Don't Judge Me Tomorrow

It’d been two days since the Malibu incident, Joe and I hadn’t spoken. I’ve tried texting him, calling him, leaving him voicemails, I’ve even sent him an e-mail but nothing. I was starting to feel lost and unsure of if what he did for me was the right thing. Maybe I should’ve taken responsibility for my own actions. I was the first one to throw the glass bottle anyway.

Andy hadn’t spoke to Joe either and he was a little concerned too because I told Andy what exactly went on that night. He didn’t say much but he gave me that look that dad would give me when I didn’t something wrong and should make it right. But I don’t know what I should do!

I sat crossed legged on my window seat gazing out the window. My cell phone was placed in front of me; I hoped he would text back. The sun was setting and every time it would it would remind me of Joe. I’ve considered going to his house a few times but I didn’t. I’d turned around as soon as I would reach his street.

That’s when all these thoughts raced through my head: Maybe he isn’t allowed to speak/see me anymore, maybe he moved back to New Jersey, maybe he got sent to some boarding school for all boys. I don’t know! But that’s impossible because I had been texting Nick and Kevin, however, every time I would bring up Joe they would switch the subject on me.

My hands started to shake and my head felt dizzy. I stumbled off the seat and dove to the ground, my hand searched for that vodka bottle. I found it and pulled it tightly to my chest. I unscrewed the bottle and chugged back most of it. It burned my throat and I hated it so much. I need to stop but I couldn’t because tears started to pour down my face. What the fuck is wrong with me? But then Joe’s image popped into my mind and the bottle slowly backed away from my lips.

I stood up and opened the window and threw the bottle outside. It landed in the middle of the road and shattered into millions of little pieces. I screamed and pulled at my hair.

“ROSALINDA!” Andy came rushing through the door. He grabbed a hold of my shoulders to spin me around but I turned and pushed him. I pushed him so hard that he fell back and hit his head on the side table.

My hands flew up to my mouth and I race over to him, “Andy! I’m so sorry!”

“Rosie, its fine.” Andy struggled to get up.

“No! You’re bleeding!” I shouted. “You’re head is bleeding, Andy!”

“Rosie, Rosie. Stop yelling.” Andy hushed me. “What’s going on with you? Why are you crying and screaming?”

“I... I... I don’t know.” I sighed.

“Is it about what happened Friday night?” He asked. “Is it about Joe?”

I didn’t answer. I refused to because if I said yes then all hell would break loose.

“Rosie,” Andy said softly. “Rosie, please tell me. I want to help you.”

I curled up into a ball beside my bed and buried my head in my knees.

“I love him Andy, I love him.” I whispered.

“Who? Joe?”

I nodded, “But now he wouldn’t return my messages or texts. I think I’ve screwed everything up!”

“No you haven’t.”

“How do you know?” I said darkly.

“Because I’m your brother and I know things. “ He paused. “Rosie, you should tell him.”

“What? No!” I stumbled to my feet to stand up.

“You have to, come on, I—"

“I’m not telling him Andy! I can’t, I won’t! Never!” I shouted.

“Rosalinda, lower your voice.”

“Stop calling me Rosalinda, Andre! You aren’t dad and never will be!” I grabbed my green hoodie and raced down the stairs to the front door. I ran out and down the street.

The tears were back and it was like a rushing waterfall. I was a disaster and on the verge of destroying everything that isn’t good to me. I came to the end of the street and turned left and right, I didn’t know which way to turn. Left would be towards the city with the bright lights, right would be only street lights leading to the beach. So I turned right.

I pulled the hoodie over my head and put my hands into the oversized front pocket. I rose up the hood and continued looking down and walking.

I reached the sand and approached the edge of the water. It was cold to my toes but I didn’t alarm me as much as it would usually do. The sun was finally gone and the giant full moon hung above my head with the sparkling little stars, too. I plopped down on the ground and brought up my knees to my chest.

The sobs had stopped echoing which was a good thing. The only noise left was the waved crashing against rocks and the light breeze. Other than that it was completely quite. I wished I had brought my iPod but I will be fine without it, I reckon.

I’m dramatic, I know. But I suppose Andy is right on some levels. Maybe I could consider telling Joe about my sudden feelings towards him but I don’t know. What if this whole stupid Malibu trip has ruined our somewhat friendship? Maybe he never wants to see me again...

“Maybe he just hates me and never wants to talk to me again.” I muttered to myself and sighed.

“That’s impossible.” I was startled. “I could never hate you and never talking to you would probably kill me.”

“Then why haven’t you been returning any of my texts or calls?” I asked Joe in a hurt tone.

“My mom took away my cell and laptop.” He said and came closer to me.

“Oh... wait! How did you know I was here?”

“I didn’t.”

“What?”

Joe took a seat next to me on the ground and gazed out to the water.

“I snuck out and walked to the beach.” He began. “I’m in a lot of shit, I guess you could say. No cell, no laptop, pretty much no freedom except from going to school and straight home. Plus extra chores and other shit.”

In the pit of my stomach I was sick with guilt. I couldn’t believe he had zero freedom for who knows how long!

“Joe I’m so sorry. This isn’t entirely you’re fault. You shouldn’t have bailed me out for my mistakes.” I rushed every single word.

He laughed, “Rosie, you were going to get nailed if I didn’t save your ass.”

“I know but—"

“No buts! It doesn’t matter to me.” Joe shrugged.

“It matters to me!” I shot back. He looked at me with a cocked eyebrow.

“Why?”

“Because... Because it just does, okay?! You took the blame for me when you shouldn’t have! You shouldn’t have saved my fucking ass! It wouldn’t have mattered if I would’ve gotten nailed because my mom sucks at punishments. The worst that would have happened is sending me to Florida to live with my grandparents.” I told him.

“So you lied...”

“Not exactly! I mean yeah, sure I said that I would be dead but that was only because I was fucking scared out of my mind, Joe!” Sobs began to rip through my chest quickly and painfully. “So I’m sorry I lied to you!”

“You’re forgiven.” He said with a confirmed smiled.

I immediately stood up, “No! You’re not supposed to forgive me! You’re supposed to hate my guts and stomp away. Then I’m supposed to call your name all dramatically and run after you but then I can’t catch up because you drive away in your fancy ass car. And then I’m all alone crying my heart out!” I was furious as you can tell.

But Joe just laughed. He just laughed! What the fuck is wrong with this kid?!

“What could possibly be funny, Joe? Huh, what could be so fucking funny?” I asked.

He stood up right in front of me.

“I love making you angry, it looks cute on you.” He chuckled. My eyes widened, looking up at him.

Then I thought back to the first time he ever made me angry: driving home from the beach. Next was when he took my parking spot at school, then crashing into me into the hallway, finding out he’s friends with Andy, telling me that a smile suits me more than a frown, and him driving me to school.

“You think its humorous making me angry?” I took a step back from him.

“Yes, I do. Your cheeks turn a dark shade of pink and your brown eyes go even darker. Your bottom lip turns into a pout and your hands get all shaky.” Joe explained to me.

“And you think that’s cute?” I asked him with an eyebrow raised.

“Yeah, maybe.” He blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. He was nervous again.

I breathed in deeply and closed my eyes.

“Rosie, are you mad?” Joe asked in a soft tone.

I shook my head, “No, I’m not. I’m just... I don’t know.”

“Tell me.” Joe took a hold on my right hand. My eyes shot open.

His eyes were glistened and begged to know what was racing through my mind. Was this the moment where I’m suppose to tell him that I like him a lot, maybe even love? Or was it the wrong moment? But I kept quite because it seemed like my lips were super glued together.

“It’s okay; you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” He dropped my hand and looked down.

“No, no. It’s not that. I just don’t know how to put it into words.” I said honestly.

“Well when you figure out, lemme know.” He gave small smiled and turned his back and began to walk away.

“Wait!” I called, he stopped.

I scurried to Joe and built up courage.

“The thing is Joe, I think I—"

But Joe cut me off. He cut me off with a kiss. A deeply, powerful kiss that struck through my whole body. I wrapped my arms around his neck as his snaked around my waist and brought me closer to his body. I couldn’t believe it.

“I love you.” Joe gasped between a kiss. I pulled away, shocked.

“What?” I asked bluntly.

“I lo—"

“I know what you said I’m just... whoa.” I laughed.

“Whoa?” He chuckled.

“Yeah whoa!”

“And what does whoa mean?”

“Whoa means I love you, in Rosie talk.”