I said. “I missed you”.
“I love you”.
I still couldn’t tell him those words back. I still haven’t had any idea why. It seemed Gerard was okay about it. I wasn’t.
“Do you wanna watch soccer with me?” I asked instead.
He nodded.