All We Had to Keep Us Safe

As I washed out my cut and bandaged it, Chloe watched me, waiting. I knew I’d been lying to myself. There was no doubt in my mind that I still loved Mark with all my heart, but he didn’t love me back with all his heart. If he did, he wasn’t showing it in the right way.

I felt tears forming, but I blinked them away, not wanting to cry anymore in front of my daughter. Chloe… Every day she stayed in this house she was in more and more danger. I couldn’t deny it anymore. My husband was not safe for her, and she needed to grow up with at least one of her parents. That made it my responsibility to take her.

Bob had been right all along. I wasn’t looking forward to admitting it, especially after the awful things I said to him, but I knew I had to call him. I needed his help more than ever. I could only hope he was willing to give it to me. Well, he’d still been texting me every day to ask if I was alright.

Chloe sat quietly while I called Bob. She knew what I was doing. Bob didn’t answer as quickly as usual, but in the end, he did. “Hello, Jade,” he said stiffly.

“Bob, I’m so sorry about all the horrible things I said to you,” I apologized sincerely.

He paused for a second, thinking of what to say. “I forgive you. I put you on the defensive side.”

“But you’re still upset,” I finished for him. I’d heard the way he was trying to compose his voice and control what he said.

“It’s not something easily forgotten,” was his reply.

I bit my lip. “I’m sorry. I need your help.”

“Do you?” he asked. “Is it going to be the same as before? I come and help you, and then you fall back into your imaginary perfect world again, completely ignoring me because your husband is so controlling?

I started, “No, Bob, this time –”

“What did he do this time?” he interrupted condescendingly. “ No doubt he hit you, but afterward he was all lovey-dovey and said he was sorry, that he loved you, and that he wasn’t ever going to get pissed at you again? How many times has that happened, Jade?” he demanded. “How many times has he broken that promise?”

I was silent.

“What did he do this time?” he pressed.

“He punched me in the eye. Right in front of Chloe,” I admitted openly.

“Did he, now?” Bob asked mockingly, but his sarcasm was marred by his new concern for me. “Didn’t I tell you he’d hit you in front of her?”

“Yes,” I whispered, feeling like a child ashamed of some crime. “You did tell me that. You were right.”

“And what do you need me for?” he asked sharply. “To be your chauffeur to the hospital? Aren’t you just going to use me again? I know I said I’d always be here for you, but don’t you think I’ll get sick of this on-and-off crap? Don’t you think I’ll walk away eventually?”

“I’m surprised you haven’t already,” I admitted.

“Why did he do it this time?” Bob was basically ignoring me.

“He saw that I’ve called you, and he told me not to,” I said.

“I can’t believe he tracks your calls!” he exclaimed. “Do you know how controlling that is? And if he tracks your calls, why are you talking to me on the phone now?”

“Because this time is different. I don’t need you to drive me somewhere. I’m asking something much bigger. This time I can’t ignore your advice. You want to know how many times he’d broken his promise not to hit me again?”

“How many?” he inquired slightly warily.

“Too many,” I said confidently. “One too many. So are you going to come over and talk to me in person and be my friend, or are you going to ditch me for good?”

Bob’s voice was suddenly soft. “I’m already on your street,” he whispered. “I left my house as soon as I saw it was you calling.”

I fought to maintain my tough attitude at first, but I was so touched it was impossible. Even though he had still been upset with me, he’d committed himself to coming over no matter what I wanted. “Well, come in, then,” I retorted. More gently, I added, “I don’t deserve a friend like you.”

“And yet you have one,” he pointed out, hanging up. Seconds later, he walked through the front door. Chloe was not quite as excited to see him as she would have been weeks before. It was probably because she associated him with her father’s anger.

After greeting her, Bob came directly to me. He peeled away the bandage on my eye and winced. “Jade, you need to put ice on this. It’s just going to keep on swelling,” he warned.

“It can wait a little bit,” I snapped. I looked down at Chloe. She shouldn’t hear everything I had to tell him. “Sweetie, why don’t you watch a movie?” I suggested. “Then Bob and I will play whatever game you want with you.”

“Okay,” she agreed, knowing this was the best deal she was going to get. We set her up with a movie in her bedroom, and then I took Bob to the family room.

He sighed loudly. “What are you going to do, Jade?” he asked.

I looked away from him. “I have absolutely no idea,” I told him. “I only know I can’t stay here any longer.”

“You should file for divorce,” he said very gently. “With all the proof of his abuse, it shouldn’t be hard to get full custody of Chloe.”

“No,” I said quickly, panicky. “I can’t go to the police. I have to do something, but not that.”

He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Why not?” he asked. “What else can you do?”

I met his eyes pleadingly. “That’s why I need your help. I don’t know what to do. I just know I can’t go to the police.”

Bob held my gaze steadily. “Why not?” he repeated. I can’t help you if I don’t know.”

I took a deep breath. In the back of my mind, I’d known I would have to tell him. Part of me even wanted to be completely honest with someone other than Mark, but part of me was terrified. I’d told Mark what I did, and look where it had left me: in a completely helpless situation.