11:11

I’m still at Alex’s house. I’ve been back in Maryland for over 4 hours and I still haven’t gone home… I called my mom and told her I’d be back before 12, but I’m not so sure that that’s happening. Right now I’m lying with Alex on his bed, just being together.

We talked, but I don’t think we’re done yet. There are probably still some things that we should talk about.

But it’s so weird being in this room with him – lying in bed with him – after 3 months without seeing him and over a month without talking to him. But it’s not weird in an uncomfortable way. I feel like this is where I’m supposed to be.

“It’s 11:11,” Alex tells me, breaking the silence.

I smile and glance over at the alarm clock. He’s right. But I don’t really need to wish for anything anymore.

“I used to wish at 11:11,” I inform him, and he grins.

“Would you believe me if said that I did the same thing?”

“You did?”

“Yeah… I wished that you would come home.”

“I wished that everything would work out…. I guess both our wishes came true.”

He tightens his grip on my waist and kisses me before resting his head on my shoulder.

“I love you.”

“What are we right now?” I ask.

He lifts his head up and looks at me. “I don’t know…”

“Are we… together?”

“I want us to be…”

“Are you sure?”

“What do you mean? Why wouldn’t I be sure?”

I do my best to shrug, but I’m slightly incapable because of our position. “I mean… I know you don’t exactly trust me 100%, but are you sure you want me?”

“Alright,” He says, sitting up, leaving me lying on the bed. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the fact that I cheated on you.”

“Well, I thought we established that!”

“Yes, we did.” I sit up on the bed. “And I swear to God, I won’t do it again. It hurt me so badly and I can’t even imagine how badly it must’ve hurt you. I’m just saying that… I’m asking if you are totally sure that you want to be in a relationship with me. It’s not going to be easy because of what I did. There are going to be trust issues. But I’m willing to work through them if you are.”

I finish on a positive note, somewhat, and stare down at the comforter on his bed. I hear him inhale and then exhale a very short while later. It’s almost as if –

“Are you okay?” I ask, moving over next to him. He’s breathing quickly and it’s making me so nervous.

“Fine,” he says.

“But-”

“The doctor told me my new medication would make me ‘short of breath’ when I get nervous…”

“New medication?”

“For my panic attacks… I had to see a doctor last night.”

“Seriously? Tell me what happened.”

“No, first I want to know if we’re together or not. You’re confusing the hell out of me. Do you want to be? Because I love you and I want you to be my girlfriend,” He tells me with a small smile. “When I go out with you I want to be able to say, ‘Yeah, she’s my girlfriend’.”

I can’t remember him ever saying anything as adorable as what he just said. “That was so cute, Alex. But yeah, I do want to be your girlfriend again… that was my goal of coming back home.”

“Well then, it was accomplished.”

Next thing I know I’m being tackled to the bed by my boyfriend and I couldn’t be happier. Now all I have to do is get Zack and the rest of the boys to like me again.