I Can't Close My Eyes, I Can't Shut My Eyes Off You
Chapter 6
"Isabel!" Someone whispered into my ear.
I pulled the blanket over my head and sunk further into the pillow.
"Isabel, wake up! You need to get ready for your date."
I suddenly realized that I was in Frank's bed, or at least I was pretty sure. All the lumps in the mattress seemed to be in the right place, but a bit larger than I had remembered. The blanket and pillow were different, but the smell was what gave it away. I sat up, rubbing my eyes.
"Hey there sleepyhead…" I was pretty sure that was Ray.
"We came to get you ready for your date!" exclaimed Matt.
"Oh yeah, shit! How long have I been sleeping? What time is it?" I guess I had dozed off during their snack break.
I heard a set of laughter coming from the left side of me.
"It's 6:45, but don't worry. Frank won't be ready 'till 7:30 anyway." Ray said.
"Well can you guys take me to my house to get some nicer clothes on?" I was hopeful in my questioning.
"I believe that was the plan!" Ray grabbed my arm and pulled me out of bed.
Matt led me to Ray's car to help me get ready. I was thankful that they were going to help me find some clothes. I'd just been grabbing any t shirt with jeans ever since the incident. Hopefully there was something in my closet that Frank would like.
---------
"And then you just turn left onto Asbury and mine is the last house on the left," I finished explaining the directions. Frank and I lived hardly lived 3 minutes from each other.
"Ooooh! Last house on the left!" Matt joked.
"Ah we haven't watched that in forever! I love that movie!" Ray seemed to be reminiscing.
"Which version?" I laughed.
"All of them!" they said in unison.
I felt like I constantly found remakes of that movie no matter how many versions I'd seen.
"Alright, let's hurry." Matt was rushed.
Despite my disability, we dashed up the steps into my room.
"Sorry my house is so… dirty," I was the only one that would ever clean the house and even though I couldn’t see, I was well aware that my parents took no part in cleaning it up.
"No time for apologies, let's get you ready for you date!" I could hear Matt dash for my closet.
"Could we give each other pedicures first?!" I joked.
"Haha, very funny."
"You wouldn't happen to be gay… would you?"
"Why, do you have a problem with that?" he snapped.
I was caught by surprise.
"Oh… no. I'm perfectly fine with it I was just jo—"
"Kidding!" he laughed.
I laughed along with him to cover my relief.
I stood there silently while they rustled through my closet until I felt a hanger shoved into my arms.
"What is it?" I asked.
"It's some blue-ish dotty thing…" Ray's feeble attempt to describe made me giggle.
"It's a silk empire-waisted dress. Above knee-length, dark blue with tiny white polka dots." Matt explained.
"Sure you're not gay?" Ray continued my joke.
"Shut up, Ray" I heard a few playful punches.
As they wrestled around I found my way to the bathroom to put on my dress. To no surprise, putting this dress on was a bit harder than slipping on jeans and tee. My hair was probably a total mess at this point and I barely had any make up on. I had a hard time doing those things now, so I didn't try too hard. I figured it wouldn't hurt asking if they could do a few simple things to help me.
I walked back to my room quickly after I finished dressing.
"Do you guys think you could maybe…um… fix my hair and make up?"
They both stuttered; I knew it probably wasn't a good idea to have them do it, but maybe— just maybe— they could make me look good. Or at least a little better.
"Sure. Your hair just needs a little brushing," Matt said.
"And I can just put mascara on you and you'll be set!" Ray seemed almost excited.
Matt quickly brushed through my hair which only hurt a little bit. Ray poked me in the eye about fifty times, but we finally got through it. My nerves started coming again for this date. I went from having pretty much no friends to going on a date in the matter of 6 or 7 hours. And it wasn't just a date; at least not for me. This was a date with Frank Iero. Frank- my old best friend-my old best friend who abandoned me for other cooler kids. Wait?! What was I thinking going on this date? Frank was an asshole for what he did to me. He was beyond an asshole. But who am I kidding? I love Frank with all my heart. It seems like it's stupid since we were only friends until 3rd grade, but I know Frank is special. I should be excited, if anything.
I felt the first fall leaves crunch beneath my feet as we walked on the sidewalk to the car. Despite what I had been telling myself before, I really was nervous. The car ride seemed to take 4 hours. Each bump in the road hit me harder and harder each time. I was just concentrating too much. I needed to relax and be myself for this.
A gust of wind blew into my face as I stepped out of the car. All of my emotions seemed to be strengthening by the minute and I was feeling extremely weird. I could smell the cinnamon smell of Frank's house from the street. I could hear footsteps all around me and my nerves were almost causing me physical pain. I could feel the friction of my bones and muscles with every step I took. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I knew I couldn't wait to do this.
As we walked in, Gerard came running from the hallway.
"Hey guys, Frank will be just a few more— Oh wow, Isabel. You look great!"
"Thanks!" Matt was gracious.
"Thank you, Gerard." I chuckled.
"I'm ready!" Frank yelled from down the hall.
I heard him run out quickly.
"It's about time. Did it seriously take you that long to put on that?"
"Shut up, Ray. At least I have a date. Wow Isabel, you look so pretty. Let's head out, I know the perfect place to go for dinner."
As we drove into the night, I stared straight out what was probably the car windshield. I wanted to ask Frank what made him ask me out so suddenly, but I decided to ask later. Frank popped in my favorite Smashing Pumpkins CD, “Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness”. The first track passed without me even noticing. Then ‘Tonight, Tonight’ came on. The violins roared in, almost matching the pace of which the car seemed to be moving. I was feeling weird. As it slowed into the guitar, I could hear that it started raining. I still hadn’t realized how hard I was concentrating on the song as Billy’s voice came in,
Time is never time at all
You can never ever leave
Without leaving a piece of youth
And our lives are forever changed
We will never be the same
The more you change, the less you feel
I wasn’t even singing along. I finally realized how much I really was concentrating on the song, but I couldn’t figure out why. I also couldn’t figure out what was making me feel so weird, but I liked it. I really liked it. I guess I never realized how truly amazing this song was. I continued listening, the guitars rolling, still deep in thought,
Believe, believe in me, believe
Believe in the resolute urgency of now
And if you believe there's not a chance tonight
Tonight, so bright, tonight
As the song continued, a vision played so vividly in my head that I swore it was real. I don't know what it was, but I started describing it to Frank, who seemed to be listening with interest.
"It's incredible! I'm moving, free falling, through the night sky on some sort of starry path. Wind is whipping at my face and my hair is trailing behind me…"
The image continued throughout the entire song until the very end came.
We’ll find a way to offer up the night tonight
The indescribable moments of your life tonight
The impossible is possible tonight
Believe in me as I believe in you tonight
As the final line played, I found myself staring out of a rainy car window.
"The gray skies make the gray of the car interior look lighter than snow. The drops are heavy and the windshield wipers are rapidly moving across the car. I'm passing over a bridge and I can see downtown…"
I turned my head toward Frank.
"Oh, it's seriously amazing, Fra— Oh my God!"
And then everything went back to black. The car jolted forward then back as we came to a complete stop.
I pulled the blanket over my head and sunk further into the pillow.
"Isabel, wake up! You need to get ready for your date."
I suddenly realized that I was in Frank's bed, or at least I was pretty sure. All the lumps in the mattress seemed to be in the right place, but a bit larger than I had remembered. The blanket and pillow were different, but the smell was what gave it away. I sat up, rubbing my eyes.
"Hey there sleepyhead…" I was pretty sure that was Ray.
"We came to get you ready for your date!" exclaimed Matt.
"Oh yeah, shit! How long have I been sleeping? What time is it?" I guess I had dozed off during their snack break.
I heard a set of laughter coming from the left side of me.
"It's 6:45, but don't worry. Frank won't be ready 'till 7:30 anyway." Ray said.
"Well can you guys take me to my house to get some nicer clothes on?" I was hopeful in my questioning.
"I believe that was the plan!" Ray grabbed my arm and pulled me out of bed.
Matt led me to Ray's car to help me get ready. I was thankful that they were going to help me find some clothes. I'd just been grabbing any t shirt with jeans ever since the incident. Hopefully there was something in my closet that Frank would like.
---------
"And then you just turn left onto Asbury and mine is the last house on the left," I finished explaining the directions. Frank and I lived hardly lived 3 minutes from each other.
"Ooooh! Last house on the left!" Matt joked.
"Ah we haven't watched that in forever! I love that movie!" Ray seemed to be reminiscing.
"Which version?" I laughed.
"All of them!" they said in unison.
I felt like I constantly found remakes of that movie no matter how many versions I'd seen.
"Alright, let's hurry." Matt was rushed.
Despite my disability, we dashed up the steps into my room.
"Sorry my house is so… dirty," I was the only one that would ever clean the house and even though I couldn’t see, I was well aware that my parents took no part in cleaning it up.
"No time for apologies, let's get you ready for you date!" I could hear Matt dash for my closet.
"Could we give each other pedicures first?!" I joked.
"Haha, very funny."
"You wouldn't happen to be gay… would you?"
"Why, do you have a problem with that?" he snapped.
I was caught by surprise.
"Oh… no. I'm perfectly fine with it I was just jo—"
"Kidding!" he laughed.
I laughed along with him to cover my relief.
I stood there silently while they rustled through my closet until I felt a hanger shoved into my arms.
"What is it?" I asked.
"It's some blue-ish dotty thing…" Ray's feeble attempt to describe made me giggle.
"It's a silk empire-waisted dress. Above knee-length, dark blue with tiny white polka dots." Matt explained.
"Sure you're not gay?" Ray continued my joke.
"Shut up, Ray" I heard a few playful punches.
As they wrestled around I found my way to the bathroom to put on my dress. To no surprise, putting this dress on was a bit harder than slipping on jeans and tee. My hair was probably a total mess at this point and I barely had any make up on. I had a hard time doing those things now, so I didn't try too hard. I figured it wouldn't hurt asking if they could do a few simple things to help me.
I walked back to my room quickly after I finished dressing.
"Do you guys think you could maybe…um… fix my hair and make up?"
They both stuttered; I knew it probably wasn't a good idea to have them do it, but maybe— just maybe— they could make me look good. Or at least a little better.
"Sure. Your hair just needs a little brushing," Matt said.
"And I can just put mascara on you and you'll be set!" Ray seemed almost excited.
Matt quickly brushed through my hair which only hurt a little bit. Ray poked me in the eye about fifty times, but we finally got through it. My nerves started coming again for this date. I went from having pretty much no friends to going on a date in the matter of 6 or 7 hours. And it wasn't just a date; at least not for me. This was a date with Frank Iero. Frank- my old best friend-my old best friend who abandoned me for other cooler kids. Wait?! What was I thinking going on this date? Frank was an asshole for what he did to me. He was beyond an asshole. But who am I kidding? I love Frank with all my heart. It seems like it's stupid since we were only friends until 3rd grade, but I know Frank is special. I should be excited, if anything.
I felt the first fall leaves crunch beneath my feet as we walked on the sidewalk to the car. Despite what I had been telling myself before, I really was nervous. The car ride seemed to take 4 hours. Each bump in the road hit me harder and harder each time. I was just concentrating too much. I needed to relax and be myself for this.
A gust of wind blew into my face as I stepped out of the car. All of my emotions seemed to be strengthening by the minute and I was feeling extremely weird. I could smell the cinnamon smell of Frank's house from the street. I could hear footsteps all around me and my nerves were almost causing me physical pain. I could feel the friction of my bones and muscles with every step I took. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I knew I couldn't wait to do this.
As we walked in, Gerard came running from the hallway.
"Hey guys, Frank will be just a few more— Oh wow, Isabel. You look great!"
"Thanks!" Matt was gracious.
"Thank you, Gerard." I chuckled.
"I'm ready!" Frank yelled from down the hall.
I heard him run out quickly.
"It's about time. Did it seriously take you that long to put on that?"
"Shut up, Ray. At least I have a date. Wow Isabel, you look so pretty. Let's head out, I know the perfect place to go for dinner."
As we drove into the night, I stared straight out what was probably the car windshield. I wanted to ask Frank what made him ask me out so suddenly, but I decided to ask later. Frank popped in my favorite Smashing Pumpkins CD, “Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness”. The first track passed without me even noticing. Then ‘Tonight, Tonight’ came on. The violins roared in, almost matching the pace of which the car seemed to be moving. I was feeling weird. As it slowed into the guitar, I could hear that it started raining. I still hadn’t realized how hard I was concentrating on the song as Billy’s voice came in,
Time is never time at all
You can never ever leave
Without leaving a piece of youth
And our lives are forever changed
We will never be the same
The more you change, the less you feel
I wasn’t even singing along. I finally realized how much I really was concentrating on the song, but I couldn’t figure out why. I also couldn’t figure out what was making me feel so weird, but I liked it. I really liked it. I guess I never realized how truly amazing this song was. I continued listening, the guitars rolling, still deep in thought,
Believe, believe in me, believe
Believe in the resolute urgency of now
And if you believe there's not a chance tonight
Tonight, so bright, tonight
As the song continued, a vision played so vividly in my head that I swore it was real. I don't know what it was, but I started describing it to Frank, who seemed to be listening with interest.
"It's incredible! I'm moving, free falling, through the night sky on some sort of starry path. Wind is whipping at my face and my hair is trailing behind me…"
The image continued throughout the entire song until the very end came.
We’ll find a way to offer up the night tonight
The indescribable moments of your life tonight
The impossible is possible tonight
Believe in me as I believe in you tonight
As the final line played, I found myself staring out of a rainy car window.
"The gray skies make the gray of the car interior look lighter than snow. The drops are heavy and the windshield wipers are rapidly moving across the car. I'm passing over a bridge and I can see downtown…"
I turned my head toward Frank.
"Oh, it's seriously amazing, Fra— Oh my God!"
And then everything went back to black. The car jolted forward then back as we came to a complete stop.