When It Rains
When It Rains
When it Rains
AN// Okay so I really didn’t mean to write this. Though I knew as I was writing it what it would turn out to be! Don’t hate me hun? Well enjoy – or try =] Song is When It Rains – Paramore, the song just...struck me. It’s Hermione/Ginny, Hermione being the Narrator, I know it isn’t clear :P.
I stare at her in shock. The words she spoke still processing in my brain and I’m trying to think of a suitable reply. I won’t pretend to understand, I won’t pretend that this is what I want but right now the only words I can form are “Okay”. It’s not enough, I know, and I just have to get away. Who knew the words “Can we talk?” were so ominous and life changing?
(And when it rains on this side of town
It touches everything
Just say it again and mean it
We don’t miss a thing.)
I walk, and I wish I could walk on forever. Away from the problems, away from the hurting, away from her. But I can’t and it has to come to and end sometime. I don’t know where I am, so I just sit down and hope for a sign. Half hoping for her to follow me I look back the way I came. There’s nothing there but the rain coming down thick again.
(You made yourself a bed at the bottom
of the blackest hole (blackest hole)
and convinced yourself
that it’s not the reason
you don’t see the sun anymore.)
With no explanation I can’t begin to make sense of what’s going on around me. All I can tell is that I don’t like it, and things will never be normal again. In that moment I begin to regret every decision that led me to this point and I wish I could take it all back. Turn back the clocks and erase memories. Of course I could, but it’s too dangerous and I can’t risk it.
(And no (oh ) how could you do it
(oh I ) I never saw it coming
(no oh) I need an ending
So why can’t you stay
Just long enough to explain.)
There was no forewarning that could have told me something was wrong. I’m sure that there were signs, but I was oblivious and I can’t remember much more than this now. It’s cold out here and I haven’t the heart to do a warming spell, the cold makes feeling numb impossible and that’s just what I don’t need. She saved me from myself, but now even that’s gone.
(And when it rains
You always find an escape
Just running away.)
I have to go back sometime, back up to the Common Room, I have to face her. And I wish I could avoid it, because everybody will be looking at me, including her. I sit under this tree in the rain for as long as possible until it gets dark. Rushing through the Common Room I don’t look up, I can’t. I don’t breathe until I’ve reached my bed, and only when I’ve drawn the curtains do I let the tears fall.
(From all of the ones who love you
From everything)
Covering myself in make-up, making my hair look perfect. In that respect I’m flawless and it’s the only way that I will survive the day. A literal mask I put on to give me the strength to say “No, I’m fine”, instead of running off and bursting into tears. No, the latter I refuse to do. If she doesn’t want me, she’s not worth that [But she’s worth other things?]. Even in my own head this makes no sense.
(You made yourself a bed at the bottom
Of the blackest hole (blackest hole)
And you’ll sleep till May
You’ll say that you don’t
want to see the sun anymore.)
I cannot meet her eyes, I cannot speak a word. But rush past, pretending not to have seen her. If she’s anything she’s not stupid and she’ll know why. And she’ll keep away, though only half of me is hoping she will. I don’t know how to express how I’m feeling, because while this isn’t a new feeling you don’t want to make things worse than they already are. I don’t know why however, the angry part of me compels me completely destroy her.
(And no (oh ) how could you do it
(oh I ) I never saw it coming
(no oh) I need an ending
So why can’t you stay
Just long enough to explain.)
But I’m better than her, I don’t have to break hearts, I don’t have to break her. Gasping deep breaths I take the anger out on myself instead, and instantly I feel myself calm. If this is how I express how I feel, then so be it. Soon it’ll be Christmas and I won’t have to see her for three weeks. I’m not sure if I like that idea or not.
(Explain your side, Take my side)
It’s January now and I feel refreshed, almost normal. Still punishing myself, but almost normal. But then I see her and everything I’m told myself to believe to be true is shattered. I walk away, not ready for this confrontation yet, not ready to just be her friend. But as the week goes on, I realise that that contact is better than nothing.
(Take these chances to turn it around
Take these chances we’ll make it somehow
And Take these chances and turn it around
Just turn it around.)
And for a while everything is fine, and I pretend that I feel nothing. On the outside, to everyone including her I’m normal, happy, over it. But the façade is getting to me, and it hurts more than usual. The blood is thicker now. Everything is too much; I don’t know where to begin. She sees the mess I’ve made and can’t even begin to guess why. I won’t be telling her, ever. I can’t drag up the past again.
(And no (oh ) how could you do it
(oh I ) I never saw it coming
no (oh ) how could you do it
(oh I ) I never saw it coming
no (oh ) how could you do it.)
I write more and more, the parchment beneath my quill holding so many untold, unguessed at secrets. And it’s definitely better that way. This is the way I do things now. She reads them, we’re the best of friends now of course, but it’s never about that. My own pain is just that, my own. It wouldn’t do any good anyway.
(Oh I ) I never saw it coming and
(no oh) I need an ending
So why can’t you stay
Just long enough to explain)
And I’m getting so tired of this now; I just want to let it all go. Want to start living again. The pain is dull and no longer has the same effect, but still I don’t know. There’s no other way, no way to express the pain and doubt I feel. She’s the only one who truly cares yet she’s the only one I cannot tell.
(Explain your side, Take my side)
I retreat further into myself, and that’s okay. I can cope like this; in the end I’ll be fine. Keep your distance darling, I don’t need you. But no, sleeping dogs lie never far enough away, and you have to open your mouth. You have to, yet again; break the only inch of sanity I have left. The only thing I can do is pretend, but now you’ve taken that from me.
(Take these chances to turn it around
Take these chances we’ll make it somehow
And Take these chances and turn it around
Just turn it around.)
“I love your eyes, I love your hair, I love your figure, I love your laugh, I love the little sigh you do when you’re happy, I love hugging you and sleeping beside you. And I’m really sorry.”
(You can take your time, take my time.)
AN// Okay so I really didn’t mean to write this. Though I knew as I was writing it what it would turn out to be! Don’t hate me hun? Well enjoy – or try =] Song is When It Rains – Paramore, the song just...struck me. It’s Hermione/Ginny, Hermione being the Narrator, I know it isn’t clear :P.
I stare at her in shock. The words she spoke still processing in my brain and I’m trying to think of a suitable reply. I won’t pretend to understand, I won’t pretend that this is what I want but right now the only words I can form are “Okay”. It’s not enough, I know, and I just have to get away. Who knew the words “Can we talk?” were so ominous and life changing?
(And when it rains on this side of town
It touches everything
Just say it again and mean it
We don’t miss a thing.)
I walk, and I wish I could walk on forever. Away from the problems, away from the hurting, away from her. But I can’t and it has to come to and end sometime. I don’t know where I am, so I just sit down and hope for a sign. Half hoping for her to follow me I look back the way I came. There’s nothing there but the rain coming down thick again.
(You made yourself a bed at the bottom
of the blackest hole (blackest hole)
and convinced yourself
that it’s not the reason
you don’t see the sun anymore.)
With no explanation I can’t begin to make sense of what’s going on around me. All I can tell is that I don’t like it, and things will never be normal again. In that moment I begin to regret every decision that led me to this point and I wish I could take it all back. Turn back the clocks and erase memories. Of course I could, but it’s too dangerous and I can’t risk it.
(And no (oh ) how could you do it
(oh I ) I never saw it coming
(no oh) I need an ending
So why can’t you stay
Just long enough to explain.)
There was no forewarning that could have told me something was wrong. I’m sure that there were signs, but I was oblivious and I can’t remember much more than this now. It’s cold out here and I haven’t the heart to do a warming spell, the cold makes feeling numb impossible and that’s just what I don’t need. She saved me from myself, but now even that’s gone.
(And when it rains
You always find an escape
Just running away.)
I have to go back sometime, back up to the Common Room, I have to face her. And I wish I could avoid it, because everybody will be looking at me, including her. I sit under this tree in the rain for as long as possible until it gets dark. Rushing through the Common Room I don’t look up, I can’t. I don’t breathe until I’ve reached my bed, and only when I’ve drawn the curtains do I let the tears fall.
(From all of the ones who love you
From everything)
Covering myself in make-up, making my hair look perfect. In that respect I’m flawless and it’s the only way that I will survive the day. A literal mask I put on to give me the strength to say “No, I’m fine”, instead of running off and bursting into tears. No, the latter I refuse to do. If she doesn’t want me, she’s not worth that [But she’s worth other things?]. Even in my own head this makes no sense.
(You made yourself a bed at the bottom
Of the blackest hole (blackest hole)
And you’ll sleep till May
You’ll say that you don’t
want to see the sun anymore.)
I cannot meet her eyes, I cannot speak a word. But rush past, pretending not to have seen her. If she’s anything she’s not stupid and she’ll know why. And she’ll keep away, though only half of me is hoping she will. I don’t know how to express how I’m feeling, because while this isn’t a new feeling you don’t want to make things worse than they already are. I don’t know why however, the angry part of me compels me completely destroy her.
(And no (oh ) how could you do it
(oh I ) I never saw it coming
(no oh) I need an ending
So why can’t you stay
Just long enough to explain.)
But I’m better than her, I don’t have to break hearts, I don’t have to break her. Gasping deep breaths I take the anger out on myself instead, and instantly I feel myself calm. If this is how I express how I feel, then so be it. Soon it’ll be Christmas and I won’t have to see her for three weeks. I’m not sure if I like that idea or not.
(Explain your side, Take my side)
It’s January now and I feel refreshed, almost normal. Still punishing myself, but almost normal. But then I see her and everything I’m told myself to believe to be true is shattered. I walk away, not ready for this confrontation yet, not ready to just be her friend. But as the week goes on, I realise that that contact is better than nothing.
(Take these chances to turn it around
Take these chances we’ll make it somehow
And Take these chances and turn it around
Just turn it around.)
And for a while everything is fine, and I pretend that I feel nothing. On the outside, to everyone including her I’m normal, happy, over it. But the façade is getting to me, and it hurts more than usual. The blood is thicker now. Everything is too much; I don’t know where to begin. She sees the mess I’ve made and can’t even begin to guess why. I won’t be telling her, ever. I can’t drag up the past again.
(And no (oh ) how could you do it
(oh I ) I never saw it coming
no (oh ) how could you do it
(oh I ) I never saw it coming
no (oh ) how could you do it.)
I write more and more, the parchment beneath my quill holding so many untold, unguessed at secrets. And it’s definitely better that way. This is the way I do things now. She reads them, we’re the best of friends now of course, but it’s never about that. My own pain is just that, my own. It wouldn’t do any good anyway.
(Oh I ) I never saw it coming and
(no oh) I need an ending
So why can’t you stay
Just long enough to explain)
And I’m getting so tired of this now; I just want to let it all go. Want to start living again. The pain is dull and no longer has the same effect, but still I don’t know. There’s no other way, no way to express the pain and doubt I feel. She’s the only one who truly cares yet she’s the only one I cannot tell.
(Explain your side, Take my side)
I retreat further into myself, and that’s okay. I can cope like this; in the end I’ll be fine. Keep your distance darling, I don’t need you. But no, sleeping dogs lie never far enough away, and you have to open your mouth. You have to, yet again; break the only inch of sanity I have left. The only thing I can do is pretend, but now you’ve taken that from me.
(Take these chances to turn it around
Take these chances we’ll make it somehow
And Take these chances and turn it around
Just turn it around.)
“I love your eyes, I love your hair, I love your figure, I love your laugh, I love the little sigh you do when you’re happy, I love hugging you and sleeping beside you. And I’m really sorry.”
(You can take your time, take my time.)