All We Had to Keep Us Safe

(Jade’s P.O.V.)

I held one of Chloe’s ears to my chest and pressed on hand against her other ear. I used my free hand to cover her mouth and keep her quiet. As I crouched in the pantry, my legs started to hurt. Silent tears streamed down both of our faces.

I listened as Bob threatened to shoot Mark. When he replied confidently, “You won’t shoot me,” I shivered. I was afraid of him.

Then Mark accused Bob of stealing me. I heard the bitterness in Bob’s voice when he spat back, “Hardly. Believe me, she’s totally faithful to you.” I knew he didn’t want it that way.

Then Mark accused Bob of sleeping with me. I felt even worse, because I could tell by the way Bob replied that he wished Mark was right. They argued some more.

The gunshot rang out, and I knew Chloe heard it, because she jumped. It was followed by the sickening sound of tearing flesh and a thump. I heard one of them gasp. Dread overwhelmed me. One of them was hurt. I didn’t want Bob to be hurt.

I didn’t have much time to think before I heard the horrible sound of something penetrating someone’s flesh again. I cringed. And for the next few minutes, all I heard was silence, and it terrified me. I didn’t know if they were dead or not, but I was too afraid to go out and check. What if Bob was down and Mark was trying to find us?

“Jade,” Bob’s pained voice said. “It’s over. Cover her eyes. Close your eyes. You can come out. Find your way to the stairs, and then you can open your eyes. Take Chloe to her room. Then you can come back down.”

I loosened my grip on my daughter immediately. Bob was alive, and it was okay to come out of our hiding place. “It’s alright,” I whispered to her soothingly. “Close your eyes. It’ll be okay now. I’m going to take you to your room.” She obeyed me without question, and I squeezed my eyes shut. With luck, she wouldn’t remember any of this after a few years.

I opened the door and felt my way to the stairs. I laid Chloe on her bed, and she didn’t move. She only clutched Nala to her chest and shook. I didn’t want to leave her, but I needed to go see what had happened.

There was blood everywhere, and in the biggest pool lay my husband. I cried out and ran to him, falling to the ground at his side. It was hard to see his face through my tears, but I tried.

I touched my husbands face and kissed him one last time, because I knew I could finally let go of the man I used to love. He had changed, and I couldn’t love him anymore. I was ready to move on. I needed to be ready to move on. Bob was waiting for me. Bob…

“Fuck you, Jade. “Bob’s voice was hard and layered in unfathomable levels of pain. I looked up and saw, to my horror, that he was bleeding too.

He was pissed at me because I hadn’t seemed to care at all about him. “Go to hell,” he spat, confirming my suspicions.

I opened my mouth to tell him I was sorry. I did care, but I was just too overwhelmed to notice he was hurt. I’d thought he was okay. I hadn’t seen that he was wounded. But before I could speak, his eyes closed and his head fell back.

I whimpered and went to him, not worried about my dead husband anymore. All that mattered now was Bob. And I didn’t want him to die. “Bob!” I exclaimed, but he didn’t answer. I took his cheeks in my hands, but he didn’t respond.

Without hesitation, I called 911. Now that Mark was dead, I wasn’t afraid of the police. And I knew Bob would die if he didn’t get medical attention. I would’ve called even if it meant life in prison for me.

After ambulances were on their way, I took a towel. Laying him on the floor, I pressed it to his shoulder, trying to stop as much bleeding as I could. I guessed he’d passed out from loss of blood.

The paramedics found me crying over Bob’s motionless body. They didn’t ask what had happened. I barely remember what went on after that, but I didn’t let Bob leave my sight until we were in the hospital and they pulled me away from him and forced me to a waiting room.

********************

I awoke to someone lightly shaking me. I groaned and opened my eyes. My neck was stiff from sleeping on the plastic hospital chair. Chloe was curled up in the chair next to me, looking as peaceful as ever. I blinked and glanced around, searching for the source of the shake that had brought me to consciousness.

It was as nurse. “He’s awake now,” she told me, looking sheepish. “He implied that he didn’t want you… didn’t particularly want any visitors, but if you want to go in…”

I stood and said shortly, “Thanks.” The nurse nodded and walked off.

When I opened the door and stepped into Bob’s hospital room, he didn’t even glance at me. He stared straight at the wall. “Go away,” he said weakly.

I strode across the room to the side of his bed determinedly. “No,” I retorted. His arm was in a sling, and he looked paler than usual. “Is there permanent damage to your arm?”

“No,” he shot back at me. “My freaking arm is perfectly fine. They say I’ll be back to normal in a few weeks. But I know they’re wrong. Everything’s different now.”

I sat on the bed next to him, and I knew it made it hard for him not to look at me. “I know,” I said softly. “But I think different can be good.” I put my hand on top of his.

After taking a long, deep breath to delay, he pulled his hand away. “I said to go away. Leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to you.”

I sighed, saying, “I’m not going away until you let me explain.”

He set his jaw and continued to look straight ahead, deciding to ignore me altogether.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized with all my heart. “I didn’t see that you were hurt. I assumed you were okay since Mark was… since he was dead. I didn’t even know you were watching. If I had, I wouldn’t have…” I trailed off, temporarily at a loss for words.

“Go away,” he whispered quietly, closing his eyes and turning his head away. He didn’t sound very convincing.

“No,” I refused forcefully, grabbing his hand this time. I saw him wince with internal pain. “You were right, okay? I don’t love you as much as you love me, but I do love you. And I’ll love you more if you give me some more time to get used to it. I know you’ve waited a long time already and its not fair to ask for more time, but I don’t know what else to do. All I know is that I don’t want you to leave me. I don’t want to live without you. I want to live with you. And I want you to be like a father to my kids.”

This got his attention, and he turned to me at last, his blue eyes cutting into me like shards of glass. “I want to believe you,” he admitted, “but I don’t know if I can.”

“You have to,” I pleaded desperately. “Please! I’ve only ever lied to you once, and it was the worst thing I’ve ever done.”

He didn’t speak. He just kept staring at me with his piercing eyes.

I leaned down and kissed his cheek. “You have to believe me. You said I should think of my own future for once. So I want it to include you, as more than my best friend.”

He brought my hand to his lips and kissed my fingers. “Okay,” he said in a quiet voice. “I believe you. When I get better and we settle things with the police, we’ll go back to Chicago together.”

I smiled at him. “That sounds great,” I muttered. “I hope you get better soon.”