When Will The Tide Turn
Layla Can't Tell If This Is Hell
Layla had managed to surpass Saturday with minimal scarring. Right as Layla watched the clock tick twelve a.m. she remembered that she had her cousins confirmation to attend to Sunday, which was tectonically today. Layla was not looking forward to this; she had not set foot in a church since she was five years old, and even then she never understood church. How is it even possible to believe in some floating all mighty man up in the sky. Looking down at you, seeing all of your flaws (sins) still love you and end up sending you to Hell. Also Layla wondered if any sane person had ever taken a good look at the Bible before, you could spot the loop holes a mile away. Layla's list of why she didn't agree with religion could be light years long.
Layla was able to stay up that night so there were once again no nightmares, but she worried about how long that would last. So early that morning the whole family got ready for church, fought a bit, and left forgetting Layla's cousin(Shawn)'s present. When they finally got there Layla was disturbed to see all of the committed families to the community church, all chummy with each other, and everybody was talking about small town gossip. That is when she wandered, 'Isn't fowl talk a sin?'
Most of the ceremony was just regular Sunday mass. Then all of the confirmations gave a small speech, one of which included a comparison between life and the Kentucky Derby, and got "blessed". That was all, of course there was a lot of prayer in between. It bothered Layla to see that everybody new these prayers as if it were mandatory, including her own family. Layla wanted to know the hymns, the motions, when to stand and be seated, but it was all just so confusing. Layla had always wanted a religion, always craved some criteria to believe in. Something that offered more than what this world could offer. Half way through Layla was barley holding back the tears she wanted to cry because of how unwelcome she felt.
In the reception area Layla stood out of the way in the corner as everyone mingled as if they were all biologically related. She was holding onto Adrian's hand with her left, Seth's with her right, and Pardon had an arm protectively around her shoulders. They were holding on to her as if she were a small and confused four year old, and that is exactly how she felt so it fit perfectly. As Layla stood there she watched the loving people around her talk religion like it was the easiest thing to understand and immerse yourself in.
She must have looked out of place because one of the male confirmation students only a year or two years older than her came up to her and gave her a very friendly, "Hello." It was not the church student who talked about the Kentucky Derby. "Hi," she returned quiet and shyly, he almost didn't hear her. "I am Dylan, are you new here I don't recognize you." "I am Shawn's cousin, I came with my family," Layla replied embarrass to even be standing there. She felt as if she were trespassing on someone else's property. "Oh I should have known, you look alike. Hair and eye color I mean," he answered with a grin. "So what church do you usually go to?" A sucker punch right into the gut.
Layla luckily did not get to state her pathetically truthful reply, her mother harshly called her over that it was time to leave. Layla most have jumped three feet into the air, Dylan looked at her with a very concerned gaze. One that Layla did not notice because she was too busy following orders, her mother gave her the chills when she used that tone of voice. So she left with her family wishing that she had had time to talk to Dylan more, he seemed nice and she wanted to have a better understanding of religion.
When Layla got home she ran straight down into her room. Her parents had gotten into a fight on the way home. By now it was well passed eight p.m., her cousins lived far away. Inspired by inspirational belief Layla wrote. 'Am I doomed for Hell? Please let me know because I just can't tell. There used to be a light at the end of the tunnel. Now it is gone and with it hope disappeared. It is just like I feared. I wish for something to believe in, something that offers more. More than what this world hands you, something that is said to only exist in lore. Is this Hell? Please let me know because I can not tell.'
Layla was able to stay up that night so there were once again no nightmares, but she worried about how long that would last. So early that morning the whole family got ready for church, fought a bit, and left forgetting Layla's cousin(Shawn)'s present. When they finally got there Layla was disturbed to see all of the committed families to the community church, all chummy with each other, and everybody was talking about small town gossip. That is when she wandered, 'Isn't fowl talk a sin?'
Most of the ceremony was just regular Sunday mass. Then all of the confirmations gave a small speech, one of which included a comparison between life and the Kentucky Derby, and got "blessed". That was all, of course there was a lot of prayer in between. It bothered Layla to see that everybody new these prayers as if it were mandatory, including her own family. Layla wanted to know the hymns, the motions, when to stand and be seated, but it was all just so confusing. Layla had always wanted a religion, always craved some criteria to believe in. Something that offered more than what this world could offer. Half way through Layla was barley holding back the tears she wanted to cry because of how unwelcome she felt.
In the reception area Layla stood out of the way in the corner as everyone mingled as if they were all biologically related. She was holding onto Adrian's hand with her left, Seth's with her right, and Pardon had an arm protectively around her shoulders. They were holding on to her as if she were a small and confused four year old, and that is exactly how she felt so it fit perfectly. As Layla stood there she watched the loving people around her talk religion like it was the easiest thing to understand and immerse yourself in.
She must have looked out of place because one of the male confirmation students only a year or two years older than her came up to her and gave her a very friendly, "Hello." It was not the church student who talked about the Kentucky Derby. "Hi," she returned quiet and shyly, he almost didn't hear her. "I am Dylan, are you new here I don't recognize you." "I am Shawn's cousin, I came with my family," Layla replied embarrass to even be standing there. She felt as if she were trespassing on someone else's property. "Oh I should have known, you look alike. Hair and eye color I mean," he answered with a grin. "So what church do you usually go to?" A sucker punch right into the gut.
Layla luckily did not get to state her pathetically truthful reply, her mother harshly called her over that it was time to leave. Layla most have jumped three feet into the air, Dylan looked at her with a very concerned gaze. One that Layla did not notice because she was too busy following orders, her mother gave her the chills when she used that tone of voice. So she left with her family wishing that she had had time to talk to Dylan more, he seemed nice and she wanted to have a better understanding of religion.
When Layla got home she ran straight down into her room. Her parents had gotten into a fight on the way home. By now it was well passed eight p.m., her cousins lived far away. Inspired by inspirational belief Layla wrote. 'Am I doomed for Hell? Please let me know because I just can't tell. There used to be a light at the end of the tunnel. Now it is gone and with it hope disappeared. It is just like I feared. I wish for something to believe in, something that offers more. More than what this world hands you, something that is said to only exist in lore. Is this Hell? Please let me know because I can not tell.'