All We Had to Keep Us Safe

(Jade’s P.O.V.)

We drove around the country for a couple of weeks. It was miserable. I barely got to talk to Bob at all because he was sleeping while I was awake and vise versa. We switched cars often. Eventually, though, we got tired of running.

Chloe was sick of it. She constantly complained about being bored all the time. Bob got less social and developed a short temper, so he snapped at me sometimes when we did talk. I started to feel depressed and hopeless.

Every few days we would stop at a hotel to get a good night’s sleep. At the end of the second week, we stopped at a hotel for this reason. We were in Washington.

We’d just put Chloe to bed, and I was ready to go to sleep too. I was the one that had been driving all day. When I got out of the bathroom, Bob was waiting for me. “I know you’re tired, but I want to talk to you for a few seconds,” he said.

I shrugged and sat in a lumpy chair. “Sure. What is it?”

“I think we’ve lost him by now,” he replied gently. “We’re all exhausted. I thin we should try to find a place to stay permanently, or at least for a few weeks. Somewhere we can eat something other than fast food and sleep in a bed every night.”

“I agree,” I said tiredly. “Maybe we could rent a place.”

Bob nodded. “We’ll look tomorrow. You can sleep now. I just wanted to make sure it was okay with you.”

I sighed, saying, “Okay, thanks. You should sleep too. Take advantage of the bed while you have one.”

I don’t remember what he said after that. I was finding it impossible to stay awake. I moved to the bed and let my eyes close.

We found a place rather quickly. It was a little run down house in the Montana wilderness. The owners didn’t do a background check, and they didn’t ask questions. All we had to do was pay a low rent. So a day later we got to the house.

Luckily, there was already furniture, and the house was clean despite how old it was. All we had to do was buy groceries, paper plates, and plastic silverware, and we were good. The house even had a TV in it already, although Chloe preferred the portable DVD player Bob had bought her for the car.

One morning, probably a couple days after we moved into the house, I was cooking breakfast while Bob and I were watching TV. The news had just ended, so he was flipping through the channels. He stopped on a kid’s channel and laughed at the show that was on for babies.

“You won’t let your baby watch this crap, will you?” he asked through laughs.

I guess the exhaustion from out long road trip hadn’t worn off, because I snapped irritably, “It’s not your baby. It’ll be my decision,” without thinking. I was immediately appalled at myself for being so defensive, but I couldn’t take it back.

He looked angry. He stood from his seat at the kitchen table and retorted, “Oh yeah? You’re right. It’s not my baby. Chloe’s not my daughter. And you sure as hell are not my responsibility.”

I blinked and leaned against the counter, feeling shocked and hurt. When I opened my mouth to apologize, he interrupted me.

“No, Jade. I don’t want to hear it from you. You are the most ungrateful person I know. I left my home to protect you and your daughter. You’ve been a horrible friend lately. I know I’m just as bad right now for yelling at you like this.” And he was yelling. And I was scared. So I didn’t speak.

“Look at you!” he exclaimed. “I gave up everything for you! I’m breaking the law! And I get nothing in return. Not a single thing!”

I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I had nothing to give him. “What do you want from me?” I whimpered.

For a second I thought I saw sympathy in his eyes, but then he was furious again, and he continued, “Why does it matter? I’ll never get it! You wouldn’t care. All you care about it Chloe and that baby. His baby,” he spat, disgusted.

I looked at the floor, unable to come up with anything to say back to him.

“When will you ever open your eyes and worry about yourself for once?” he demanded, taking a step towards me. “You’re important too! Are you going to live the rest of your life pining for Mark? Are you going to live alone forever, or did you even consider finding someone who actually loves you back?”

I shifted my weight nervously. I hadn’t really given it much thought.

He narrowed his eyes. “Don’t you see, Jade? I get nothing for trying! After everything I do for you, you don’t even notice me. You don’t even see me!”

“What are you talking about?” I breathed, confused. “Just tell me what you want. I owe you everything. I owe you my life. I’d be happy to give it to you.”

“I doubt it,” he replied darkly, taking another step in my direction.

I was scared. “I don’t get it,” I said. “Really, Bob, I mean it. You’re scaring me.”

He took another step closer. He was in my face now, and I felt like he was being aggressive like Mark. I couldn’t escape. He looked even more furious at my fear. “I wouldn’t ever hurt you!” he yelled, not quite reassuring me. “I would never hit you, no matter how pissed I was. Not even now.”

Despite his words, he grabbed my chin, and I was even more terrified. A short whimper escaped my throat, and I closed my eyes, expecting a blow.

But he never hit me. Instead he kissed me. Although his lips were urgent, he was surprisingly gentle for how worked up he was. I was too surprised to do anything but wait for him to finish.

He put the hand that wasn’t clutching my chin against my back, pushing me into him. I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting. I had to wait for a long time. When he finally let go of me, he whispered into my ear, “I know you don’t love me like I love you, but you do need me, and you won’t leave because of this.”

He pulled away, but I kept my eyes closed.

“I’m sorry,” he continued more softly, but he didn’t sound all that apologetic. “I know I crossed the line, but I couldn’t help myself. That wasn’t quite what I wanted, but it was close enough. I wish you would do it yourself.”

I heard him go to his room. I squeezed my eyes tighter and felt the tears roll down my cheeks. I hadn’t meant to start this by speaking before thinking.