All We Had to Keep Us Safe

I sat on the couch and cried. I smelled breakfast burning, but it seemed unimportant compared to what had just transpired. I felt weak and stupid, and I was angry at myself. If I hadn’t snapped at Bob so quickly, it probably wouldn’t have happened.

But that wouldn’t have changed the fact that he loved me. Of course he loved me. It was so obvious, and I was so stupid and blind for not seeing it. Why else would he want to protect me so much? Why else would he be so jealous of my baby? Why else would he try to act like a father to Chloe?

Maybe it was better now that I knew. He was right about one thing, though. I couldn’t afford to leave him now. And, oddly enough, I wasn’t even mad at him. I knew well that love was something that had a mind of its own and couldn’t be controlled. I just didn’t know what I would say to him now.

I thought if I was lucky I wouldn’t have to say anything. I hoped that he would go back to normal, back to being my best friend, although my hopes were hollow. Something had changed between us, and I knew now that we couldn’t go back to the way things were.

Bob was right about another thing. I didn’t love him like he loved me, but I didn’t think he knew I did love him. Not as much as I’d loved my husband, but my husband didn’t love me anymore. It made me feel good to know that someone cared about me for once. I was tired of caring about everyone else, and not knowing what would happen to me. Bob made me feel like I was more important than I really was, and I didn’t mind.

And I didn’t mind the kiss. At first I had been furious and shocked and confused, but most of that had subsided. Now I just felt relieved. It amazed me how he had been so angry, so intense, so worked up… and he hadn’t hit me. Instead, he had kissed me. And Mark had never kissed me that way. It was like Bob was perfectly content with it even though I just squeezed my eyes shut and waited for him to stop.

Now he had locked himself in his room, and I worried that breakfast would actually catch fire. I sighed and got up to turn off the stove. The pancakes and sausage were charred. I dumped them in the garbage and went to my own room, not having the heart to start over. I sat on the low windowsill and looked out at the forest around our little house. It was so peaceful. I wished we could stay there forever.

I frowned when a bush moved at the edge of the trees, but I figured it was just an animal. Then I got a glimpse of blue fabric, and I knew it wasn’t an animal. That wasn’t good.

I shot into the hall and straight to Bob’s door. I pounded on it with my fist. He didn’t answer. “Bob, open up!” I exclaimed.

“I don’t really want to talk to you right now,” he replied, his voice muffled.

I glanced behind me, fear creeping into my skin. “No, really, this is important. Let me in!” I said urgently.

He ignored me again.

“Please!” I begged. “I was looking out the window. Someone’s outside the house. I’m scared. Let me in!”

After another short pause, the door opened. Bob looked ragged and upset, but I saw that he was at least listening now. “Are you sure?” he pressed, his blue eyes holding mine in a businesslike manner.

“Yes, I’m sure!” I was really scared now. “There’s no car in the driveway.”

“It’s someone that doesn’t want to be seen or heard, then,” Bob replied. Although it was unspoken, we both knew who he meant. He meant it was probably Mark.

“What do we do?” I asked desperately.

He glanced down the hall, asking, “Is Chloe in her room?”

“Yeah,” I answered. “She’s still sleeping.”

“Wake her up and tell her to be quiet,” he instructed. “You two need to hide somewhere he won’t look for you first. How about the pantry?” Without waiting for me to answer, he urged, “Go now. Hurry!”

The need to protect Chloe was strong, but… “What are you going to do?”

He frowned before replying, “I’m going to try to get rid of him… for good so that we don’t have to run anymore. But it’ll be easier if you and Chloe aren’t around. Hurry up before he comes in and sees you.”

I looked up at him worriedly, scared to death for him, not for myself. “Please be careful,” I pleaded.

He ignored me and started pushing me towards Chloe’s room. He didn’t have to push me for long. I started running after a couple of steps. She was sleeping peacefully with Nala, her stuffed lion, securely in her arms. In any other circumstance I would’ve smiled.

But this time I scooped her up and started running out of the room. As I stumbled down the stairs, she whined sleepily, “Mommy…”

“Shh, Chloe, listen. I know you just woke up. I’m sorry. We have to hide We’re… playing hide and seek. Bob is it. Be quiet,” I commanded. I threw open the pantry door and stepped inside. When I closed it behind us, only a little bit of light seeped through the crack underneath the door. I sat down in a corner with Chloe on my lap.

I heard Bob’s footsteps in his room before I heard him descend the stairs. The doors were locked. We always locked them just in case. The windows were closed and locked because it was supposed to rain later on in the day. In order for Mark to get in, he would have to break a window or break down a door.

Bob was in the family room. I assumed he had a weapon of some kind that he planned to use if he was waiting out in the open like that. Maybe he’s invested in a gun of his own, or maybe he was crazy enough to put his trust in a pocket knife. I had no idea what to think.

Chloe sat quietly on my lap. I put my hand over her mouth to keep her quiet. She was shaking violently. She knew we weren’t playing an innocent game of hide and seek. She was almost as scared as I was.

There was a long, deathly silence that hung in the air like a heavy mist. It made every second that passed more and more intense. And then there was the sound of shattering glass.