Lie Like You Mean It

“I know you know where he went, Mina.” I said. Zero had run off earlier that day. To be honest, I wanted to know where he went, but not for personal reasons. Because he was himself, I was sure he was up to something he shouldn’t be and I didn’t want that to cause problems for my parents.

“Trust me; he’s not doing anything bad.” She said, not looking up at me from her laptop. I admire her for sticking up for that guy, but I knew she was lying.

“Tell me where he is.” I demanded, biting my lip. This wasn’t like me – I didn’t order people to tell me things. I was too shy for that. She sighed heavily and then peered at me from her seat.

“Listen, he. Is. Fine.” She stated, staring me in the eyes.

“Who said it was him I was concerned about?” I spat back at her.

“It’s okay to care about my brother, you know.” She said a bit sadly. That made me feel bad about saying that.

“I’m sorry I just-”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. Really. But it surprises me that he’s nice to you.” She said, smiling back up at me.

“Th-that’s just because we live together, right?” I asked nervously, afraid of what might come of this conversation. What if something slipped like that night after the party? But her shoulders dropped and she turned back to the lit screen of her laptop, evidently frowning. She kept the nagging silence up before finally saying,

“Yeah… Yeah, I guess you’re right…” What was with that hesitancy? Was she really not sure about that?
Did Zero tell her something? She couldn’t have known could she? Zero wouldn’t tell her that, I don’t think.
I wanted her to be as oblivious as I thought she was. I hoped for that. I felt sick just imagining her knowing.

It was a scary thought really. Because, on one hand, I didn’t know Mina too well and on another, she could be homophobic and tell my parents. And, well, I was pretty sure my parents had nothing against gays, but I knew they wouldn’t want such a difficult lifestyle for me. They cared way too much to just let me be scrutinized by the public
.
“Hey…” She mumbled from her computer, turning back to glance up at me from behind the reading glasses she had on. The ones she only wore when it was necessary. She shut her eyes tight and then reopened them as if she were strengthening a resolve to ask me something. “You don’t… hate my brother, do you?” She asked, her teeth clamping down over her lip.

Again, I couldn’t say ‘yes, I hate him, yes I hate him because he forces me to commence these acts with him’ or ‘I hate his guts because he’s bi-polar or some shit and everything he says makes no sense, he never gives me a straight answer, he doesn’t explain himself’. As much as hating him could be justified, I couldn’t. Something told me I couldn’t blame him, that I couldn’t say it was his fault.

“No, I don’t. Why?” I tacked on, hoping to lead her into telling me anything Zero might have told her.

“Really? I mean, I know he’s hard to get close to, and easy to hate-”

Tell me about it I thought.

“-so I can understand if you don’t like him.” She paused and took her glasses off, giving me a better look at the hazel eyes that belonged to Zero. “But I’m glad you don’t hate him.”

She leaned back in her squeaking computer chair and stretched her arms into the air before resting them on her lap again. She averted her eyes from mine. “He’s at the house where the party was.” She whispered softly enough so that I almost didn’t catch it. Plus the fact that I had no idea she was actually going to tell me where he went.

“You said he wasn’t doing anything bad!” I yelled back at her. She didn’t flinch; it was more like she was expecting it. I knew what he was after over there – revenge.

“You can walk there; it’s not too far away.” She said expectantly, knowing I was going to ask for directions there anyways. “You know where the supermarket is? It’s the ugly green house across the street from it.” She laughed. “Now get going! Save my brother from getting in trouble.”

I rolled my eyes and went back into my room, fishing out the heavy winter coat from my closet as well as my scarf, gloves and a hat.

Outside it was only about ten degrees. Shakily, I made my way through the light layer of freshly fallen snow on the sidewalks as the supermarket came into view. I scanned the area for the ugly green house Mina described and waited for traffic to halt, offering me time to cross the street.
I looked around awkwardly as I stood at their door and then hastily rang the bell before I could run away from the impending social situation. I mean, it wasn’t like I could say, ‘Hey, you know that maniac at your party? Yeah, we need him back.’

“I don’t… fucking intent was…” A muffled voice came through the wooden door. It wasn’t great quality, but I knew it was Zero and he sounded pissed. “…sick he was?”

After three minutes of the one-sided argument combined with no one answering the door, I decided to attempt opening it; hoping it was unlocked. I slumped my shoulders as it wouldn’t budge and proceeded to think of another course of action.

“Zero! Zero open up, you jackass!” I screamed into the door while jolting the handle back and forth. Something clicked and the door opened and I toppled over onto the rug inside with an audible ‘omph’.

“Nicolas…” I heard the soft whisper that regarded me make its way out of his mouth.

“I told you! I didn’t fucking mean to put it in his drink!” The boy shouted as Zero grabbed my arms, easing me up to my feet. I stiffened as Zero pulled my tightly and protectively into his arms, crushing me against his chest. All of my screams on protest were muffled by the material of his shirt. I struggled a bit, trying to wiggle my way out of his grip.

“Don’t even fucking look at the boy you nearly killed.” He growled, obscuring me from view by wrapping the coat around my body as I was pressed into his chest to enable the material to wrap around my figure. “Tell him, tell him how fucking wrong that was to use a drug on you – or any other person.” He whispered into my ear, making me shudder and try to shrink out of his grasp. But he was right. Even if that drug had been used on that girl – something bad would’ve happened.

“What you did wasn’t right.” I mumbled, wishing this embarrassing situation would go away.

“You fucking hear that? Pull that shit again and you’ll be looking at a physical fight. You’re lucky Nicolas showed up; he just saved your ass.” He hissed and then pulled me out the door, still under his coat.
I shuddered at the cold and I was finally released from his coat.

“Why did you go there!?” I asked as soon as I could.

“He hurt you.” He stated simply, not looking over at me. But I could see the venom in his hazel eyes. Maybe he didn’t want to look at me with that toxicity.

“What were you thinking?! What if he called the cops on you?”

“I was… thinking about you.” He halted in his walking and grabbed me, twirling me to face him. “I’m not kidding! I realized how sick that made you and I couldn’t sit around and let that guy get away with it! Okay?” He paused and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Something’s wrong with me.”

“No shit?” I said, agreeing. “I don’t care – I’m just a replacement for you aren’t I?” I continued walking, knowing that he’d quickly follow after, trailing me until I told him what I meant. I knew I’d regret that.
I was right about that because a fist enclosed over my coat, making me stop.

“What are you talking about?” He asked. I was too afraid to look at his face. I didn’t want to see what expression awaited me in his eyes.

“You said I made you remember someone!” I yelled back as my feet automatically carried me forward.

“I said you make me remember. Not remember someone. Who the hell would you make me remember? You know me well enough to know that I don’t like people.” He had a point there.

“What do I make you remember?” I asked carefully, hoping I wasn’t hitting one of his many psychological landmines. But I wanted to know now. I really did.

“I don’t want you tell you.” He said. Then he glanced over at me thoughtfully, giving me a cringing, sinking feeling in my stomach. “Unless you kiss me.”

I froze on the sidewalk. Were his secrets really worth giving up my pride (or whatever I had left of it)? But I wanted to know this. Maybe then I could figure out why he did the things he did to me. I gritted my teeth and looked away from him.

“Not in public.”

“Mina’ll ask too many questions when we get home.” Before I could let out an argumentative word, he grabbed my wrist and led me behind the supermarket.

“You’re too tall.” I growled – trying to find an escape or an excuse. Then he bent to my eye level.

“Better?”

I shut my eyes tight and swallowed to keep back the odd nagging feeling in my stomach. I half-opened my eyes to find Zero staring back at me anxiously.
I let my gloved hands wander to the sides of his face, holding him in place (as if he’d have moved). But then he took hold on my hands and stripped them of the fabric that guarded them against the icy wind. I shivered at the sudden contact. I continued placing my hands onto his cheeks and fought myself not to yank them back as he leaned into the touch, letting his eyes flutter shut. His cheeks were hot under my palms and that helped a little with the frosty atmosphere. Hesitantly, I leaned towards him, pushing back the sirens in my head to not do it. My own eyes started closing as I could feel his breath on me.

“Hurry up; my back’s starting to hurt.” He said, forcing my eyes to pop open. My hands left his face and were pushed into my pockets.

“Screw it – you ruined it.” I said, trying to make him feel bad for wrecking it for himself. He stood up straight and bent backwards, popping his back. I cringed lightly at the noise.

“It’s fine; I didn’t want to tell you anyways.” He spat back, avoiding my eyes as he started back on his path home, with me following behind him. For some reason, I felt like I was the one who lost the most by refusing.

All because I wanted to know more about the guy who was fucking torturing me.