Lie Like You Mean It

“You’re doing it wrong.” I announced to Zero while he was playing to fighting game again on Sunday. But I spoke too late and his fighter was already on the ground with a KO on the screen.

“God damn it! If you’re so great, then show me how!” He yelled, throwing the blue controller at me. I sighed and proceeded to pick it up.

“Okay, this guy’s quick, so you don’t want to waste your time putting together your little super moves. Instead, go with fast ones. They don’t hit as hard, but you’ll have time to dodge afterwards.” I explained as I easily won the first round. I extended my hands with the controller towards him.

“Finish what you started!” He said, pushing me back along with the controller. I tried to resist the urge to tell him that he was being a little kid. I was starting to get sick of his attitude.

“You’re the one who told me to!” I retorted, instantly knowing that I’d lose this battle with him. I had to face it; he was a lot more stubborn than I was, and a lot stronger and taller. But still, my damned pride had me fighting him all the way.

“Either you can finish it or tell me I’m special again.” He said, looking me right in the eyes; except that one of them was covered. God, how the hell could he not be embarrassed by saying that? I had to look away because I felt my face heat up a bit. What would he do if I didn’t tell him he was special?

“I-I’ll just fi-finish the f-fight.” I stuttered. I couldn’t say it this time. It must’ve been something about his eyes on mine since last time he was buried beneath blankets and pillows. This time I couldn’t escape and make it as if I were talking to nobody.

But what about the first time I had said it? It came out so easily… It must’ve been because I was making it into a joke. Fuck. If I had known it would make things this… dysfunctional, I would’ve easily given up the joke.

Mental note: Zero does not understand jokes.

“You do that.” He growled, whipping back around to face the TV.

“What the fuck is your problem?” I snapped back. Of course, I regretted it when he jerked back around to face me. Fear became a factor as he gripped my shirt collar.

“You’re my fucking problem.” He spat. I shut my eyes tight as he pulled back an arm; ready to hit me. I felt gentle quaking originating from where his hold was on my shirt. I dared to open my eyes and he let go of my collar. “I need some fucking nicotine.”

I blinked a few times as I realized he’d left the room. Then it came back to me; he was trying to quit smoking. I guess that would explain why he was so on-edge. But he didn’t have to be so fucking annoying about it! And what was up with him wanting me to tell him he was special? I pulled at my hair distractedly but then let it go as I reached for the controller on the floor. I’ll chalk that up to the nicotine deprivation.

Absentmindedly, I put in another game; an RPG. No way did I want to fight virtually when I got enough of it in real life.

“Nicolas?” Without looking, I knew it was Mina. I didn’t look up because I was fighting some monster and I really didn’t want to die because I forgot to save before I went into the dungeon.

“Yeah?” I asked, distractedly. When she didn’t enter my room, I called, “You can come in.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her walk a bit closer. She waited patiently while I found a spot to pause the game at. As soon as the menu came up, I turned to her.

“Could you help me set up the internet on my laptop? Your dad said I should ask you about that stuff.” She asked, suddenly looking as if she felt a little awkward.

“Yeah sure.” I mumbled as I set down the controller and stood up. Back in her room, it was pretty plain. It was a huge contrast to my room with all of the posters.

“I was trying to figure it out last night, but to be honest; I don’t really understand all of this stuff.”

“Did you use a cable before you moved here?” I asked as I toggled the connection controls.

“Nope. It has wireless.” She was starting to get a little impatient or something because she was pacing.

“Are you okay? You’re pacing.” She met my eyes with a hint of surprise in hers.

“Huh? Sorry. I’ll stop.”

Without a word, I just turned back to the computer and adjusted something while she sat on the edge of her bed. As soon as it connected, her instant messenger program started up and signed her in. Instantaneously a message popped up.

Michael: Hey! I missed you.

“Thanks a ton, Nicolas!” I stiffened at the hug she gave me.

“Uh huh.” I murmured and then left the room.

I let myself collapse onto my bed, my game still frozen in the spot where I’d left it. I hated the thought that I’d have to start school again tomorrow. But I decided to play it off so I grabbed my controller from where it was on the bed and finish the dungeon I was in.

“Did you come back to be a dick to me again?” I called out to Zero as I saw him walk back into our room from the corner of my eye.

“Just shut up.” He replied. But his voice sounded tired; like he didn’t have the strength to fight me, not even verbally.

“Where did you go anyways?” I asked, pausing my game and looking up at him.

“None of your business.” He spat back, his acidic glare reforming on his face with a glare that could melt steel.

“Fine.” I retorted and turned back to my game. At least he wasn’t trying to hit me this time. He just crept into his bed without as much as another word. Where the hell was the arrogant Zero from earlier? I just decided it was because of his nicotine deficiency.
Now I was going to have to put up with his fucking mood swings. I shut off my game after saving and flopped down on my bed, groaning.
Smoking was his mistake, so he shouldn’t take it out on me while he’s trying to quit. But I really did not want to deal with it.
Hesitantly I rolled myself off my bed and stumbled to my computer. Once I opened up the internet explorer I searched “cures to nicotine withdrawal”.

The most common things that appeared were nicotine patches or gum. Too bad I wasn’t old enough to buy them. What’s even worse was that I couldn’t even fake it since I was so small.
I scrolled down until I found something I could buy legally. An herbal remedy. I scribbled it down and then took the list and some money from working a summer job that I had saved up.
In the hall I stopped by my parents’ room and knocked on the door.

”Hey Dad? I’m going out for a few, okay?” the door creaked open as I was walking away.

“Huh? Oh, where are you going?” Being the giant he was, he blocked out most of the light coming from his room as he stood in the doorway.

“Just to the store. I wanted to get some gum.” I lied. I had no idea if Dad knew that Zero was a smoker or not, so I’d just assume that he didn’t to play it safe.

“Oh! Get me some too!” He replied brightly and handed me a few extra dollars for his gum before retreating back into his room.

I went the whole nine yards with my winter attire; gloves, scarf, coat, earmuffs. Like I said before, I really hated the cold.

Silently, I thanked my parents for choosing a house so close to town. It meant less walking through the cold winter air for me. I pulled my scarf tighter around my neck, not wanting the icy air to hit my neck as I walked through the freshly plowed parking lot of a supermarket.

Inside was warm – a pleasant change in climate from outside. I hurried over to the aisle with the herbs and picked out what I needed. I tried not to stay around the herbs too long – someone might’ve thought I was contemplating getting high off of nutmeg or something stupid like that. Jesus, the price on herbs was pretty high so I took the tiny jars of them and hurried over to the checkout. I grabbed a few packs of gum and headed back out into the cold.

I shivered in the cold but quickly shook it off and sped up my walking so I could quickly get back home and back into some warmth. When I arrived back at the house it was starting to get dark and I assumed that Zero was still sleeping. I ran the gum up to Dad upstairs and went back to the kitchen.
I was one step closer to not having to deal with Zero’s damned withdrawal symptoms. But when the concoction was made, it looked pretty grotesque. I just prayed that Zero would actually drink it. Maybe he’d be too out of it to actually notice what it looked like.

I slammed a pillow over his head when I was back in the room and kind of regretted it because he instantly sat up and pressed a hand onto his head. “What the fuck was that for?! My head fucking hurts enough already!” I’m sure he would’ve shouted it if he didn’t have a headache.

"Shut up, I just brought you something to keep your mind off the fucking nicotine.” I yelled half of it, but lowered my voice when he cringed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“Huh?” His face was full of questions as I handed him the glass of the foul-looking liquid. He glanced at me from the rim of the cup.

“I may not like you – but I sure as hell didn’t poison your drink.” I stated as I walked back to my dresser to get changed for bed.

“Don’t give me that! You said I was special!” He growled. I raised an eye brow at him.

“Yeah, to shut you up.” I retorted as I pulled my shirt over my head.

“Then tell me it right now and I’ll drink this and go back to sleep.” There was a pause in the conversation. Didn’t he understand when enough was enough? He was seriously taking this too far. “That’s what you want – isn’t it?”

“Don’t you understand how dysfunctional that makes everything? It’s a fucking lie! It started as a joke, now you’re just taking it too far!”

“I don’t care.” His eyes met mine for a second and then I looked away. He wasn’t kidding about not caring. He wanted to hear the lie.

“Y… You’re… special…” I whispered. I blamed my weakness for that as I crawled into bed, defeated. I covered my face in the pillows and let sleep overtake me.