You Call it Misery, I'll Call it Love
Fear
Two weeks has passed since my dad was arrested. I spent three days in the hospital, recovering from the abuse I suffered. Darren has with me through it all. He has been a trooper, spending all day and all night by my bedside. We haven’t talked about the situation together at all. He knows that I want to keep it private and I appreciate that. I only had to talk to the police once after being interrogated. They told me that they had him in custody and wanted me to answer a few more questions. I answered them to the best of my ability. They have left me alone since.
I was appointed a lawyer by the court two days ago. He told me that he knew everything about my case and he had no questions for me, although, we did talk for a few hours about the legal process. He told me that the case would go to trial and that I might have to testify. This scares me. I know that it will help my case, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to testify against my own father. As scared as I am, I realize that this will help to serve me the justice that I deserve.
Today, I’m sitting with my court appointed lawyer in the center of a courtroom for the arraignment hearing for my father. I’m nervous. I feel my teeth clacking together. I’m shivering with nerves. I anxiously bite my fingernails and look around the courtroom. I see the judge’s table, the witness stand and a bench for the jury. The jury isn’t here today, thank god. They tell me that they will be selected the day before the trial begins.
A side door opens and two jail guards lead my dad through. He looks furious in his orange jumpsuit. He is shackled with a chain around his waist, holding his hands handcuffed out in front of him and two handcuffs linked together at his feet. I’m so scared that I keep looking at him. My lawyer places a calming hand on my arm. I look at him with a worried glance and he nods and gives me a sympathetic smile. I look back over at the door, thinking that it will close. It doesn’t. Instead, my mother is lead out next, shackled just as my father, except she’s wearing a blue jumpsuit.
What the hell? She didn’t abuse me! Why has she been arrested? I think to myself.
I then see my sister being lead through. She’s wearing ordinary clothes, but she is handcuffed. I turn around and see her husband sitting behind me. He sees me and nods. I’m totally confused.
What in God’s name is going on here? Why is my entire family shackled? I thought this was the arraignment for my father! Not my mother and sister.
“All rise!” A court officer announces. “Judge Thomas Garrison has entered the courtroom, you may now be seated!”
Everyone stands and then sits down again. The judge enters and takes his bench.
“Arraignment hearing for the state of New York vs. Ron Atwood, Susan Atwood and Jessica Delahany,” the judge says aloud. “Charges against Ron Atwood are, child abuse, sexual assault on a minor, resisting arrest, and assault and battery. Bail set at $1 million. Charges against Susan Atwood, accessory to child abuse, resisting arrest and assault against an officer. Bail set at $120,000. Charges against Jessica Delahany, accessory to child abuse, resisting arrest and assault against an officer. Bail set at $120,000. Trial date set for May 23, continued. Court adjourned.”
The judge then left the room quickly and my family is lead out of the room before they can even think of saying anything to me. I look at my lawyer, relieved, but also shocked. I feel a tap on the shoulder and look back to see Cody, Jess’s husband, standing right behind me. He smiles and looks at me sympathetically. I return his smile.
I see Darren and Tess sitting the back of the room, watching me. I eye them and they smile and wave. My lawyer directs me out of the courtroom. We walk down the short aisle and out the double courtroom doors. We continue to walk towards the door that will lead us out of the courthouse. Right when we open up the doors, cameras begin flashing and clicking right in front of my face.
I stand there in shock. I don’t know what to do. I can’t move. I stand there in paralyzing fear.
Who leaked this to the press? Why? Why me? Why can’t this be private?” I hate this. I absolutely hate this!
“Come on Mary Kate,” my lawyer says to me, offering me his arm to hold on to. I take it and practically run at his side. He leads me into a waiting black SUV. He slams the door shut once we are both inside safely.
“What the hell?” I shout.
“Relax, it’s all right. They’re not going to get a peep out of you!” my lawyer tells me. “Just as long as you don’t talk about it!”
“Not a problem! I wanted this to be private, but obviously, that isn’t going to happen!” I cry.
“Sorry, child abuse cases are pretty public these days!”
“God! What am I going to do about school? I’m supposed to graduate in three weeks!” I say.
“Relax! I’ll get you all of your work so you can work on it at home!” he tells me.
“Where am I going to live?” I cry. “My family! They’re all in prison!”
“You’re going to live with either Cody or Tess,” my lawyer says. “They both petitioned for custody of you, you get to decide.”
Shit! Cody petitioned for custody? That’s why he was sitting on my side of the courtroom? God! This is all fucked up!”
“Tess!” I shout. “I hardly know Cody!”
“I know, but he told me that he’d like to speak with you,” my lawyer admits.
“What? He talked to you?” I ask in a panic.
“Yes, but only if you want to,” he tells me.
“I guess I will.”
“All right then. Mary Kate, I know that this is a lot to take in at once, but it will get better, the press will go away eventually and this will all be sorted out,” he tells me.
I say nothing more. I just sit there and cry. It is a lot to take in at once. I don’t understand any of it. Why did it have to blow out of proportion like this? This is not how I wanted it at all.
We drive to my lawyer’s office. Once we’re inside his office, Cody walks in. He looks just as scared as I do, only I am relieved.
“Hey,” he says. “Mary Kate, I’m so sorry for all of this, I really am. If I had only known, I would have done something to stop it.”
Yeah right! I’m not buying it!
“Did she know?” I ask.
“Jess? Yeah, she knew. She did know. She knew about it from the start. She just didn’t say anything about it until I asked. I did try to get her to report it, but she wouldn’t. I’m sorry.”
“She’s an accessory,” my lawyer says.
“Yes,” Cody says. “Are you okay?”
“Not really. I just found out that my entire family is behind bars, I’m sore as all mighty hell and I feel as if my privacy has been invaded!” I shout. “So, no, I’m not okay!”
“I don’t blame you,” he tells me. “Mary Kate, if there’s anything I can do, just let me know. My house is open to you if you need a place to crash. I’m not bailing my wife out of jail. So, she won’t be around. I’m going to file for divorce. It’s absolutely crazy, this whole thing. Your family is too fucked up.”
“Not shit!” I tell him. “I’m going to live with my boyfriend, sorry.”
“Okay then, I’ll see you around,” he says.
“Sounds good. Thanks for being there though,” I say. “It helps that one part of my family still gives a damn.”
“No problem.”
Cody leaves and my lawyer and I are sitting there dumbfounded.
“She knew?” I ask. “God! That little tramp!”
“She broke in the interrogation stage. She told them everything. She knew. She just didn’t say anything because she didn’t want to get abused herself,” my lawyer told me.
“Selfish?”
“I know,” he agrees. The phone rings and he answers it. “Okay, she’ll be right down.” He hangs up the phone and looks at me.
“They’re here?” I ask.
“Yes,” he tells me. “Are you going to be okay?” he asks.
“I’ll be fine,” I tell him. “Can you just get me my work from school so I can graduate in three weeks?” I ask him.
“Yes, I can.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ll see you soon, okay? We’ll talk before the trial begins. I’ll call you.”
“Sounds good. Bye.”
“Take care of yourself, Mary Kate. I mean it.”
“I will,” I say. I stand up and walk out of his office. I head down the stairs and see Tess and Darren sitting in the waiting room. Darren jumps up immediately and runs to my side.
“Are you okay?” he asks in a panic. He wraps his arms around my waist and kisses my cheek softly.
“I’m fine,” I tell him. “I just need a good dose of comfort food.”
“All right, we’ll get you some,” he tells me.
“Come on, Mary Kate, let’s go home,” Tess tells me.
We walk out of the office and head to their car. Darren keeps his arm around my waist and holds me tightly. We drive away and head to their house. The ride is quiet. When we get to their house, Darren and I found ourselves sitting in downstairs in front of the TV, just like we did on our first date. Darren keeps a close eye on me. He doesn’t let me get up to get anything. It’s beginning to annoy me. I hate being treated like this.
“Darren! Stop! I can get the Ben and Jerry’s myself!” I snap at him.
“All right, sorry!” he says. I get up and go to the mini fridge and grab the carton of cookie dough ice cream and sit back down on the couch. He looks at me with a sad face.
“Darren! Stop! I’m fine!” I tell him with anger.
“Okay!” he yells. “God! What’s with you?”
“What’s with me? I’m sick and fucking tired of everyone feeling sorry for me! Yes, I’m upset and hurt and absolutely pissed off about this! But, I’m moving on and I’m going to be fine!” I tell him.
“All right, fine, just chill,” he says. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and I rest my head against his shoulder. He kisses my forehead and then the top of my head. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine,” I tell him, readjusting myself so I am sitting on top of his lap. I wrap my arms around his neck and lean towards his face. I kiss him hard on the lips. He grabs my waist and pushes me back against the couch so he’s on top of me. He caresses my face and holds me close to his chest. I moan as he kisses a trail down my neck. He stops once he gets to my collarbone and looks up at me. We’re both out of breath.
“I love you,” he tells me. “I really do.”
Through all of the shit I’ve been through today, these three words are the best three words I’ve heard all day. I wrap my arms tighter around his neck and let one slide down his side. He kisses me softly on the lips.
“I love you too,” I tell him.
I really do. I love him. I love him for being with me through all of this. He’s the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. I’m never going to let him go.
I was appointed a lawyer by the court two days ago. He told me that he knew everything about my case and he had no questions for me, although, we did talk for a few hours about the legal process. He told me that the case would go to trial and that I might have to testify. This scares me. I know that it will help my case, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to testify against my own father. As scared as I am, I realize that this will help to serve me the justice that I deserve.
Today, I’m sitting with my court appointed lawyer in the center of a courtroom for the arraignment hearing for my father. I’m nervous. I feel my teeth clacking together. I’m shivering with nerves. I anxiously bite my fingernails and look around the courtroom. I see the judge’s table, the witness stand and a bench for the jury. The jury isn’t here today, thank god. They tell me that they will be selected the day before the trial begins.
A side door opens and two jail guards lead my dad through. He looks furious in his orange jumpsuit. He is shackled with a chain around his waist, holding his hands handcuffed out in front of him and two handcuffs linked together at his feet. I’m so scared that I keep looking at him. My lawyer places a calming hand on my arm. I look at him with a worried glance and he nods and gives me a sympathetic smile. I look back over at the door, thinking that it will close. It doesn’t. Instead, my mother is lead out next, shackled just as my father, except she’s wearing a blue jumpsuit.
What the hell? She didn’t abuse me! Why has she been arrested? I think to myself.
I then see my sister being lead through. She’s wearing ordinary clothes, but she is handcuffed. I turn around and see her husband sitting behind me. He sees me and nods. I’m totally confused.
What in God’s name is going on here? Why is my entire family shackled? I thought this was the arraignment for my father! Not my mother and sister.
“All rise!” A court officer announces. “Judge Thomas Garrison has entered the courtroom, you may now be seated!”
Everyone stands and then sits down again. The judge enters and takes his bench.
“Arraignment hearing for the state of New York vs. Ron Atwood, Susan Atwood and Jessica Delahany,” the judge says aloud. “Charges against Ron Atwood are, child abuse, sexual assault on a minor, resisting arrest, and assault and battery. Bail set at $1 million. Charges against Susan Atwood, accessory to child abuse, resisting arrest and assault against an officer. Bail set at $120,000. Charges against Jessica Delahany, accessory to child abuse, resisting arrest and assault against an officer. Bail set at $120,000. Trial date set for May 23, continued. Court adjourned.”
The judge then left the room quickly and my family is lead out of the room before they can even think of saying anything to me. I look at my lawyer, relieved, but also shocked. I feel a tap on the shoulder and look back to see Cody, Jess’s husband, standing right behind me. He smiles and looks at me sympathetically. I return his smile.
I see Darren and Tess sitting the back of the room, watching me. I eye them and they smile and wave. My lawyer directs me out of the courtroom. We walk down the short aisle and out the double courtroom doors. We continue to walk towards the door that will lead us out of the courthouse. Right when we open up the doors, cameras begin flashing and clicking right in front of my face.
I stand there in shock. I don’t know what to do. I can’t move. I stand there in paralyzing fear.
Who leaked this to the press? Why? Why me? Why can’t this be private?” I hate this. I absolutely hate this!
“Come on Mary Kate,” my lawyer says to me, offering me his arm to hold on to. I take it and practically run at his side. He leads me into a waiting black SUV. He slams the door shut once we are both inside safely.
“What the hell?” I shout.
“Relax, it’s all right. They’re not going to get a peep out of you!” my lawyer tells me. “Just as long as you don’t talk about it!”
“Not a problem! I wanted this to be private, but obviously, that isn’t going to happen!” I cry.
“Sorry, child abuse cases are pretty public these days!”
“God! What am I going to do about school? I’m supposed to graduate in three weeks!” I say.
“Relax! I’ll get you all of your work so you can work on it at home!” he tells me.
“Where am I going to live?” I cry. “My family! They’re all in prison!”
“You’re going to live with either Cody or Tess,” my lawyer says. “They both petitioned for custody of you, you get to decide.”
Shit! Cody petitioned for custody? That’s why he was sitting on my side of the courtroom? God! This is all fucked up!”
“Tess!” I shout. “I hardly know Cody!”
“I know, but he told me that he’d like to speak with you,” my lawyer admits.
“What? He talked to you?” I ask in a panic.
“Yes, but only if you want to,” he tells me.
“I guess I will.”
“All right then. Mary Kate, I know that this is a lot to take in at once, but it will get better, the press will go away eventually and this will all be sorted out,” he tells me.
I say nothing more. I just sit there and cry. It is a lot to take in at once. I don’t understand any of it. Why did it have to blow out of proportion like this? This is not how I wanted it at all.
We drive to my lawyer’s office. Once we’re inside his office, Cody walks in. He looks just as scared as I do, only I am relieved.
“Hey,” he says. “Mary Kate, I’m so sorry for all of this, I really am. If I had only known, I would have done something to stop it.”
Yeah right! I’m not buying it!
“Did she know?” I ask.
“Jess? Yeah, she knew. She did know. She knew about it from the start. She just didn’t say anything about it until I asked. I did try to get her to report it, but she wouldn’t. I’m sorry.”
“She’s an accessory,” my lawyer says.
“Yes,” Cody says. “Are you okay?”
“Not really. I just found out that my entire family is behind bars, I’m sore as all mighty hell and I feel as if my privacy has been invaded!” I shout. “So, no, I’m not okay!”
“I don’t blame you,” he tells me. “Mary Kate, if there’s anything I can do, just let me know. My house is open to you if you need a place to crash. I’m not bailing my wife out of jail. So, she won’t be around. I’m going to file for divorce. It’s absolutely crazy, this whole thing. Your family is too fucked up.”
“Not shit!” I tell him. “I’m going to live with my boyfriend, sorry.”
“Okay then, I’ll see you around,” he says.
“Sounds good. Thanks for being there though,” I say. “It helps that one part of my family still gives a damn.”
“No problem.”
Cody leaves and my lawyer and I are sitting there dumbfounded.
“She knew?” I ask. “God! That little tramp!”
“She broke in the interrogation stage. She told them everything. She knew. She just didn’t say anything because she didn’t want to get abused herself,” my lawyer told me.
“Selfish?”
“I know,” he agrees. The phone rings and he answers it. “Okay, she’ll be right down.” He hangs up the phone and looks at me.
“They’re here?” I ask.
“Yes,” he tells me. “Are you going to be okay?” he asks.
“I’ll be fine,” I tell him. “Can you just get me my work from school so I can graduate in three weeks?” I ask him.
“Yes, I can.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ll see you soon, okay? We’ll talk before the trial begins. I’ll call you.”
“Sounds good. Bye.”
“Take care of yourself, Mary Kate. I mean it.”
“I will,” I say. I stand up and walk out of his office. I head down the stairs and see Tess and Darren sitting in the waiting room. Darren jumps up immediately and runs to my side.
“Are you okay?” he asks in a panic. He wraps his arms around my waist and kisses my cheek softly.
“I’m fine,” I tell him. “I just need a good dose of comfort food.”
“All right, we’ll get you some,” he tells me.
“Come on, Mary Kate, let’s go home,” Tess tells me.
We walk out of the office and head to their car. Darren keeps his arm around my waist and holds me tightly. We drive away and head to their house. The ride is quiet. When we get to their house, Darren and I found ourselves sitting in downstairs in front of the TV, just like we did on our first date. Darren keeps a close eye on me. He doesn’t let me get up to get anything. It’s beginning to annoy me. I hate being treated like this.
“Darren! Stop! I can get the Ben and Jerry’s myself!” I snap at him.
“All right, sorry!” he says. I get up and go to the mini fridge and grab the carton of cookie dough ice cream and sit back down on the couch. He looks at me with a sad face.
“Darren! Stop! I’m fine!” I tell him with anger.
“Okay!” he yells. “God! What’s with you?”
“What’s with me? I’m sick and fucking tired of everyone feeling sorry for me! Yes, I’m upset and hurt and absolutely pissed off about this! But, I’m moving on and I’m going to be fine!” I tell him.
“All right, fine, just chill,” he says. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and I rest my head against his shoulder. He kisses my forehead and then the top of my head. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine,” I tell him, readjusting myself so I am sitting on top of his lap. I wrap my arms around his neck and lean towards his face. I kiss him hard on the lips. He grabs my waist and pushes me back against the couch so he’s on top of me. He caresses my face and holds me close to his chest. I moan as he kisses a trail down my neck. He stops once he gets to my collarbone and looks up at me. We’re both out of breath.
“I love you,” he tells me. “I really do.”
Through all of the shit I’ve been through today, these three words are the best three words I’ve heard all day. I wrap my arms tighter around his neck and let one slide down his side. He kisses me softly on the lips.
“I love you too,” I tell him.
I really do. I love him. I love him for being with me through all of this. He’s the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. I’m never going to let him go.
♠ ♠ ♠
Another Chapter! Please Comment! Thanks for Reading!