Fake

I cant really say after the first time i didn’t have the intent to do it again. I mean, i kept the razor, right? I didn’t really think about it. I went to school as if nothing had happened. Nothing at all.

I got questioned by my friends, of course., cause Shelby has a way of flaunting her wrong doing as if she were some major celebrity and everybody gave a shit. But i had said nothing about my special friend. I was happier than i was before, which confused a lot of people. That confused them all beyond repair.

Not long after though, something just had to break through my temporary high. I had always been a good student. Not great, but i was okay. My grades had been slipping though. I had my reasons, or excuses, of course. My best friend Tonie had left me to go to a school nearby. My sister, who was a new mother, was apparently dying,

I was young, and totally alone. My mother hated me. My father had been non existent for a year or so now. I was depressed, if that’s what you would call it. and I had no one. I want a very popular girl. I was the little Goth girl, as they put it. I normally got along with people, But most never gave me the time of day to notice that i wasn’t the wretch they were making me off to be.

So, of course, i needed my new found friend. I went home, and after getting screamed at and got the hell beat outta me by my flamboyant mother, i was back in depression, and i needed a release.

I went to my sparkling friend. It was as if it was calling to me. I turned my music all the way up, and it wasn’t like the first time i had cut myself and it beaded and throbbed. It dribbled, then ran down my arm and circled in my hand. The only thought i had was why blood had to get cold so fast. I reached happy again. I felt uplifted from the dark i was sinking in. held up in grace from the shadows. I had never been so relieved in my life. I finally had something in my life that would never leave me, and made me happy. I could make all pain go away with the flick of a wrist, sort of speak.

The need for my friend became more frequent. My mother was getting more angry. A new school year was starting. It was the beginning of the shaping of my life as i knew it. I got sad, or felt low, my friend made it go away.

Tonie and i had gotten close again. I started to feel happier without my hidden friend again. Not that i didn’t do it anymore, it just became less frequent. Slowly, Tonie found out. I couldn’t keep it from her forever. She didn’t understand it at the time. It was the summer leading up to eighth grade, and we had known each other since 5th. I had to just tell her. she was my sister, after all.

We left the subject alone. she didn’t know how to help anyway. But that summer, my life was determined. My life had a platform. I found my musical muse.

The one mans who lyrics could take my breath away, and it had changed me for good.